


The boy that witnessed murder

by Epselion



Series: Dear Death; I love you [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Blood and Injury, Gore, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Murder, Politics, Underage Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-06-07 23:38:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 91,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6830068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Epselion/pseuds/Epselion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben is upset with his mother for dragging him away from his life that he knew. After the divorce he is miserable and angry. His life changes drastically when one day he witnesses violent murder in the business under his apartment. When he is not scared but rather intrigued by this elusive killer he finds himself spiralling into the other's world, slowly revealing a greater plot that makes his own simple life seem not so simple anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A taste of blood and an air of mystery

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that I am not doing this a lot. This story means a lot to me, so if you don't like it, please just leave and don't give me shit about it... If you do like it, please send me a comment, or kudos! I would love to hear thoughts, or reach me on tumblr by the name Epselion as well.

Ben hated cities. He hated a lot of things, but cities were horrible. It was never quiet, people were always swarming on their way to whatever their dull lives dictated them to do. He huffed and rested his chin on his crossed arms, it was a Saturday, so no school, which was good – Ben hated the school too. They bullied him there because of his long black hair and his freckles.

He wanted to go back to his old home. It was so much better there. But no, his mother insisted he would come with her now that she’d divorced Ben's father. But apart from that, she was a business-woman, and business happened in big cities. They lived in an apartment-block above the company of one of his mother's friends, which was quite a good place for just the two of them. It was spacious enough and Ben’s school was only 5 bus-stops away, but he still hated it.

"Ben honey, do you want me to bring something sweet when I get back?"

He heard his mother ask from the living-room. She was always away, and he had to stay here, try to entertain himself. He sighed and pulled the hood of his black sweater over his head, his curls almost the same colour, making his skin look paler. Maybe he should go out more.

"How about a life?" He asked sharply.

He could hear her sigh through the door.

"This is not my fault Ben... Your father and I were just not happy anymore."

Ben huffed, but didn't answer his mother on that subject. She always said that he simply did not understand that yet, as if he was stupid. He heard the door close, which meant another long day alone in his room. He sighed and stared out of the window, his mother was walking down the street to the bus stop. She always travelled with public transport, saying it was better for the environment and stuff. What environment did he have here though? It was just a big lump of grey streets and high buildings.

Ben leaned back and sighed again. He wasn't going to stay in here for another day, or well, he probably was, it was raining after all. Maybe a walk would help, only the surroundings were shit, and if the downpour didn’t let up, he would be soaked. Maybe he could find a bit of entertainment by taking a long bath or reading one of his favourite books while he was at it... but gods that all sounded so dull even to his own ears.

He did not want to be here. He wanted to go back to the farm where he grew up. With his stupid Uncle Luke that talked about the cabbages all day, as if cabbages were some metaphor for a spiritual calling of sorts – that was weird, but at least it was funny. He liked it there, it was more personal than this. His mother would be gone all day, and maybe she would be in time for dinner, which was a good thing, as Ben hated it when he had to sit in front of the TV with some sad microwave food.

He gamed a bit, but the fuckers online had it out for him and he soon grew frustrated. It was two in the afternoon and he was so bored already. He wanted to trash his room, like he had done the first day he lived here, but well, he would have to clean it up again too if he knew his mother. She wouldn’t take another tantrum now that they had settled in here. He made tea instead, sneaking at least four cookies from the box while he waited for the drink to cool enough, and then stiffened when he heard a racket downstairs.

He stilled and listened, turning off the loud music he had been playing. He heard glass shatter downstairs and he thought he even heard shouts. Downstairs was a lawyer's office, what were they doing down there? It sounded like someone was being... Murdered or something. Ben hesitated on whether he should go down to check what was going on. It couldn't be something too bad right? Maybe a client had gone loopy because things didn't go his way. Ben slowly put down the glass with tea he just made when he heard another loud clatter in the office below. What was going on?

The curiosity won him over in the end as Ben walked towards the door and opened it. He was just going to take a look around the corner so he would be able to get upstairs quickly, they wouldn’t even see him, just a peek. He didn't lock the door to their apartment, because he would probably be back in a few minutes, and there were no other apartments anyway, only a storage-closet. Slowly he walked down the stairs, making sure that his feet wouldn’t make too much noise on the steps. He was glad that he was only wearing socks, which made him almost soundless. Besides, the sound of things breaking was getting louder and Ben was getting a bit nervous when it didn’t sound like a normal altercation anymore. Adrenalin was coursing through his body, making his ears rush a bit and his skin feel hot and cold at the same time. Finally he reached out and carefully looked around the corner at the lawyer's office.

He was only peeking around the doorframe, but he could see exactly what played out. He wore a hood, the man he saw, a black hood, and he was quick, moving as if he was one of the characters in Ben’s favourite games, only in real life… right there before his eyes. He wasn’t extremely broad as it looked now, and under the clothes he would be slender, skinny even, but the man was incredibly fast, a thin blade sticking out from under his long black sleeves. Ben watched him, frozen to the ground as he saw the man reach out, taking one of the lawyers by the collar and throwing him into the wall – he was strong for someone of his size.

The woman that Ben knew as his mother’s friend shouted and grabbed for the mysterious figure’s face, yanking the hood off as he came for her. Red hair, that was the first thing he noticed, brighter than Ben had ever seen and skin paler than he knew people could have. But what was most disturbing to conclude was that this was... Just a boy really, two years older than Ben, maybe three. He could be no older than 18, if he was even that. The boy hissed at her and pushed her over, stabbing the blade without a second thought, knowing just where to strike to kill her mid-scream, burying the steel tip in the jugular right at the side of her neck. Ben almost shouted as he saw the spray of blood fly, but covered his mouth just in time.

He stumbled back and tripped on the carpet, making a bit of noise as he lost his footing and fell on his ass with a huff. The boy turned at the sound, catching his eyes immediately. He looked... Scared. His pale eyes were open wide, the look in them almost wild and panicked. It was not what Ben had expected to see. There was blood on his face now too, on that almost impeccable white skin, which was adorned with a line of freckles that only made this killer more of a boy… It wasn’t right, this was not adding up. Ben stared at him, gasping in air, he was not afraid of this... He was... Captivated - because he did not look like a psychopath or like some creepy lurker. And then he also replayed in his head what he had just seen him do, which was just so fucking... Epic.

He might need therapy, he realized, when the word epic was what had come to mind at the idea of murder. The boy straightened, adjusting the long-tailed coat he was wearing. It was a uniform of some sort, layered and strapped, black and grey, all looking rather menacing and professional. The boy set two steps in Ben’s direction, blades retracting to some-place under the sleeves again as he prepared to talk and then startled at the sound of sirens down the block, the police quickly approaching their location. Ben continued to watch with wide eyes, even as the boy broke eye-contact and fled out the window with the grace of a cat, never stumbling or faltering as he slid through the window-frame and disappeared through the back-alleys... What had he just witnessed? What was he supposed to do?

Shaking from head to toe, Ben got up and sprinted up the stairs, closing and locking the front door before he ducked into his room. He made sure he locked the door to that room as well and sat down on his bed, then stood up again almost immediately to scan the street, as if the other would have stayed around somewhere he would be able to spot him. That man… No… Boy actually, who was he? He seemed inhuman, like something from another planet, a virtual one. He was not supposed to be real, these were the kind of things you saw in the movies or in a game. It was not supposed to happen right there in front of your actual eyes. But still, the movements, the quickness of them, everything about what he had seen looked so amazing. Even the outfit looked like something he had always imagined some wicked anti-hero to wear… But they would have never carried a face like that, not that young or… Handsome. He wanted to know more about that boy in the hood.

Ben felt his fingers continue to shake a bit when he grabbed a notepad and pen. He drew what he remembered, the wide eyes and youthful face, thin nose and full but small mouth. His rounded jawline with sharp cheek-bones, then the clothes. It was crude, in a style that Ben had taught himself years ago, but it was him, it was what he saw. He did not remember enough of the details anyway, the face had captivated him most after all, but he did remember the blade that seemed attached to a brace under that coat’s sleeves. He remembered the long tails at the back of it, making the coat long at the back, even if it was short on the front end of it. He scribbled the boots he wore and the tight trousers. He had looked sleek and mysterious. When he had finished his drawing he ripped out the page and tucked it away in a drawer.

He knew that at this very moment the police were going around the crime scene below him. They were looking at dead bodies and destroyed furniture, wondering what could have possibly happened. He wiped at his face, trying to remember what he had seen over and over again. He tried to decide what he would say when those same officers would come here to ask him about what had happened. He did not want to tell them about the boy… It was like he was chosen to witness something grand and important, not a simple murder, no it was so much more than that, it had to be.

Soon, the police did come knocking – they said it had been a massacre, nine people were dead, four of them security members and the other five were the Hosnian lawyers, all of them. They asked Ben if he had seen or heard anything, if he had noticed suspicious people lurking around the building. Ben simply played dumb. He felt bad that he was lying to the police... But that boy... He was just so different. He hadn’t been there to kill for fun, for anger… That would have looked different. Ben tried to pretend that he was part of this game too. The young new hero, doing the right thing for the vigilante that he had seen, saving a cause that he did not even know.

"Kid, have you ever seen this mark before?" The officer asked after a while, holding up a picture on his phone.

It was a graffiti mark he had seen on a wall nearby once, but he had no idea what it was. It was a black hexagon, filled with red and with a spiked black circle in the center of it. It had never really stood out to him, and he wondered how it was related to what he had witnessed.

"No." He murmured.

"You've never heard of an organization that calls itself the First Order?" The man pressed on.

Ben didn't have to lie this time as he shrugged and shook his head, but he did commit the name to memory. The First Order – that sounded pretty important.

"I'm sorry, I was gaming with a headset on. I've not seen or heard a single thing." He said, looking at the officer with a sheepish grin. “I’m sorry that I can’t do more.”

*

Hux was wheezing for air by the time he had made it back to the citadel. He had run the whole stretch at full speed, taking to the roofs and the back-streets to avoid any form of contact that would slow him down. A run that was fuelled by his panic alone, not even stopping when his lungs had started to burn. He was finally back at their haven. The old subway station that they used for their operations had not been in use anymore since the Third World War, when this city was still New York. He hurried down the old stairs after he had dropped down the maintenance-shaft and pulled the hood from his head again, bunching it in his neck. This station had already been something antique when it was still in use. It was ornate and grand, it had columns and painted ceilings and impressive staircases. It was a bit dark here most of the time, sunlight no longer filtered through the domes and sky-lights, those had long been closed with boards and panels. Instead, the lights now came from the few lighting-strips that were lined on the walls and ceilings.

His hair had gone messy from the mission he had just executed, he would have to fix that before he went see the Grand Admiral. Thrawn hated his officers looking like a mess. He always insisted that they had to stay poised and cool, never look like you were affected in the first place by what you did, it was not their job to be human. That was something his father might like to bond over with Thrawn, he also seemed to dig the whole ‘conceal don’t feel’-vibe.

Too bad though, if he knew what Hux was even doing with his life, he would disown him and kick him to the curb. His father was blind like that, did not know what Hux knew… the corruption of this new regime, the dirtiness of it all. He would just see his son, hands bloody and scurrying off into the night like some faceless criminal. Yes, he would not be able to see past that. It wouldn’t matter that it was all for the good of the world.

"Hey, you okay?"

He turned on his heel, blade already out. He had been way too distracted, nobody could sneak up that close without his notice most of the time. Damn, he needed to get his shit together… Fast.

"Jesus, Bran- It's just me."

Hux sighed as he saw Phasma and retracted the blade as she simply snorted at him.

"It's bad isn't it? The first flight alone?" She guessed, patting his back a bit with a firm slap. "Did you do it though?"

Hux nodded and straightened out again, swiping his hand through his hair.

"Yeah, they're dead. I was out before law enforcement made the block."

She grinned a bit. She seemed proud of him, like a big sister or something. Well, she had trained him in the early days after all. Phasma was the only one that knew about both his lives, and that was what kept him sane, otherwise he would have had a breakdown before he’d hit sixteen.

"Awesome. You look a little ragged though. I'll get some beers to the room, so we can celebrate a bit after you've reported to Thrawn. After all, it is cause for celebration that you are now an actual officer of the Order."

Hux slowly nodded, his head still not completely focused with the present, then he looked ahead, regarding the place he had trained all these years. He had earned his stripes today, his first lone mission had gone well... But that boy saw him, in the stairwell... And if he would tell Thrawn about him, then Hux would be sent back to kill him too.

"Bran, Thrawn will be proud of you, don't worry about it." Phasma said with a bit of a huffed laugh. "So, fix that ginger mess a bit and wipe the blood of your face. I'll see you in a bit."

Hux smiled thinly. He wasn't worried about Thrawn’s approval of his mission, he had executed his work just as intended after all. Everything, every target had been cleared just as he had been told. Should he tell him about the boy? Probably. It would become a liability if he wasn’t careful, the boy knew everything, even his face, but then again… It was one thing to kill the dirt that corrupted this new world. Killing innocents… Children… That was something else entirely.

Hux sighed and walked towards the bathroom to fix the mess that was his hair. He always wore it in an almost impeccable fashion, parted on the left side of his head. But well, the hood of his coat often tossed it this way or that, making it look wild even. He looked in the mirror shortly. Despite his bloody face nothing looked different, nothing that hinted at the things he had done today. He had almost expected a scar, a mark, as if it would be branded somewhere that he was his own man now. He was still the same, a boy that did things that most men were scared to even think about.

His fingers touched his cheek, a small cut sat there from the nails of the woman that had pulled his hood off.  Once again, he had that face on his mind. The teenage boy, with his white skin and comically wide eyes, so dark for someone that pale. Even if he didn't say a word about the boy, he should pay him a visit, to be sure he would not talk. Yet, Hux wasn’t worried, something about the look on that face had told him right away that the other would not say a word about what he had seen. He could take care of it himself... Thrawn did not need to know.

He took a wash-cloth and wiped away the blood splatter that stained his cheeks, and then he gripped the sink a bit tighter, trying to stop feeling queasy. He had been trained for all this of course, but he had never been alone. Thrawn had told him on his birthday that he would be allowed to fly solo from then on, but only now had he been presented with a mission that Thrawn thought would be fit for him.

He sighed out and looked at his reflection one last time, making sure he would be presentable, and used wet fingers to fashion the part in his hair some more, mostly because of the one strand that kept poking free even when he had patted it down. When it was acceptable, he straightened his uniform. He had paid for it himself, Thrawn demanded that of the recruits, you had to buy or make your garb from the money your first missions for the Order earned you. It was the way to reward yourself for working hard enough. Hux had quick fingers, so he often picked pockets when he was on missions anyway. His clothes were therefore of a tailor-perfect quality, stitched with a craftsmanship that only few in the Order owned.

Hux stood straight and put away the wash-cloth, his face stoic again as he marched to Thrawn's rooms. He gave a quick knock on the door and stepped back. The answer came almost instantly and he opened the door. Thrawn was already an older man, average height and not even that impressive to behold, but not someone who could be trifled with. Hux knew better than that. In his glory-days, Thrawn had been the terror of the streets, founding the First Order when he saw that he could no longer fight his cause alone.

"Well boy, tell me. How was your first solo mission?" Thrawn was sitting in the chair behind his desk and motioned for Hux to sit opposite of him, looking at him with those scrutinizing eyes of his.

"Everything went well, no problem with the targets." Hux answered as he sat down.

"Good."

Thrawn eyed him, as if he was looking into his head to see if he would lie to him. Hux knew however that lying would be the dumbest thing to do. If a mission failed it was best to come clean about it before you could allow the targets to flee or find protection. Still though, he had just chosen to neglect mentioning the witness to his crimes. He would handle that, he really would. At the first sign of rumours he would be sure to wipe it all away.

"I will read everything in your report. After that you'll be given a new mission."

Hux nodded and was surprised that Thrawn dismissed him right after that, no further questions or inquiries. Thrawn was never one for big compliments, but being dismissed without some form of interrogation about the process of his task was the man’s way of saying that he had trusted Hux. He left, softly closing the door behind him.

He sighed and regarded the place he had spent the last seven years in. The citadel, as they all called this place, was rather big. It was an old subway station, and the reception-hall was the place they all ate and gathered, where their new recruits were initiated and where their dead men were seen off. The many offices and rooms had been turned into bedrooms and bathrooms. It was like a society of its own. They trained here too, combat and such. It was their haven, and nobody knew about this.

He took two flights of stairs up and opened the door to his own room. He had a very small one, he did not stay here often after all. He could have had bigger, but it would be no use, sleeping here was rare for him. He still lived at home most of the time, when the time allowed for it, but apart from sleep and meals he tried to avoid the estate as much as he could. And well, they lived big back home, so he would not need much in the citadel. It was a place to crash at late nights or store his clothes, it was nothing but a necessity. As he was there he changed out of the uniform, putting the pieces into his closet. Thrawn had maids that washed their things, taking out the blood and dirt. Blood was a mess, sometimes nicks would leak into the fabric, scratches from glass, nothing more. He had never had a big wound before though, thank god. He kept on the under-layers of his usual garb, the tight pants and long sleeved shirt, it was all just black and simple, close to the skin and airy enough to stop him from sweating too much.

He went to see Phasma then, she had settled at their usual spot, the roof of the station's old tower. Much like him she had dressed down to the basics, her blond hair fluttering in the wind. It was about as short as Hux’s, buzzed at the sides. She was tough as nails, to most. She had always seemed to like him though. Maybe he would have to ask her about the reasons for it once, maybe not… There was a flat part up where they sat, some fifty feet above the streets of the city, it was just a few square feet between the roof-tiles, and on days like these it was nice and quiet there. The sun would sink behind the other buildings in such a slow pace that it was almost relaxing. Hux greeted her with a quick smile. She smirked and lifted a bottle of beer from the small six-pack she had carried up to the roof earlier.

"Now that you are finally old enough to actually have one." She snickered. "Tell me, how did it feel to finally be out there?"

Hux hummed and sat down next to her, dangling the bottle between his fingers lazily.

"Petrifying."

Phasma let out a laugh.

"Good."

Hux eyed her and huffed, trying not to crack too much of a grin, "You really enjoy this whole thing way too much."

Phasma shook her head, popping the cap off the beer she had handed him and nudging it back into his hands.

"It wouldn't be fun if everything in life is so damn easy. That is why I enjoy it, it gives me the feeling that we are alive, making a difference. Not that I’m not afraid when things get icky. Fear can save your life after all."

Hux leaned back against the sloping tiles and sipped from the bottle while it would still be cold. He had tasted it before. It was okay he guessed, not his favourite drink, that honour would go to his father’s bottles of old whiskey that he sometimes took a sip from. The burn of it gave him courage in the early days to commit murder.

"I can't stay for long." He said when he thought about home.

Phasma nodded. She knew about the trouble Hux had at home. His parents thought he was going to school or some form of sports or whatever he had told them, if they knew about this, well, she would probably have to convince her own parents to adopt him because he would never in his life be allowed back in his own house. At least these moments were nice, taking away some of the stress of leading a double-life. Hux liked this spot, the view, the wind, it was unlike the usual places he found himself and it helped to have good company for a chat. His parents knew Phasma too, she went to his school with him. It was nice to have someone there that knew him... And then he meant both sides of him. Phasma was four years older than him, but the school he went to was set-up for a long term education. High school and college in one, you could say, it was for the richer kids, meant for big and important careers. It offered more tailored education and assured a sort of excellence from its students, allowing them to be groomed and grow into exactly what their parents intended for them to be. Yet here they sat, in the den of some band of killers.

"Are you going to tell them? Not now I mean… But some day?" Phasma asked, knowing that Hux often thought about his family’s interests and how they clashed with those of the Order.

"God no." Hux murmured, grimacing at the thought alone. "If my father would know he would completely disown me, and Thrawn needs me to inherit our estate and position. It's valuable to the First Order to have me in line for my father's legacy. Or well, he has not said it with so many words, but I know Thrawn is power-hungry enough for it."

Phasma chuckled.

"It would be soooo weird to see you be like your dad." She snorted at the thought. "No offense, but your dad is such a stiff pencil-pusher and you are- Well, a bit more hands-on."

Hux snorted at her analogy.

"Yeah... Well, Snoke and my dad are the big-shots now. One of them is going to be Emperor of the West Nations soon… According to the polls anyway... And Thrawn would very much like the idea if I would be in that option too. Can you imagine the glee he would feel at the idea of having his hands on the entire West Nations? He might faint with joy."

He huffed as he thought about the idea of it however. This whole business that his father ran in was nastier than the kills he made for the First Order.

"Snoke is such a snake. He comes over for dinner sometimes to talk 'business' with dad. That man is definitely planning something too, something bad if you ask me."

Phasma nodded, tapping the glass between her fingers thoughtfully, "No one will be surprised if he did. That makes you wonder why people even see that man as an option for Emperor."

Hux shrugged and took another sip of his drink.

"Fear I guess. It won't surprise me if he would get everyone that speaks up against him out of the way. And well, for the rest, they must think; ‘if you can’t beat them join them’, it’s the oldest survival trick in the book."

Phasma shifted to sit back more comfortably and sighed, "Probably. It's a good thing we are here to balance some things. It will be bad news for everyone if Snoke gets more power than he already has. If we wouldn’t be here to keep the reigns in check we would be under oppression already."

Hux finished his drink with a few last gulps and stood.

"That's why we are going to stop this man from doing the same thing as all the others we have stopped. Snoke will be just another piece of discredited history." He said before giving his good night to Phasma.

He needed to get home before his father was going to ask questions.

**

Ben endured his mother's hugs and kisses when she got home. It was awkward at best as she patted his face as if he might be hurt in some way she would not be able to see. She had headed straight home when she heard that there had been murders right under their apartment. She kept asking if he was okay or if he saw anything, just like the police had asked him before, and he sighed and said that he hadn't, that he just sat here to pass the time and that his game noises had overpowered whatever had gone down. She made his favourite food to make it up to him, for the shock she said. The only thing that really shocked him however was the growing obsession he had been developing since that afternoon. He didn't even know the boy's name, but he was thinking about him almost non-stop. He had even started to wonder if it was healthy, but he just wrote it off as being a form of being intrigued with something so utterly strange that it plagued his mind. He ate his pasta in relative silence and he assured her time and time again that he was just great, that he hadn't seen anything and that the cops did not show him the crime scene or what not. The idea that they would even do that was too ridiculous to consider and he told her that too.

When she finally let him go to do his homework he immediately went to his room again, he needed time to think, to let it all sink in. He had drawn the boy some six times already, crudely and with nothing but a ballpoint, but still. Ben wanted to remember him, wanted to know his name. He named the boy on his drawings, it made it easier to keep him in his mind, it made him more real.

He was sure that it would all settle in normal life again. He was just coping. It was a fascination with the uncanny, and boys his age had those. It would blow over soon, and he would never see the mysterious boy again. He kept thinking about him though, throughout the week too, when he would absently draw eyes in the corner of his papers at school with a silly smile. He even covered them a bit with his hands or elbows when he thought that others were trying to look at what he was sketching. He knew now that he had a bit of a crush, but he did not feel ashamed of it anymore.

He was happy that for once he thought of something fondly here. He hated the city and its people, but he could smile at the idea of his little secret. The boy had spared his life too. He was an easy target, so he could have killed him, but he didn't. It allowed Ben to think there was something between them… A mutual spark of sorts that made both of them realize that it was something that was not supposed to happen, but it was still a good thing… A fate thing.

It had been two weeks since the murders when Ben started to wonder if he had been wrong. For some reason he thought that he would be connected to this strange boy now. He thought he would have met him again, some way, or that he would have visited him in the dead of night with a warning that Ben should forget about him. That last one might be a little over the top, he realized. No matter what though, life had gone back to normal, like it had never been real. The lawyer's office was normal again, cleared out completely and no signs remaining of what happened. The desks and such had been stored away and the business that had been there was all gone, the blood had been cleaned away, the carpet replaced. It was like the whole thing had not happened there, they were even talking about putting the office-space up for sale again to a new company.

Ben had been studying hard in the meantime, trying to make it through his midterms. It was already hard enough to get through school, so he had finally allowed the ginger-haired boy to slip from his mind a bit. Today he was attending school until late in the afternoon, the sun was a comfortable sort of warm and the road was sunny and golden under its light. Ben was walking to the bus stop when he saw the commotion stir, much like every day. Some of the senior students from his school, the regular clutter of guys that were all either seventeen or eighteen, the kind of guys that bragged about everything and had loud voices and barely any brains, the sort that would be working in dead-end jobs for the rest of their lives. They were always picking fights with students from that rich school a few blocks away. Now too, they clashed near the bus stops.

The students from the Academy always wore uniforms, neat black pants and smooth black jackets for the boys, with red linings, black waist-belts and polished buttons, and the girls always wore black dresses with high red collars and red sashes around their waist. They looked elite. They often moved in groups, looking like some sort of formation. They seemed impeccable and to most they might even look like they were untouchable, a different tier of this society. As it was, Ben went to a rather normal school, and a lot of the boys from his school were noisy and brash. They were always out to see if the students from the Academy could be tempted into a brawl. They never learned, nor could they let it go. It was a bit pathetic, their need to challenge these other kids for being on some different sort of level. On the flipside however, most boys from the Academy were arrogant and daring, knowing that their school did not allow for such childish clashes. They were sometimes bored, waiting to be tested so that they would have a reason to lash out and let go of that uptight set of manners they were taught to have. It did come to blows most of the time, and neither side pulled its punches either. Ben sighed when he heard the shouts and slurs pick up, it would not be long now before the first two would clash and one of them would get their ass kicked.

He looked up, studying the different groups, trying to see if someone he knew would be there too. He didn't have a lot of friends after all, but if he saw somebody he could sort of tell himself that it would be okay to join them to look. He winced a bit when he heard the first fight break out before he had even gotten up, stupid city-kids, with their eternal need for confrontation. He couldn't look away though, it was better entertainment than watching the cars go by, even if he could not see the actual fight. There were too many others, circled around the thing like some human arena for whoever was fighting. He heard the Academy students laugh and howl out slurs of victory after only a minute or so, and Ben saw the boys from his school pull away a kid that looked like he was kicked in the stomach a few too many times. He was dazedly hanging in the arms of two classmates, clutching a bloody nose and groaning a little in defeat. Ben almost smirked at the sight. It was good that these bullies sometimes tasted the other end of the fight.

The centre of the group suddenly split aside as four people walked away from the fight in hurried steps. Ben watched wide-eyed as he saw the one that was the leading focus of the group, he had obviously been the one on the other end of that fight, although he was barely affected. He was not even hit once, just a little dishevelled as he walked away, adjusting his jacket and fashioning his bright ginger hair, looking annoyed as one of his friends complimented him on 'slaying that sad idiot' as he phrased it. Ben swallowed.

It was the boy, the boy from the... Murders. No doubt about it in his mind. That face was still branded in his memory after all, and this was him. There was a girl with him too, elbowing him and making fun of his angry face. She looked like she could easily grab two of the guys from Ben’s school and throw them around like they weighed nothing. She was quite impressively muscled, despite the dress that made her look leaner. But Ben barely had eyes for her, only tried to look around her to see _him_ again.

"Street-fights are below us." The boy simply said to her. "Don't treat it like something fun."

He never saw Ben sit there, and Ben once again didn't dare to move... After all, that tree of a girl could think he was taking his own brave little encounter out on them and Ben was sure he would end up stashed in the trash-can... It did not matter, at least he knew now, his dark little secret attended the Academy, and soon he would meet him again. Ben would be prepared and he would talk to him, say something.

He opened his phone when they had walked by completely, ears burning bright as he saw that his picture had come out okay. He had been pretty low-profile about it, so he hadn’t looked at the screen if he had even aimed right, but it was pretty nice. It had captured the boy just a little off-centre, the girl that had been with him blocking part of the frame. She was tall too, taller than Ben's obsession. He pocketed his phone again and grinned to himself. This was just too good to be true, he had been right! It was fate, he knew he was going to see him again and there he was, right before his eyes and disappearing around a corner. He would meet him next time, talk to him... Oh god, what would he even say? 'Oh, hey, remember the time you murdered all those people and I watched you do it? That was so epic, wanna get coffee?' Yeah... That probably would not be the best phrase he'd ever come up with. He’d have to think of something else. He sighed then, watching the two groups of students disperse when there were no more fights to be picked. He had not even heard that there were more brawls, his attention completely pulled to this pleasant surprise. He finally pulled out of his thoughts when the bus came around the corner, right on time as always. Ben sure did not mind that he could now watch that picture a few times a week... Maybe a few times a day even. He grinned as he ran his thumb along the rim of his phone. This was going to be good.

It was about ten days after that day that Ben finally dared to go to the Academy's school-gates to wait for the boy. He skipped school after lunch-break, knowing that he would not exactly miss anything in his Social Studies class. The building of the Academy was surrounded by gates and walls, closing off the entire school-grounds. Ben felt a little out of place with his black hoodie and scruffy jeans, but whenever one of the students of the Academy would come out they ignored him completely.

He ended up staying there for the whole afternoon, waiting and pacing a bit. He didn’t dare to leave to go get a sandwich or something, he could just miss him. Sometimes he saw red hair, but it was never _his_ red hair, it would be too long, the wrong shade of red… He did not see the one he looked for, Ben even thought that he would not be in school today, he could have a day off for all Ben wouldn’t know after all. It was around seven in the evening that he finally saw him, he was smoking a cigarette in the bike-shack with some others, before wishing them a good night and such. Ben felt some sort of immense relief that he did not spent the entire day waiting for nothing. As the boy left through one of the gates Ben almost panicked too much to talk to him, he just watched him walk off in the other direction with the faint glow of the cigarette between his fingers.  Ben let out a nervous breath before he ran after him and grabbed his sleeve. He did not give himself the chance to change his mind, and he had a split second to realize that he made the contact. Immediately after that though the ginger boy twisted, grabbed the arm that Ben had stretched out to hold his sleeve and rammed Ben’s chest against the wall that surrounded the school, nudging a blade-tip to his back. Ben groaned and stayed perfectly still, trying to decide if his heart skipped a beat from the sudden scare or the excitement that he had in fact made his contact, however unfriendly it was at the moment.

"What is this? Who are-"

Ben turned slowly, trying to show the other that he didn’t mean any harm. He was now twisted far enough to watch his face and he saw the boy recognize him, eyes going wide again like the first time. It was only a short moment though, before he dragged Ben to the nearby little park-road, harshly knocking him into a tree as he kept hold of Ben’s collar.

"You." He said, voice dropping to a whisper.

The street is quiet at this hour anyway, but he still seemed to look around for anything suspicious, before he faced Ben again, trying to make sense of why he was even there.

"What do you want?" The boy asked, his voice was almost hostile.

"I- I wanted to meet you." Ben stammered.

He was suddenly so overwhelmed... By the idea that the boy was actually there, that he had touched him and talked to him, that his voice had a sound now that Ben would be able to remember. It was more ordinary than he had expected, even though there was something of an accent there that Ben had not heard before. He could commit more to memory now, the way the other’s nose twitched when Ben said that he wanted to meet him, the faint hint of cologne he could smell whenever the other shifted a bit. Everything was close, physical and real. He was a person, right in front of his face, no longer just in his head. It was equal parts exhilaration and discomfort. The boy looked nervous, angry with him, although a different sort of anger seemed to come from him than moments before. The first had been hostile and interrogating. Now it seemed more of a sort of annoyance.

"You can't be here." The boy hissed at him. "I took a big risk to let you live. Do you even realize what you saw?"

Ben shook his head, he could not let it go that easily. He wanted the other to know what he had been coping with, how his head had obsessed over that one short moment these few weeks ago. Then the boy could say if he was insane or not, and he would believe him.

"I know...” Ben said instead. “And I wonder why you even did let me live... But I cannot get you off my mind and I want to know what you do-"

The boy clamped a hand over his mouth and looked him dead in his eyes, it unnerved Ben immensely to be looked at like that. Only his uncle Luke ever did that, when he was absolutely dead serious, but this was even worse. The boy had very sharp eyes, and like this they seemed to look right into him, piercing through whatever Ben was thinking.

"Stop. Just stop. Don't go down that road. Walk away, do not think about it again, about me, about anything that had to do with what you saw."

Ben frowned and then shook his head. Did he not understand? He was trying to support him, trying to befriend him. The boy might need someone to trust and talk to, Ben could do that.

"No, you don't get it. I want to- I want to know you- I've been thinking about you so much and..."

The other seemed to visibly wince at that.

"Please. Please, just do what I say. You are the one that doesn't get it. If you play with this fire it's going to raze you to the ground. Do not think that it will somehow not burn you. Go home, forget about it... Or I might have to come for you next." The boy took in a deep breath then and looked at Ben again, trying to get through to him. “Please do not make me do that.”

Ben went still at that, at the fear he saw in the boy's eyes. He felt the realization strike him harder than he had thought possible. He was wrong. He was naïve, things were not as simple as he saw them. He nodded then and reached into his pocket, pressing a paper to the boy's hand before looking up at his face. He only had about an inch or two over Ben, but Ben felt small.

"I- If you ever... Need to-" He stammered before walking off, feeling sweaty, his veins full of adrenalin and dread.

The fear in the other’s eyes made him feel sick, made him realize that what he had thought of as his little secret was just a boy too, a scared one. He was a person as much as Ben was, but living a life that was so unimaginably complex… His entire face burned red with some sort of shame. How had he not thought about all this before?


	2. A bullet of lead and a wave of regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in a row for starters yay. I will not have a regular update-day yet, I am still figuring out my schedule. But I will try to stay somewhere around weekly updates :)

Hux breathed out shakily when the other boy walked away and slumped to the ground for a moment with his head resting against the bark of the tree. He could not fathom why the kid had come to him. How did he even find him? It must have been the other school, no doubt that the other attended the Republican and saw him one day. But then why would he want to go and meet him? He had seen what he was, he had watched him slit throats. Hux slowly got back up to his feet and wiped his hand down his face. He was still holding the paper the boy had given him, it was just sitting loosely in his hand. Hux almost felt it burn in his palm though, so he looked at the note and saw that it had numbers, probably a phone number, on it. He stared at them and sighed. They were scribbled with a rather messy hand, the pen had smudged a bit from the sweaty palms it had been clutched in.

That boy had no idea what he was doing. He did not know what Hux was capable of, what he was working for. It was not some hype, a club… It was a mission, a calling… A lonely one. And why this? Why did he give him this? Did the boy want him to call? He seemed to be looking for a connection of some sort. Maybe the kid was only trying to poorly make sense of what he had seen, trying to understand the boy he had seen. He was just trying to befriend him… For some reason he was reaching out to _him_. Hux balled his fists and got up.

This was not right, it was not supposed to happen. That boy should have been scared, he should have ran the other way when he saw him again instead of towards him. Whatever happened he sincerely didn't want to kill that boy, he hadn't talked to anyone about him. As if he had felt some strange loyalty to him… Maybe he had realized that Hux was part of something bigger. He still had his whole live ahead of him too, being younger than Hux himself. Hux wasn't sure if he could even take that away if he got the orders from Thrawn to kill him – that was reason why he’d kept quiet.

He looked at the road the boy had disappeared too and turned to the opposite direction. He wasn't going to think about this now. He would just go home and continue with life as he had always done. The boy had been warned, he seemed to understand. It was better like this. He did put the note in his pocket nonetheless and walked home with his head down. He could be picked up if he wanted that, walking was a choice rather than a necessity. His father's driver was under speed-dial if he would need him. Tonight was quiet and warm enough though, besides, walking allowed him to let his thoughts settle. He could finally give all of them a permanent place in his head until he would be able to make complete sense of them. It was his way of dealing with stress, it proved rather effective in the past too. He was almost back home when his phone rang in his pocket. He sighed and thought about letting it ring, not picking up. But he could see on the screen that it would be Thrawn, and not answering for potential missions was simply not done.

"I have a target for you." Thrawn said when he picked up, not wasting any time. "He was associated in some way with the Hosnians. He has funded the bribes on Snoke’s lawsuits."

Hux sighed and leaned against the lamp-post. It would be good to have field-work again, he’d been waiting for almost a month now. Since the lawyers he had only done a few small tracking missions, following potential targets through the city to see if they were doing what the First Order thought they were doing, trying to gather evidence.

"Alright, I'll take care of it... Send me the intel and he'll be dead before the week-"

"Tonight." Thrawn interrupted him.

"What? I don't have time to- I can't."

He heard Thrawn sigh.

"I have called your parents, posing as your teacher, as far as they know you and a few promising students were introduced to the Foreign State officer... I need you to do this tonight."

Hux swallowed a bit and then sucked in a breath. Emergency kills were often dangerous and tricky. It meant there was a certain rush behind them that did not leave time to pick an opportune moment. He would have to switch to the offense rather than the waiting game.

"Where to?" He asked after a while.

"To the citadel first, to suit up and get your mission-data." Thrawn said. "You have ten minutes to get here."

Hux nodded and looked at his watch. He'd have to run.

"I will be there shortly." He promised before hanging up.

He pocketed his phone again and started to run, away from his home and to the city-centre. He managed to run it in eight minutes, getting a few stares for sprinting down the streets like that. When he had dropped down through the old maintenance shaft he allowed himself a short moment to catch his breath. The first days of training he would always be wheezing and red-faced from running, now he had built a stamina that exceeded some athletes.

He looked himself over, making sure his uniform was okay. He never came here in the clothes of the Academy, afraid to ruin them. Today he would have to make an exception though, as long as he would manage to keep them clean. He immediately went to his room, gearing up for his mission. He folded the uniform for later, knowing that it had to stay crisp if he did not wish for his father to flip, and changed it for the black under layers of his First Order clothes. He slipped into the long coat, zipping it up and lining out the tails of the back correctly, making sure they would not sit crooked in some way. He buttoned the flap that protected the zipper and pulled the hood over his face before he started to probe along the protection that sat under it, steel reinforcements that were stitched behind the leather to protect him from some harm. Most importantly was the high collar though, protecting his throat and neck from any form of contact. It could prove to be quite a life-saver when things would ever go south. He fastened the greaves over his boots and pushed the hood back to his neck. Thrawn wanted eye-contact when speaking to his recruits.

It had all become routine, slipping into this form. He checked all the weapons he carried, from the blades he always had under his sleeves to the rifle on his back. He never took the blades off, not even at the Academy. They were always under the uniform, ready to defend him if he needed them. The rest however, was only for this. The rifle, poisoned throwing knives, the bullets and emergency adrenalin shots... He'd never thought he'd even handle such objects before Phasma brought him into this. He looked in the mirror for a quick check of his hair and brushed some of his locks in place.

Quickly he stepped out of his room and started to walk to Thrawn’s office. It still amazed him how large their organization was and how many officers there actually were. All this was hidden to so many people in this city, and yet there were more new recruits pouring in every month, most were introduced by existing officers. They would pick up the friends or acquaintances they thought fit. A lot of people didn't agree with the current regime or were wronged by it in some way and it fed the Order with new blood. Hux didn't even remember exactly when he decided he didn't like the corrupt politicians, it was after he had been recruited though… The First Order had taught him to open his eyes to the wrongs he was seeing. At some point he had started to feel the urgency of what they were doing. Was it because of the talks Snoke had with his father that contained topics that made people look like tradable livestock? Or was he simply appalled by the things he saw on the streets? Hux didn't know, maybe it was all the little things together. He gave a short knock on Thrawn’s door and was let in immediately.

"You don't have much time tonight. Here is your target. Report back when it's done." Thrawn looked fidgety.

Hux took the small chip from him and put it in his phone, reading out the information that Thrawn had gathered. It was not an awful lot unfortunately, but at least there was a location and a bit of a general description and movement patterns.

"Who... Is this?" Hux asked as he saw the picture.

"His name is Lothar."

Hux let out a snort at that. It sounded like some Viking-lord’s name.

"He is a drug-lord that is funding the campaign of Snoke, if you take him out Snoke will lose a lot of money and that is in our advantage." Thrawn continued seriously. “He is extremely dangerous. I am leaving the mission to you because of your stealth records… Use that benefit, he will be heavily guarded.”

Hux nodded and pocketed his phone, clipping his hands behind his back to regard Thrawn’s old face. The way he frowned now, so intensely grave, he looked even older than he was, deep lines catching even darker shades.

"You can count on me sir." He said.

“Be careful boy.” Thrawn said as he saw him out. “Report back when the deed is done.”

Hux left then and headed to the warehouse that this man had been spotted using by other recruits. He was nervous again, this was bigger than before. These people had security, men of their own that counted on the fact that killers would come for their organization. Drug lords had a lot of unsavoury friends after all, and they each had their own set of mercenary-men to protect their business from their competition. Somehow he was supposed to outsmart all those brutes.

Hux steeled himself and went in, he could do this, he was trained specifically for this purpose.

The lot itself was not even guarded. It was dimly lit by dusty lanterns, making the place bathe in some sort of greenish glare of light, dark shades remaining in the corners. These were the places you avoided at night, anything could be creeping in the dark patches that the light could not reach.

Getting in was easy enough, the fence was broken at many places and he simply picked a spot to wriggle through. He knew that the building itself would be a whole different story. It would be stacked with patrols, making sure that any intruder would be noticed well before they could make it to the important parts of the facility. Unfortunately the outside of the building was too smooth to climb. He would not be able to get enough foothold to scale to the right window. He was forced to go in there and improvise, hope that he would make it out alive.

****

Ben was back in his room, he had gone right to it after he had met the boy. His mother wasn’t home anyway, she was off on some business-trip. So Ben had all the time to think about what he had done. He pulled the hood of his sweater farther over his head, causing it to compress his long black hair against his cheeks. He wasn't angry or anything, not with the boy and not with himself either. He just felt stupid, for being so simple. He sighed and shook his head again as he sat in front of his computer, trying to distract himself. He had failed to realize that the boy was a person, not some hero that did not feel or fear.

He sniffed his nose and opened the tabs he had saved for his homework, he needed to focus on that. He was still on his mind though, the boy, no matter how hard Ben tried to force his brain to take in the formulas he needed to learn for Physics. He was so handsome... Even more so up close, Ben resented it almost, that he kept feeling the flutter in his stomach at the thought of him. His eyes were so open, and his hair so red. A face that seemed too young and kind to belong to the killer he was. He seemed to air some mystery that Ben craved for, he was so unordinary in a city where everything was stale and grey.

He stayed up all night though, blasting virtual enemies to shreds until it became boring. The homework wasn’t happening anyway, so he had just tuned out his thoughts in favour of a simple shooter. It was effective distraction too, when he finally did get tired of running through the virtual worlds in search of something to blast to shreds it was close to two in the morning. The night outside was pitch-black, and he had the vague idea that it would rain soon, but the street-lights gave off their orange sheen, showing Ben that the clouds hadn’t burst into a downpour yet.

His mother was gone so often lately. She was on trip after trip. She never really said where she would be going, not that Ben asked either. She’d left on Tuesday, she would be back tomorrow maybe, or well… Later today that would be by now. He didn't mind it when she was gone, it made life more free. Ben had always been better off alone. He liked his time to think, to do what he liked and what he wanted. His mother never really seemed to understand him, and his father had been even worse at that. Ben was not a normal child, with simple interests, but every ‘weird’ thing that he seemed to like was judged and discouraged. He hated that, why could they not just support him and be glad that he was not some simple sheep that was interchangeable with literally everyone?

He was putting on pyjamas, figuring he would need to sleep at least some time, when his phone buzzed. It was a text.

_"Please let me in."_ It said, unknown number.

He frowned and deleted it. What kind of creepy message was that? He hadn’t invited anyone over, especially not an unknown number. The few people that he did know were in his contacts. It creeped him out, so his face twisted even more when there was a second message, more desperate in nature.

_"Please, I don't know where to go."_

Ben let out a huff and stared at the screen. ‘How about you go home?’ He thought. ‘Whoever the fuck you are.’ There was something nagging in his gut. Was he being watched now? He sighed and walked to the window, peeking out of it as he called the number with somewhat shaky hands.

"Who is this?" He asked, his voice a bit high and pinched in his throat.

"I know... I'm sorry. I found your number in my pocket. I did not even realize I still had it. It’s just… the citadel is still so far... Please... They hurt me..."

Ben’s eyes widened a bit. He recognized the voice, but it couldn't be that boy, surely… After all, he had already noticed that it was a voice that was common. Yet, he had the accent, that weird intonation to some words that Ben had not heard with anyone else in his entire life. Why would he call him though? They hurt him… Who was ‘they’? And why would he come to Ben’s house? Would he not have places to lay low for these kinds of moments? Unless… It was the first time he got hurt. Ben felt a bit of a chill in his gut at the thought. He was sure they wouldn't see or talk to each other ever again. The boy had been so adamant and sure. Maybe it was a trap? Maybe they were trying to lure Ben out to kill him. But on the other hand, they could probably be in here unnoticed in five minutes, so that would be illogical. He then realized he had been silent for a whole long while, because the other had started to ask him to at least say something.

Ben’s eyes scanned the street that he could see from his window, hoping to spot him for some kind of verification. It took a moment, but eventually his attention landed on a hooded form he recognized from that day. He was out of the light from the lantern so that he would be hard to see, but Ben could just see him move against the wall of the other building, keeping one hand pressed to his side, the other holding a phone that gave off a weak bit of light as it was pressed to his ear. He really was here, asking for Ben.

"Just a sec. I'll be right down." He said then, letting it fall from his lips before he could change his mind.

He hung up his phone and sprinted down the stairs, blood rushing in his ears. He did not think this through. What if he was here to kill him? Well, then he probably would anyway, whether Ben would come down or not. What if he was really hurt though? Ben barely even knew how to put a Band-Aid on. No matter, Ben was never really someone that planned, he was the kind that managed to put the situation to his own hand in some way. Time and again, he would make things work out, this would be no different. He unlocked the door that led outside, the narrow corridor that was parallel to the offices and led directly to the stairs of their apartment. Ben wondered for a moment if they would be able to walk next to each other here. He would figure that out too. When he was outside he quickly walked to the hooded figure, who he now knew was the red-headed boy. The boy was leaning against the wall, his breathing sounded kind of ragged. Ben stood over him and tried to think of what to do next. He needed to get him on his feet first, he would be too heavy to carry. He tipped back the hood so that he could look at his face. He was in pain, clearly, it was written all over his face.

"Let me help you up." He said, surprised when the boy simply held out an arm to let Ben pull him to his feet.

Ben didn't hesitate at all and wrapped an arm around the boy’s waist too to let him lean on him. It was as awkward as Ben thought it would be, the boy was leaning heavily, trying to put his weight back on his own feet. He had definitely not been lying about being hurt. Slowly Ben guided him to the door, letting it fall in the lock again as they were inside. The narrow corridor only just allowed them to walk side by side, but only because they were pretty much joined at the hip. It took them quite a while, because Ben had to almost carry the other up the stairs.

"What happened?" Ben asked once they were finally upstairs, panting heavily.

But instead of an answer Ben felt the boy falling forward. He managed to catch him and carefully moved him so he could sit on the ground for a moment. He seemed exhausted. Hux groaned and clutched his hand around the wound. He vaguely heard something akin to alarm-bells going off in his head, warning him that this was not the right call. He should have ran to the Citadel, bitten through the pain and blood and hope for the best. He should have ignored the little piece of paper that seemed to have presented itself like a sign from above. Why, why was he here? He had steered clear of the boy and now he was still at his house. The other looked scared, but he still asked about him first. Hux grit his teeth at the jolt he felt in his side when he moved his hand a bit.

"There were so many of them there." He said, knowing he wouldn't make much sense. “I knew that there would be patrols, but it was swarming… Like a fucking wasp’s nest.”

He could barely even fathom half of it himself. Ben helped him up again, even when Hux whimpered. Hux tried to push him away, moaning that he just wanted to be left alone for a moment to catch his breath. He did feel a little short of it, as if the searing pain took at least half his lung-capacity away.

"No please, get up, you'll get blood on the carpet or something... And if my mom sees it-" Ben pleaded.

Hux understood that at least and let himself be dragged up to his feet again. He felt guilty, this was not something you forced people into. The other did not seem to mind that he was here. But he seemed scared, taken aback. And what if the kid’s parents had been home? Were they home? He didn’t dare to ask. Instead he pushed himself to stand again, checking if he had not already smeared the wall with blood or that his wound might have leaked into the carpet. It was still clean, luckily.

"W-Where to?" Ben asked.

"Bathroom." Hux groaned through his teeth, trying to stop feeling the goddamn pain.

Ben nodded and helped Hux to get there, it was a good thing that the other was not too tall, just an inch or two taller than Ben was, that way it was easier to support his weight. He brought him to the bathroom, leaving the door of it open as he helped him to lean his own weight against the shower-cabin. When Ben let him go he was at least holding himself up.

"Okay, just... Take off the thing- Uniform... I have to see what we have in our medi-kits." Ben said, fingers shaking.

He was here, the boy was here. He couldn't stop shivering, but he was not yet sure if that had to do with the excitement of having the boy here or with the fucking anxiety that came with the idea that he was bleeding and in pain. Or maybe he was shaking because he had no, absolutely _no_ idea what to do with this. While Ben went around to search for their aid-kits, Hux lifted the rifle from his back and put it against the wall before he slumped into the shower-cell. He sort of fell against the wall and sagged down to the tiles there. It smelled nice here, like lemons and soap. It had something normal and homey. It was something he wasn’t used to. The citadel’s showers smelled like nothing in particular and back home he had his own bathroom, that simply smelled like clean clothes and expensive bath-product.

He pulled off the greaves and gloves he wore, tossing them aside weakly while Ben still roamed around for the med-kits in their home. Where did they even keep those? When he found them he was a tad disappointed however. It was a bit unspectacular, the things they had here. He did bring them to the bathroom, he would figure something. He dumped it all in the sink and sighed as he tried to sort them a bit. He looked back to see the ginger-haired boy struggle out of his tight undershirt, whining in pain as he finally pulled it over his head. Ben swallowed a bit as he watched him for a moment, sitting there with his red flushed cheeks while the rest of his face was stark white. By now he was wearing nothing but black briefs, and his entire right side was smeared with his own blood. It had all come out of a gun-wound just above his hip. Ben grabbed his clothes from the floor and put them in a plastic bag.

"I'll hide these... And your weapons." He said when the boy reached out to stop him, as if he thought that Ben would steal them from him or something.

Hux watched him walk off again, almost snorted at the way the younger boy handled his rifle. He sat up against the glass wall of the shower-cabin and looked ahead, trying to maintain his focus. His adrenalin-shot was starting to wear off, so the pain got even worse. He let out a sharp hiss as he put his hand over the wound again, clamping off the bloody edges. It just would not stop bleeding. He did not know if he should be worried. He looked at his arm shortly, at the gash one of the bullet-grazes had left. That one had already stopped bleeding, so… This should too…

"Hey." Ben said weakly from the door-opening. "What... What do I do now?"

Hux had almost forgotten about him already, thinking he was alone like usual, but Ben was there, trying almost desperately to help make him better. He even looked down at Hux with so much raw worry that he felt a certain awkwardness at it. It made him want to turn his face away, or tell the boy that he did not need to care that much, that he was just a single person, replaceable and insignificant.

"Turn on the water... Not too hot." Hux told him, gesturing at the knobs with a weak hand.

"Okay."

Ben slowly cranked open the shower's pipes and checked its temperature, making sure to set it to a mild heat before he let it wash down. The blood immediately started to mix with the water, flushing down the drain.

"And then?"

Hux pushed himself up to a better sit so he could do more with his arms than just hold himself up. He tried to drag himself under the spray of water to wash himself clean.

"I'll need a wash-cloth, and a towel for when I'm clean... And you need to find how to remove a bullet."

Ben looked up then, eyes going from the swirls of blood to the other's eyes. Had he just heard that? The boy was just joking right? Trying to make fun of him a bit… He did not look like he was in a joking mood though, letting out another set of whimpers when he finally managed to position himself under the beam of water.

"H-how am I-" Ben started.

"Just fucking google it."

Ben nodded nervously and went to get the things Hux had asked for. He put the towel in his reach, but somewhere where it wouldn't get wet and handed him the wash-cloth. He tried not to stare too much, he was afraid he would not be able to move anymore if he kept his eyes on the swirl of blood that just would not stop.

"I'll be back in a few." Ben said and went off to his computer, ripping himself away from the scene before him.

Hux inhaled through his nose and exhaled again through his mouth, trying to control his breathing. Somehow his lungs felt too small, it was hard to breathe. It was probably the pain that made him take in air too shallowly. He let the water wash over him for a while and carefully began to clean the wound with the wash-cloth he had gotten. It was only a quick dab to make sure there was nothing in it. Hux hissed against the pain when he touched the wound even a little, but he grit his teeth and continued working on it. He needed to get it clean completely before Ben would dig the bullet out. Only red water was swirling down the drain to his left, it just was not going to stop. How was he ever going to hide this? He shouldn't be here. The poor kid was shaking when he got him from the ground outside. He had been out of options, the citadel was another two miles away, and he wouldn't have made it there with the limited amount of adrenalin he had left in his system. Besides, this area had no other havens he could go to. Ben had been the only option he had… Even if he felt guilty about it. He wiped the last dirt away and rinsed the blood out of the wash-cloth as well as he could before he had to give up, it was not coming out of the fabric. He mustered up all the energy he had left to get to his feet again.

He turned off the tap, and grabbed the towel that Ben had left for him. Hux dried off most of the water, avoiding the bloody edges of his wound and then looked in the mirror. It was a big wound, just above his left hip. As he looked at it, he could almost feel the bullet hit him again. Getting shot was a sensation he was not keen to ever feel again. He was still half remembering the fight when Ben opened the door again and shyly greeted Hux. He looked a little pale and queasy.

"I think I know what to do." He said softly. "I don't want to hurt you though..."

Hux turned and sighed, looking down to see the blood start to come out again, it was starting to worry him how much blood he had already lost.

"I don't want to bleed out." He countered. “It already hurts anyway… So…”

Ben looked at him, nostrils flaring. He was sure his eyes looked ridiculously big when he stared like that. It was weird, to actually see a bullet-wound. It was not like in movies, it was physical and that was somehow making him uncomfortable. He was holding the scalpel he used for school and his mother's curling-iron. He knew it was going to hurt Hux, what he would have to do. He knew he would have to cut him, use tweezers to find a bullet. And even then he would need to burn it all shut. Hux stumbled towards him and grabbed Ben's shoulder when he just stayed in his spot, seemingly glued to it.

"You can do it. I trust you." He tried to assure the boy. "Just... Keep your hand steady at all times..."

Ben nodded and looked to the shower-cabin again, averting his eyes from the wound.

"It might be best if you get back in there... So we can wash all of it away." He suggested weakly, plugging in the curling-iron so that it would heat up fast enough.

Hux complied, stepping back inside the cabin, they were lucky that it was quite spacious. It would certainly make things easier. As long as he could lie still and didn't lose too much blood in the process of removing the bullet he should be fine. Before Hux could lie down Ben dried the floor, trying to prevent the chances of the other getting sick later. He had never done anything like this, but he didn't want the boy to die. Not when he had finally made contact with him, not when he had come here because he seemed to trust him. Him, Ben… For some reason he had chosen to take this to him. Hux steadied himself in the shower-cabin, slowly sitting down and easing onto his back again. The tiles were cold without the warm water pattering on them.

"I suppose you don't really have some pain medication or something?" He asked nervously.

Ben shook his head.

"Nothing that will dull this kind of pain, I'm sorry."

Hux sighed. This was going to hurt, beyond what he had ever felt. The worst he had felt was breaking two ribs when he had first crashed off a building, missing a jump and slamming into a side of a wall too hard.

"Do you have something I can bite down on? I don't want to ruin my teeth from gritting them too hard."

Ben nodded and fetched him a small wooden stick from somewhere in the house.

"Let's get this over with." Hux said, seeing Ben look around for a way to keep his cool.

Hux took the stick from his hand and readied himself. Ben sniffed and took the thin scalpel that he used for school. He had heated it on the stove earlier to make sure it was sterile. The video said he needed to just let it turn orange and it would be enough to use safely, but he was still afraid there was germs on it. It would at least make sure that he could make precise cuts. He climbed into the cabin too and knelt down into it, making sure he had enough space to angle his arms whichever way he might need.

"You ready?"

Hux nodded, nudging the piece of wood between his teeth and looking away. Ben tried not to think too much as he rolled up his sleeves and put one hand next to the wound to have a solid grip and angled the scalpel a bit to start. Hux felt cold, despite the fact that he had just been under the warm water, or maybe Ben’s hands were just too warm and sweaty from the nerves. He tried to repeat the instructions in his head, playing them back as vividly as he could. He needed to widen the wound a bit to allow the tweezers to dig around for the bullet without making things a whole lot worse. He dug the tip in, it made a horrible noise and then Hux tensed as he felt it.

Ben wanted to throw up when he felt blood well up over his hands, he gagged a bit and pressed his nose into his own arm shortly. It felt so much nastier than expected, and the smell did not help either. He had to keep going though, so he dragged the thin blade towards him with a bit of force to carve the bullet-hole open just a bit more. When he had made the wound bigger he took the tweezers from the kit to try and find the bullet. It was hard enough already, if it weren't for Hux that started to scream around the wood in his mouth, his legs kicking out violently until Ben sat down on them to keep him still. His own fingers were also shaky, which did not help either. His one hand kept the other steady enough, clamped around the boy’s side to make sure he would not jerk away.

He was sweating as he dug around for the bullet, the steel tips prodding around in soft flesh. It had to be deeper in than he had thought it would be. Where was that goddamn thing? Finally he ticked against a piece of metal and he managed to clamp the tweezers around the bullet before pulling it out. It wasn’t too stuck, luckily. That would have made this even worse, Hux was already holding the wrist of his stabilizing hand with enough force to make his fingers feel numb, at least he was not batting Ben’s hands away. He set aside the tweezers and looked at the new puddle of blood that was forming near them. He needed to close it off. The curling iron was heated by then, it would be hot enough to sear his skin… Hopefully. He had burned a finger on it once, but this was different. He decided not to warn Hux about it and immediately pressed the tip of the bar against the wound. Without the plastic casing that one would use for hair it was almost glowing with heat, and it in fact worked. The hissing noise was terrible, but the sound Hux made was worse. It sounded too painful, choked and miserable. Ben waited until he would be sure it was all cauterized before he pulled it away, wincing at the sight of the burned skin.

"Okay... Okay I have it." Ben said, dropping the iron elsewhere and jerking out the plug so it would cool.

Hux pried the wood from between his teeth and continued to whimper and whine in pain, curling away a bit. Ben chewed on his lip, sitting back and waiting for Hux to regain his bearings. It smelled like burned skin around them, and in his head Ben could still hear the sizzle of the blood heating under the iron. He just hoped that none of what he did had been wrong… And he hoped that his mother would never find out. He would need to scrub the place clean, hope that she would never see the blood, not even a trace of it.

"Give me the kit." Hux said eventually, voice rasping.

Ben nodded and put down the box next to Hux so he could look through it, then his eyes fell on the bullet. A real fucking bullet, he took it in his hand and studied it shortly, wincing at how deformed it looked from the impact. Hux dug up a tube of burn-ointment, some sort of stick-on bandage with a burn-mending coating, and a thick roll of bandage. None of it was made for this level of hurt, but they were at least going to ease the ache and protect it from getting any worse.  

"Please?" Hux asked when his fingers shook too much to get the cap of the tube.

Ben looked up and nodded, his smile too thin to seem sincere. His own hands still weren’t steady either, but he twisted the cap off at least.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't be here." Hux said to him.

Ben shook his head. He was not angry about it, not in the least. He just felt that he should have been able to do better. He felt out of his depth… Which he was, he really was.

"No it's fine. I'm glad you came to me."

He grabbed the tube and got some of the ointment on his fingers. Carefully he dabbed most of it on Hux's wound. Hux grit his teeth against the painful contact, despite how careful Ben was. But well, it had to hurt… Even the slightest touch looked painful. By now the wound looked raw, but it wasn't bleeding anymore. Most of it was angry red, a colour that originated from the recent burn and some bloody swipes. Ben made sure to clean most of those away, avoiding the rims of the burn-mark as he used the washcloth from before to remove the remaining blood. When he was done, Hux looked little short of passing out.

"Come on. You need some rest and something to drink maybe." Ben said, grabbing the bandages and burn-patch in one hand and holding out the other to help Hux up.

Ben wrapped an arm around Hux when he struggled to even sit up and carefully pulled him to his feet, making sure he would not be leaning against his hurt side. Slowly they walked towards Ben’s room where Ben let Hux down on his bed, sliding himself from under him and making sure he would stay seated so that he could put the bandages on the wound. When even that was done he stood again, waiting for a moment to see if Hux would ask him anything else.

"I'll go clean the bathroom. Will you be fine until I get back?"

"Yeah... Maybe..." Hux huffed, breathing heavily.

Ben had wrapped the wound, crudely so, but tight enough. If he wouldn’t move too much it should stay on just fine. When Ben left to clean up he slipped out of the briefs and found a pair of trainers and a tank-top. He could tell that Ben did not wear them much, they were stashed away a bit in a drawer of his wardrobe that seemed not to get opened a lot. He pulled the cords tighter in the grey pants and pulled the hem of the black tank far down his back to make sure the bandage was covered. He looked down at his hands and found them still shaking. It was no longer a violent sort of jerk, but he could not still his fingers even if he tried. Ben had given him some of his mother's pills, they were supposed to be calming and put the body back in balance... It was the best Ben could do, he’d said. They should make sure the burns wouldn't give him a fever, if he took three or four, but then he would have to sleep too to let them do their work. Hux sagged on the bed and decided that he better take them. He needed to rest anyway, even if it was only for a while, he couldn't leave like this, he would collapse before he could get six blocks out. He heard Ben scrubbing in the bathroom and felt horrible for what he had asked of the poor boy. He had so specifically said himself that contact was not supposed to be. That it was dangerous, yet that kid was willing to let him bleed in his bathroom and scrub the evidence of it away. He curled up a little on the bed and closed his eyes. Just a few minutes... Just a few and then he would go. He would only let those pills do their work, no more…

Ben grabbed all the cleaning agents he could find in the house. He needed to make sure everything was gone and clean. Ben took it all to the bathroom and sighed. It looked like someone had been murdered in their shower, despite the fact that Hux had already washed off the blood he had come in with. Removing the bullet had made new puddles in the shower-cabin, streaking the white tiles in various shades of red. He let the water run and rinsed away most of the blood on the floor with the shower-head. Then he grabbed a cloth and bucket and began carefully scrubbing away the other evidence, making sure he also cleaned the rims between the tiles, the steel strips that closed off the corners of the glass cabin, the panes of the same cabin that had some blood spattered on it. It took him quite some time until he was satisfied with the result. He had made sure that not a single drop of blood was left behind in the shower or along the route they had walked. Ben had even checked the stairs, but luckily they were clean.  

Finally he could put everything he’d used back in its original spot. He first put away the medi-kits and scalpel, then he threw out all the cloth that had been used to clean blood away, the wash-cloth too. He couldn’t risk putting them in the washing machine. He just dumped them in the garbage chute when he had gathered them up. As he was finally done, the only remaining trace was in fact Hux himself. Aside from the fact that he was still in Ben’s room there was nothing left. Except maybe… Ben walked outside then, checking the driveway where he had found Hux, but it was pretty much clean too, nothing that would stand out as weird. When he had even done that he checked the bathroom one last time and decided all the traces were gone. Finally he could go check on Hux. He was asleep, which was almost surprising. He had expected him to be awake, trying to leave… Even though he very much preferred that it was like this. Ben saw him curled up in his bed, wearing some of his old gym-clothes. He did check shortly if he had not just collapsed instead, but it was just a normal sleep. He was just resting.

Ben sat on the edge of his bed, next to him somewhere. He was on the verge of panic now that he could let all of it wash over him. He had just dug a bullet out of a boy, with his own hands, in his own house. He was still holding onto the slug. He did not know what to do with it, so he was still holding it in his palm. He wanted to keep it for some reason, but that seemed very weird, even to him… Not that any of this was not weird to begin with. On the other hand though, if he threw it out someone might find it and ask questions. He sighed and put it in his nightstand, propping it behind some socks before he curled up on the free place in the bed. He needed to sleep it off or else he would completely lose it. Then, tomorrow, he would know if this had just been a wicked dream. It was too real though, all of it was too vivid for even his wild imagination. He put his hand on Hux’s shoulder, on the thin cut that sat there from some other mission. He was really here, Ben could not remember all these details like this, they were too sharp and crisp. He pulled his arm back and closed his eyes, he needed to sleep, he would just see about the next morning when it would be there.

 


	3. A hazy sleep and a doubtful mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we go, Chapter 3, kind of interval if you take last two in consideration. Next chapter will contain more drama again. XD Please leave a comment here if you feel like it, or come talk to me on tumblr by username Epselion. I will do my best to keep this weekly updating a thing

The next morning swam into focus too slowly for Hux. He was usually up right away, the moment he started to regain consciousness. It would have to do with yesterday, the wound and the medication after it. He wasn't that hurt anymore at least, it was just a vague pulse above his hip, a reminder that he had been hit, for the first time. Also a reminder that he had managed to take care of it… But not in the Citadel. He had lain low somewhere... Where again? His head was too slow, it annoyed him. He groaned and turned a little on his other side. That did hurt indeed, but at least it jolted him awake enough to take in where he was. There were voices, barely audible through the closed door. This room smelled like an overheating computer, mountain dew and cheap deodorant. He opened his eyes, looking around the room. It was completely different from his own room, messy and disorderly. He liked it for that very reason… It was different. He pushed up on his elbows, remembering the boy it belonged to when his mind finally caught up with him. He was still here. He should have been out of here already. He hesitated, thought about getting his garb and leave. But he could hear voices, if he would be busted in the process of leaving, then he could risk exposing himself to the other person that was here now. It was a woman, or a girl, the voice was female at least. The door opened suddenly when he was still thinking about his options. He startled a bit but managed not to show it when Ben came running in.

"Your name is Aaron." The boy said, swiping black hair from his face as he closed the door with a slam.

"What?" Hux said slowly, sitting up in bed.

"I'm so sorry, my mother came home in the middle of the night and she saw that you were here when checking up on me.... And ah… You were in my bed, you know."

He paused and gestured a bit, trying to illustrate what it would imply.

"I panicked when she was there this morning to ask about it and I-"

Hux frowned, trying to get Ben to finish his sentence.

"I told her you were my boyfriend and now she won't shut up about it."

Hux stared at him. He had done what?

"Boyfriend? You couldn't have just said that a friend came over and stayed?"

Ben turned red and looked away a bit, fiddling with his shirt.

"That would be even less realistic. I mean… We have a spare mattress and you were still in my bed."

Hux opened his mouth to say something, but Ben was first.

"Come on. I’m sorry, but I said it, it’s out now and she is very, _very_ hyped about it. She's not going to let you walk out of here before you’ve met her and had breakfast. Besides, you could use some food to regain your strength."

Hux sighed and slowly came out of the bed. He couldn’t blame Ben, but he did feel angry that he had slept through the whole night. He should have snuck off and gone to someplace where he would not bother this kid. He was supposed to be back at the Citadel now. Ben would think he was an ungrateful son of a bitch, but it would have allowed him to keep his own deal. Getting attached was not an option in his line of work, Thrawn practically carved it in the skulls of his recruits. This was a bad thing indeed, even if Ben did seem to feel like this was lucky. Whatever he thought though, the least he could do after last night was help him settle this story. After that he would just find a window to get out of here… Problem solved and then he could go.

"Ben? Are you and Aaron coming? Breakfast is ready."

"Yes, mom."

So his name was Ben. Well, that was good, being able to call him his name in front of his _mother._ He did not like this one bit.

"Why Aaron?" Hux huffed,  trying to look a bit normal at least, pulling his hair from his face and straightening out Ben’s clothes.

The wound hadn't bled through overnight, that was the one good thing about this.

"I panicked... I just… I might have named you when I tried to make sense of what I saw and it seems to fit you."

Hux gave him a dismissive gesture and wiped his eyes clean.

"I didn't know your name... I'm sorry." Ben said.

Hux shook his head and grabbed Ben’s shoulder. He could tell that Ben felt guilty about this, somehow. He too realized that this was not supposed to happen. Neither of them would have any chance at turning this around though, so there was little use in discussing it.

"No. Aaron is okay, you shouldn't know my real name anyway. It's my fault... It was supposed to be a quick sleep, and I would have left early in the morning. The pills must have knocked me out a bit too well."

He snorted a bit when Ben gave him a sorry look.

"Just, let me do the lying. You do not seem too good at it."

Ben looked at him, grinning sheepishly. He felt only a little guilty, the rest was a sort of inner cheer. That Hux was still here was just too great, it was what he had wanted. It was like a bit of a dream. When Hux had adjusted his hair and clothes they both came out to greet Ben's mother.

"Good morning." He said with a smile.

"I am so sorry that this had to be awkward." Leia said when she shook his hand. "So, Aaron is it?"

Hux nodded, smiling a smile that made Ben crush even harder for that face, so open and different from before. There was no frown or fear, just a sort of kindness and charm that seemed to go much better with the boy’s age.

"Aaron Mooreen." Hux said. "It's my fault, that we hadn’t met yet. I have been a little too busy with school to come by before."

He flashed his eyes to Ben a bit and shrugged.

"Sorry about that."

Ben felt his face getting hot again, Hux knew how to fake things, Ben believed him even though he knew it was fake. Maybe he really was looking for it to have some truth though. The idea gave him a knot in his stomach… The notion that he would be special like that… He would be on cloud nine.

"Don't you worry, dear. School is important."

Ben’s mother smiled at him and patted his arm.

"Please, sit. If there's anything you need just ask me or Ben. I am almost done with breakfast."

Hux smiled widely at Ben’s mother. He had gotten good at lying, almost too good, she did not even question this for a second. There were no questions about them being gay, about how long they had been together or how they might have met.

"Thank you."

Hux sat down at the table and looked at Ben, then grinned. It was kind of funny seeing the boy like that with his red face. He seemed to enjoy this scheme a bit too much. But Hux was almost grateful for it now. The boy’s mother was Leia Organa… Another senator. Thrawn had already hoped to put eyes on her when she started to grow important in the upcoming elections. The Resistance party had chosen her as its new front-runner and like this, Hux could have access to everything, right here under his hands. Suddenly this issue was starting to look very lucrative indeed.

"Are you joining me?"

Ben snapped out of his daze and nodded quickly. He sat down next to Hux, and was surprised that he wrapped his arm around Ben’s shoulder. He stiffened a bit as it looped over him like they always sat like that in their free time… Like they had time together for that matter. Ben’s mother was watching them with a smile. She had not thought her son would fall in love this soon given his hate for this city, let alone someone that seemed to like him back so sincerely. She was afraid Ben would bring home some weird dark kid that was obsessed with death, just to spite her for dragging the both of them away from where he grew up. She had known all along that he would bring a boy home, even when he was still trying to hide it from her. It was one of those things you could just sense as a mother, she didn’t mind though, never had. They seemed to fit well together, even if they were an unlikely pair if you’d look at them. Ben was slouching as always, his black hair still a mess, and Aaron was sitting up straight, keeping his red hair as neat as it would allow to be combed with fingers alone. He was polite too, she wondered if there was a disaster waiting to happen somewhere along this line. For now though, she hoped Ben would finally get to like the city more now that he had found someone. She hoped it would last too, she liked it better when her boy was smiling. As Ben's mother set out to finish up breakfast Hux ducked his head a bit to talk to Ben more privately.

"Just so that I don't fail spectacularly, where is your dad?"

Ben snorted a bit and looked Hux in the eye, he wasn't joking though.

"Uh... Not around anymore. Mom divorced him about seven months ago, it's a sore topic."

Hux nodded a bit.

"And I take it you attend the Republican high school?" He asked it all with a sense of ease, his body-posture easy and comfortable, trying to make it come off as if they were just discussing something simple.

"Yeah... Third year."

Hux hummed, studying the rooms around him. He wanted to report something to Thrawn later, to make his connection a valid excuse… A valid excuse to come back to this, to have more of it. It was nice to be here. It had something simple and domestic, he was not used to that. He did start to feel very keen to hang onto it though. The usual stress seemed to stop existing in this little apartment, and he _never_ felt that. Like this was a haven where he would not need to be First Order… Or a Hux. Just this character that he had been given, one with a simpler life.

"So... What is going to happen now?" Ben asked then, looking at Hux with some sense of hope. "After breakfast and stuff I mean. Will I ever see you again?"

Hux sighed and took Ben's hand, holding it in his, trying to see if he would be able to actually say this. Thrawn would want to bash his head in if he would think Hux came here for any other reason than his loyalty to the Order, and it was probably the worst idea he had ever had for that reason… But Ben wanted him here, seemed to love this charade. He owed Ben everything now, he had done for him something that required some sort of insane loyalty and trust. He had not even questioned it, let him in, door wide open.

"Yeah... You are mine to protect now." He said, looking in Ben's eyes. "Because you did the same for me..."

Ben's face grew bright red at that as he looked at Hux's face. He seemed to hesitate a little about what he had just said but he let out a sigh and smiled at him when it was finally out.

"You mean- Are you... Serious?" Ben asked.

Hux grinned a bit at his hopeful smirk, and seriously, Ben needed to see that more. It made Hux look more boyish, especially with the messier hair he had now and the softness of the sunlight around them.

"Yeah." Hux said. "I'm serious... Besides, as your boyfriend I can't just go and disappear."

"You are not my real boyfriend though." He said then.

"As long as I am here, I am your boyfriend. You better play along with your little lie the same way too, your mother doesn't look like she is stupid." Hux countered.

"She certainly isn't. But the good part is I haven't brought anyone home before, so she doesn't know anything about this kind of stuff either… It’s new for her as it is for me."

Hux let out a soft laugh.

"This kind of stuff hmmm?"

Talking with Ben was easy, there did not have to be any thought behind what passed his lips.

"Here you go boys."

Ben’s mother came walking in with a smile and put a plate with pancakes on the table, going back to retrieve a second plate of bacon and eggs and some bread as well.  

"I didn't know what you’d like Aaron, but I hope there is plenty enough to find something you enjoy."

Hux nodded eagerly. He was pretty hungry after last night and all the blood loss it had involved. It had made him a little queasy. Luckily he could just write off the dark circles it caused to bad sleep and school. Midterms were only just over after all.

"Thank you. It looks amazing."

He almost couldn't believe it... He never had pancakes before, or anything that was considered unhealthy or ‘poor people food’. His father hated sweet things for instance, said they ruined a man's resolve and made monsters out of children. Breakfast at their house was usually tuna on toast and a boiled egg.

"Do you go to college Aaron?" Leia asked him.

"Sort of." Hux answered, snagging one of the cakes from the plate. "I go to the Academy actually."

No use lying about that part. Leia might see him in uniform some other time, if she was walking through the city or if he would somehow come to Ben again straight out of school.

"Really?"

She seemed surprised.

"Yeah, it's okay there... I cannot deny that I have a good opportunity for my career-life later when I'll graduate."

He smiled a bit.

"I met Ben at the coffee-shop actually. He couldn't make sense of the 6000 different types of coffee and I just walked him through it."

He smirked a bit.

"He was also the first Republic school student that did not immediately wish to hate me." He huffed. "I honestly do not get the damn hatred between these schools."

He wasn't even lying anymore now.

"Class wars are so benign, like there aren’t more important issues in this damn country."

Ben snorted a bit.

"You from a rich family then, Aaron?" Leia asked, wondering probably if he would be some snob.

He kind of was though. But in this case it would work against him to simply admit to it. The richer families were usually quite known, so he couldn’t just lie that he was some random person’s son.

"No. I uh, I got a scholarship when I was 14." He said instead.

He took the syrup that Ben passed him with a small nod as thanks.

"I'm pretty good at engineering."

He tried to read Leia, she did not seem to like the Academy much, but she did seem to still like him in general.

"You must be exceptional then. The Academy is usually quite closed to the common folk."

Hux bowed his head at that.

"I've noticed. But well, it's only for the paper it gets me by the end of it, the rest I want no part of."

Again, he was putting almost too much truth in his stories here.

"You can eat darling." Leia said then, noticing that he had yet to touch anything on his plate. "They're best warm, and this is not an interrogation."

Hux smiled lightly.

"I don't mind really. It's only normal you would want know more about the boy dating your son."

He put some syrup on his pancakes and followed Ben’s lead on how to eat them without looking like an idiot.

"Just ask me anything if you want to know. My parents would probably do the same."

No they wouldn't, he reminded himself. They would probably send him to some cleansing ritual if he would come home with a boy. They would say he was out of his goddamn mind and he would never be looked at again. That would be the end of his freedom probably, or worse yet, it could be the end of his life as a Hux, cut off from the family before he could shame them any farther. He took a bite from his pancake and hummed. It was very sweet, sticky too… He wasn’t used to it, but he wanted to be.

"What are you guys doing later on? Going out? You could eat some dinner with us too Aaron if you'd like?" Leia asked when it had been quiet for a while.

Hux knew he shouldn't indulge himself like this... He knew Thrawn expected news and his parents also did not know where the hell he was. But it was nice to be Aaron, almost too nice.

"I don't think we really made plans yet. I kind of crashed here after we spent last night on homework... I hadn't thought we'd be busy until that late."

He looked at Ben then. It was not exactly fair to shove the choice in his shoes, but he did so anyway.

"What do you want me to do?" He asked him.

"I'd like it if you... Stayed." Ben murmured. "Only if you can of course."

Hux shrugged, that was to be expected of course.  

"I will if I can." He simply answered.

And he meant it too, which he damned himself for. He was weak, these needs were pathetic, useless. This was not even real, it was pretend, the way children played it. He would just do this for the information, it wasn’t selfish… It was thinking ahead, providing for the First Order… Nothing more.

"Where are your clothes though, Aaron?" Leia asked then. "I know those you are wearing now are Ben's clothes... But I didn't see anything foreign in his room.”

Ben groaned then, ears going bright red in a matter of seconds.

"Mom!"

He knew what she might be trying to say, which had to do with things that Ben was a little young for.

"They're in a bag. Little accident with a bottle of soda. Ben is a very enthusiastic gamer after all. It will wash out probably." Hux simply announced.

He finished breakfast with a faint smile and then stood. It was starting to stir in his gut, the idea that he was making a mistake. What if he slipped up later? What if the wound would start to bleed again for some reason? What if Ben suddenly decided to blurt out his identity to his mom? No, that was ridiculous, Ben wouldn’t do that to him- He halted his thoughts there and looked sideways at the boy. He didn’t even know him…

"Is it okay if I use the shower?" He asked, knowing he would need some space to collect the rapidly increasing thoughts that rushed through his head.

"Of course love. Ben must have some other clothes for you to borrow as well. Something more decent at least than those old things."

He thanked her with a wordless nod and walked off. Leia grinned a bit as he walked away from the table, head down, already lost in thought.

"Well, you did very well there baby, I’m impressed." She said when Hux had disappeared into the bathroom. "He seems very lovely, and so polite too."

Ben smiled. He liked this, a lot it. Even if it was all fake, he liked that they were talking to each other. It was something he had fantasized about a long time. His mother liked Aaron, she liked him! That meant that it would be easier to invite him over… If he would ever come over again that was. He said that Ben would see him again, that he would protect him, but would that be up close and personal? Ben wondered about that, wondered about all of this.

"I know mom. I hope it'll stay like this for a long time." He answered eventually.

Leia smiled.

"You two make a good pair, I’m sure you’ll be together for a long time. Go get your boyfriend some clean clothes though, those gym-clothes haven’t been out of the closet for years, they must be dusty."

Ben nodded and took walked to his room. He knew that when he’d be done in his room that his mother would be gone again, off to someplace for work. He didn't mind his mother leaving for the rest of the day, now more than ever. That way he had more time alone with Aaron. That's what he was going to call him for now, until he knew his real name. He was sure that he would, the boy would tell him at some point. Ben would see to it that he would.

******

The moment Hux was alone he fished his phone from his pocket. He had tucked it in there when he’d woken up, but he had felt it buzz so often already. He knew it had to be bad, but he still winced at the list of notifications. He had so many calls, he was so damn busted. What was he even going to say to explain himself? He locked himself into the bathroom and decided to call Phasma first, she topped the list of callers after all, with a total of 36 missed calls. She must have been really, really worried. When he did call she took less than 3 seconds to pick up, she had been waiting for him to call.

"Oh fucking hell, Bran! It is you! Thank god, I thought you were dead in a dumpster somewhere." She immediately said.

Hux huffed a bit, but well, if he hadn't thought of Ben he would not have been far off from that situation… He wouldn’t have picked a dumpster to curl up and die in, but well, that would have been a detail.

"I'm sorry. I found a haven but I passed out there before I could call." He said, keeping his voice down a bit in case someone would be listening at the other end of the bathroom-door.

"So you did get hurt? I already thought so- Thrawn said you were probably fine but I couldn’t help and think about it." She sighed.

It was touching in a way, that she took it so heavily. He knew that she cared, as a friend… But now he was more sure than ever that they were basically family.

"I got shot... But the target is cleared and nobody saw my face." Hux answered eventually.

He heard her huff out a breath, relieved to hear him talk.

"For god's sake Bran... I was worried sick. Are you okay? Is the wound patched?"

He smiled a bit at her tone, it sounded as if she would storm down the road with a medi-kit if he said he’d need it.

"Yes, it's all taken care of, don't worry."

He looked at the door.

"What about my parents though, you know anything?"

Phasma let out a loud snort.

"Yeah, they called me out of bed at 2 AM asking where the fuck you were." She huffed then. "I took care of it. I said you were a little on the tipsy side from the wine they kept pouring and that you didn't want to show up to them with the chance you would ruin whatever appointment your dad was in."

Hux winced a bit. His father would sure get him for that, getting drunk was dumb and irresponsible according to him. It was not done and they were supposed to be better, he could already hear the speech. No matter, it was better than scrambling for an excuse when he would finally show up at the house again.

"So, you act a bit hungover when you make it home again." She murmured to him.

"When did you say I'd be home?" He asked her, keen to stick to whatever story would save his ass.

"I uh, I lied you'd stay for dinner here because my mom felt sorry for you... So don't go back there until maybe 9 or something and make sure that you eat."

Hux sighed and nodded, relieved. He would have to properly thank her for this later.

"You really okay Bran?"

"Yeah. I'm good. I'll see you at the citadel tonight when I have to switch garb. You can see for yourself, I’m just peachy." He said. "Just report to Thrawn for me... Please?"

Phasma snorted a bit.

"You really know how to worry people."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"I'll give Thrawn your report, but you better show up tonight."

Hux leaned against the wall of the bathroom. After he had assured Phasma he would be there tonight he hung up. The other calls were from his parents, but that was taken care of. Thank god for Phasma. He would have been in much bigger trouble if it weren't for her. Hux looked at the door when he heard a quick knock. He unlocked and opened it. Ben was standing there, smiling faintly as he presented him some clothes to him.

"I didn't know what you might like, so I pulled something I don’t wear much from my closet."

He nodded and thanked Ben, taking the stack from him with his head down.

"Something wrong?" Ben asked him.

"No." Hux said, trying to smile a bit. "It's all fine."

He sighed then as he pulled his mind away from thinking about home, about excuses and stories.

"Will you redo the bandages for me when I'm done? Your mother would-"

"Oh, she's gone... Work."

Ben shrugged a little.

"She said she'd be back for dinner. But I will help you with that later... You just take that shower."

Hux nodded and carefully closed the door again. Ben had at least made an attempt to grab something that would suit Hux better. He knew the boy was fond of his hooded sweaters and shapeless t-shirts, he hadn't seen him wear anything else yet so far. But for Hux he had dug up a reasonable pair of black jeans and a pull-over that had a bit of a v-neck and a narrower fit. It was a dark green, and Hux thought about asking if he could keep it, which he immediately kicked himself for. He couldn't let himself have such things. He turned the shower on and washed quickly, giving the wound a soft dab with a new wash-cloth as well. He didn't take long, and when he was dressed he helped himself to some of Ben's hair-product to re-fashion it into the usual side-part, neatly pulled into shape. He washed his hands and came out with the shirt still off. Ben was sitting on the couch, the TV playing some cartoons.

"Hey." Hux said softly. "Can you help me with the wound?"

Ben immediately nodded, signing to the medi-kit he already had next to him.

"Does it still hurt?" He asked as he looked at the side of his hip with a quick glance.

Hux snorted.

"Of course. It's a fresh burn."

He walked towards the couch and sat next to Ben. He looked at the screen, not recognising any of the characters. He didn't have time for television in his daily routine, besides his parents mostly banned TV except for news purposes. It was never necessary… He didn’t miss it, there were other ways to stay entertained. But it also intrigued him now that it was there, the colourful characters and the weird voices. Ben snorted a bit and tuned the sound down a bit to get Hux’s attention. The other slowly turned his head and sighed a little as Ben held up the new burn-patch and a fresh roll of bandage. He smiled at Ben before leaning forward a bit and let him take care of the wound. It didn’t hurt as much as the day before, Ben was still careful, fingertips only touching lightly to the damaged skin as if he was afraid that too much pressure would break the skin again. After Ben had applied the ointment he carefully wrapped a bandage around the wound. Most of the burn still looked fresh, but a lot better than the day before.

"Thank you." Hux said after Ben was down.

He grabbed the shirt he had been given and pulled it over his head. It did not quite fit right, too snug at the shoulders and the hem a little too short, but it was good enough, the fabric of it was very soft… Smelling of whatever wash-product Ben’s mother used for their laundry.

"And I meant to thank you for everything. I probably owe you my life."

Ben got a little red in the face at that idea, it made him feel… Important.

"Really?"

Hux grinned a little as he nodded and sagged against the arm-rest, closing his eyes for a moment. He was still too hazy for his own likes. The warmth of hot water had lulled him back into some form of daze.

"Are you tired?" Ben asked softly.

"A bit." Hux admitted. "I don't sleep a lot between my two separate lives."

Ben looked at him for a bit. So… Hux kept both lives separate then… Whatever his other life included. Something to do with the Academy was all Ben knew.  

"Your parents... Don't know about it?" He asked then.

"No. If they ever would... Well- Yikes..."

Hux let out a soft chuckle, then peeked an eye open again as Ben grabbed his legs and lay them over his lap.

"I- uh.... Sorry. This just seemed more comfortable than the awkward sort of twist you were in." He tried to explain himself.

Hux let out a bit of a laugh, Ben coloured in the face so easily, as if every form of interaction embarrassed him.

"Don’t apologize." He murmured, closing his eyes again.

The armrests on this couch were surprisingly soft under his head and shoulders. It pillowed him enough to make him drift off into little slumbers every now and then. Ben stayed where he was, watching the TV without much thought. He mostly thought about last night. Hux's body in those black briefs... It had still been unmarred before he had been shot. This was his first wound, he must have been as scared as Ben was, maybe even more so. He watched his sleeping face, he looked peaceful like this, like he felt safe here. Ben liked that idea, that Aaron would feel safe here. He still sort of wondered about the boy's real name, what it would be. He knew he had gotten bits and pieces of information by now, and if he would try he might be able to find his real identity... But he wouldn't do that. He wanted his trust, wanted him to realize that it was safe here indeed, that Ben was going to be here for him when he wanted. Still he did wonder how a person became what Aaron was, how someone became a killer like that, at such a young age too. Ben sighed a little and slumped to the side, resting his head on Hux's chest a bit.

"Please don’t leave..." He murmured against the green fabric. "You can trust me, always."

Hux slept most of the morning away like that, alternating between light fits of sleep where he never quite woke up, but also never really drifted off completely. By the time he did completely wake up again it was well into the afternoon. He felt something weigh down his chest when he tried to sit up. A smile crept on his face when he saw Ben dozing there. Hux leaned back again refusing to wake the boy. He was beginning to like him, Ben Solo... Maybe it was his perseverant nature, insisting on being something to Hux, something to keep them together. He wondered why… What made the boy cling to him like this. He remembered what he said, outside the Academy… That Ben was alone, that he saw that Hux was too. There had been something behind those words, the look on his face. It had begged him to just accept him, to let Ben in so they could both just have something in this life. It was terrifying quite frankly… That Ben wanted that. Hux sighed and put an arm over his eyes. Even without the whole killer stuff he was never been born to be normal. His father made sure he wouldn't forget it, everything his father did and had was always under surveillance, including the family. They always needed to stay on edge, be acceptable, respectable, never embarrass the name. It was lonely indeed, if he thought about it… He’d only ever had Phasma to talk to.

Maybe that was why he let Phasma recruit him. She brought him to the citadel when he was 11, putting him in front of Thrawn and saying how she believed he needed to be one of them. She had seen him break into the Academy library one day, climbing in through an open window to return the book he had forgotten to bring back. She said he had talents, that he was good at something… And at that age he had been quite deprived of praise so he was eager to believe her. And then she offered him the option to exploit these talents, do something that would leave a mark on this society. He had been almost eager to do something that was not about his father for once. He was just starting to understand things, so he had been moody and rebellious, and Phasma promised him he could see a whole new truth... Well, she hadn't been wrong. Hux knew now that she brought him into the Order because she wanted a friend there, and Hux was one of her best friends now, even if he was four years younger. He would never do it to someone else though, not to people he cared about anyway... Bring them to the Order. He fully understood now what it meant to be one of their warriors, and it was harder than he had realized back then.

He put a hand on Ben's hair, softly carding through it. This was what he had wanted for years already, something normal and sweet. He turned his head to the window and looked out of it, thinking about the citadel a few miles away, about his home, and yet he did not want to be in either of those places... He wanted to be here. Hux smiled as he looked at Bens face again, so peaceful and innocent. Not someone he wanted to drag into this life. He had to make sure no one could link him with the events that happened. He would be in danger if anyone knew about his part in this. Thrawn would say he knew too much and the other party would just want to get rid of him. Hux let his head fall back again. It would be nice if he could stay like this forever, with nothing to worry about. Ben snoozed until sometime around 4, that was when his stomach demanded that he would find something to eat. He yawned and wiped at his nose a bit. Since when was the couch this comfortable though?

"Welcome back amongst the living." Hux said, with a bit of a grin.

Ben looked up. Oh... Right. He sat up, apologising for falling asleep in the first place.

"It's fine. It was late last night, and you must have slept pretty badly after what happened." Hux said, shifting himself more upright as well. "So, no worries, the cartoons were fun enough."

Ben grinned sheepishly and stood up. He had dreamed the weirdest things though, not necessarily all bad, but weird nonetheless. He had dreamt that the police had come back to question Aaron, knowing that he had been hurt and they kept asking things before Ben had made some heroic move and they both escaped like in the classic movies, running off to some country in the sun where nobody knew who they were and where life was good again. It had been kind of cheesy, but the good kind, the kind that was simple and sweet… As far as he could allow himself to think of murder being sweet that was.

"What's the First Order?" He asked, unable to stop himself.

Hux turned then, shaking his head.

"Don't ask."

Ben scoffed a bit and crossed his arms.

"You are so unfair."

Hux chuckled a little.

"I am. Very much so."

He walked over to Ben and grabbed his hands.

"But not because I want to bully you, only because I want to keep you safe."

Ben huffed.

"I am not a child and I don’t need safekeeping."

Hux grinned widely.

"Yes, you are, and you do. Even if you weren’t, that doesn't make what I say less true."

Ben did not look pleased, but he did not push anymore as he grabbed both of them a drink and a small snack. The silence dragged, and Hux for once did not like the way it lingered between them. He leaned back against the couch a little and glanced at Ben sideways. He was sulking, not subtly either, full lips pouting and his brows knitted together as he looked at the TV.

"I'm curious though... What do you usually have for dinner here?"

Ben shrugged.

"The normal stuff. Pasta, or meat and vegetables, stuff like that mostly. Although a lot of the time it's just that instant food from the supermarket when mom isn’t here."

Hux made a face.

"You really eat that stuff? It always looks like plastic or something."

That made Ben crack up a bit, snorting and looking at him with a grin. Hux could tell that Ben had forgotten his sulking, just like that, instead turning his thoughts to their current conversation.

"It's not all bad. Some of them actual have a taste. You should try one sometime… It won’t kill you."

Hux wasn't convinced. Even in the citadel they always had proper food, cooked by people that Thrawn had hired a couple of years ago.

"Thank you, but I'll pass on that one."

Ben snorted.

"You are such a snob."

Hux turned to glare at him.

"I'm not... I just cannot see the appeal of those things... Who freezes vegetables in the first place? What moron does that? It’s immoral."

Ben laughed and sat back. They had a rather normal conversation until Leia returned.

"Ah, still here." She said when she saw Hux sit next to Ben. "Good, I brought you a portion too."

She held up the bag with food she had brought. Ben almost couldn't contain his laughter. His mother had brought fried chicken. Hux watched her take out the paper boxes and such.

"Where... Is the silverware?" Hux asked to Ben, wearily… As if the food would be dangerous or something.

Ben laughed at him, this was too good.

"You eat it with your fingers... Moron."

Leia looked up.

"You don't get fried chicken at home?" She asked.

"Uh... No... My mother is really into biologically selected foods..." He murmured.

Ben chortled behind his hands.

"Culture-shock much?" He asked.

"Benjamin." His mother scolded warningly.

Now Hux laughed as Ben made a face at the mention of his full name.

"Yes Benjamin, don't make fun of me." He gloated.

Ben huffed. He hated it when he was called that, although he had to say when Aaron said it, it sounded a lot better already.

"Come on, boys. Let's eat before it's going cold."

They all sat down at the table and Leia put the fried chicken in a bowl so it would be easier to share. Ben grabbed one in each hand immediately and looked at Aaron.

"Go on, it won't bite you."

Hux pulled up an eyebrow.

"You're really not wasting any chances, huh?"

He took some chicken and put it on his plate. It felt greasy, but it smelled good. He walked by some  joints that sold it every now and then, but he had never thought of going in to try it. His upbringing made this seem like some peasant sort of thing that should not be touched. It was kind of nice though when he did eat it. It was very salty, and the chicken-bits were basically undiscernible from the thick batter that was fried around it. Over the course of dinner Leia asked him if he would come over again soon and if he wanted to have a ride home.

"No, no it's okay. I can walk." Hux declined politely. "The weather is good outside and well, this tastes like it needs to be followed by exercise if I’m honest."

He finished his meal and washed his hands over the sink. It was fairly late already he saw with a quick glance at the clock on the opposite wall.

"I need to go." He said when Ben started about dessert. "I'm sorry, my parents asked me to be back by 9."

Ben seemed a little bummed but took Hux to his room to give him back his clothes without any form of complaint.  

"What about the rifle though?" Ben asked when he took it from under his bed. “Mom will see it like this.”

Hux shrugged and started to take it apart, unscrewing the bigger parts and stashing them in the bag with his clothes. He did not take it apart often, but he was happy that it did have the option, there were simply some places that you could not walk into with a gun like that.

"I'll bring your clothes back soon." He promised.

Ben nodded a bit and walked him to the front door. He did not mind if Hux wanted to keep the clothes. They were not really his favourites… Stuff his uncle gave him once if he remembered correctly- He did not care for it.

"Good night, get home safe." Leia said from the kitchen.

"Thank you."

He smiled, leaning against the doorframe of the apartment’s front door. Ben looked at him, hopeful again.

"’Til... Next time?" He asked.

Hux smirked and leaned forward, giving him a very soft kiss, just a touch of the lips nothing more.

"Until next time." He whispered.

He looked into his eyes then and smiled faintly as he touched his cheek.

"You can call me Bran." He eventually said before he straightened again. "Good night Benjamin."


	4. A tender balance and a bloody fist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, school just got intense, I almost did not make my promise this week. I promised drama and I hope I delivered. Next chapter will have Snoke in it, whoopee. I hope you all enjoy reading this one :D

Hux left Ben’s house behind after seeing him off, not lingering in the area any longer to see if Ben would be watching him go. He would have to hurry in order to get home in time, it wasn’t hard to reach home from this part of the city, but he could not go home in these clothes, or with his uniform for that matter. Someone could see it, blood-drenched and still stocked with weapons, even he could not lie himself out of that one. He needed to change back to his school-clothes in the Citadel before going back to his parents.  And he probably needed to check up with Phasma again, show her that he really was fine, she would not believe him before she’d actually seen it for herself. Hux walked towards the citadel on a jog, he could not afford to run fast as usual, he was not in his best state after all. He dropped into the subway-station’s maintenance shaft, unlocking the door at the end of it to get in quietly. He got to his room immediately to put his gear away. He looked at the clock in the main hall, there were about 25 minutes before he had to be home. His parents wouldn't be happy if he got home late after yesterday. He quickly wiggled out of the clothes that Ben had borrowed to him and slipped into his school-uniform again, buttoning it up and straightening out any folds that remained. It had to be immaculate if he wanted any chance for his dad not to freak out too much. He would be looking for things to be pissed off at when he would start reprimanding him for the fact that he hadn’t come home the night before.

"There you are." Phasma said from the door-opening of his room when he was putting on his shoes again. "I already thought I saw you go through the hall."

She sounded relieved, looked like it even more so as she leaned against the frame to look at him.

"How are you?"

Hux looked up and then shrugged.

"Good enough." He said, sitting up straight.

She looked him over, trying to see if Hux would look sick or unhealthy in any way.

"Can I see it?" She asked then. “The wound I mean.”

Hux huffed but pulled up the jacket a bit to reveal the bandage that Ben had wrapped around the wound. She snorted a bit when she saw it, it was rather messy after all.

"Wow, who was your nurse? It looks like a mess."

Hux did not answer her there, did not want her to know about Ben. Instead he put away Ben’s clothes to return later and then put his garb in the laundering box. He sighed a bit and rubbed his face, he was starting to second-guess himself about staying with Ben. He would need to report his chances to spy on Senator Organa, but in doing so he would have to inform the Order about Ben himself, drag the boy into this whole scheme. He would need to think about it first.

"I'm sorry, I really have to go." He said then, trying to stall from her asking him more questions. "We'll catch up soon."

Phasma nodded then, never pushing for information.

"I'll make sure they'll wash the blood out." She said, nodding to his garb. "You be careful with yourself... You know, recover well first before you do new missions."

Hux nodded and checked if he hadn't forgotten anything, if he still looked fine, acceptable.

"I'll see you soon." He promised to Phasma.

With that he gave her a nod and once again left the Citadel. He felt sorry he couldn't give any more time to Phasma. He knew how worried she should have been, but he didn't feel like getting 'the talk' again by his father. If he would be late on top of all other things he would have to hear the whole thing all over again. Always something about responsibilities and how he did not take them enough or what not. Hux didn't really listen most of the time when his father had some kind of speech, he had listened the first few times but it was a bit repetitive after the first ten times. Not that it was fair. His older brother Emille was a bloody wreck, always fucking up, always making an utter disgrace of himself. No word was ever spoken against him. A lost case then apparently, that his father no longer tried to fix, or maybe his father just loved hating him, he was not sure which one it was.

He walked quickly down the street taking him out of the city-centre. His home wasn't too far from the citadel, so he should have no trouble to make it there in less than 10 minutes. His energy wasn't fully restored yet so sprinting wasn't an option at the moment, it would be a tight timing. Sure enough he was right about that; at just one minute to 9 Hux opened the front-door and slid inside as quietly as he could. He made it in time, thank God for that. He breathed out through his nostrils and took a deep intake of air after that, fixing his hair a bit and pulling down his jacket again. Their house suddenly seemed too large now that he had spent a day in Ben's house. This entrance hall alone was almost too much. His footsteps almost echoed on the tiles as he tried to sneak past the door to his father’s study and lounge-room. He was almost at the stairs when his father asked if it was him. He huffed and stepped into the lounge-room with a thin smile. His father looked him over as he straightened out a bit and clasped his hands behind his back. As always there were people there, some senator and his wife or something. Markins if he remembered correctly, although they were all the same to him. Boring grey men with boring grey suits. Hux's mother was sitting next to his father, smiling gently at him as he stepped in. His father gave him a look of disapproval, but failed to find something to rip on that moment.

"You ate yet?" He asked.

Hux nodded and hoped in silence that his father would spare him his reprimanding now that he had people over. It would be awkward after all, with the senator sitting there.

"Go do your homework."

Hux nodded and softly greeted the man's guests before walking off. He was getting off easy there for once. That was good at least, he was not in the mood. He wanted to sleep, rest up and shake off the last remnants of what happened the night before. He hurried up the steps of the excessive staircase that led up to the second floor. He had only made it to the middle landing where the stairs split off to two sides when he heard an amused chuckle.

"Look what the cat dragged in." Emille said with a dramatic sigh. “If it isn’t my precious baby brother.”

Hux halted on the landing of the stairs and turned slowly, already adopting an annoyed look.

"Not now." He said to his brother, warningly.

Emille was 6 years older than him, but well, between them he was still the smart one. Emille was a brute and a bully, his opposite in pretty much everything. Where Hux looked like their mother, Emille looked like their father. And where he was usually calm and collected, Emille was always taunting, prying and picking fights.

"Dad said you can't hold your liquor, that you couldn't even show your face here last night."

Hux rolled his eyes and turned away again. He did not have the patience for this today.

"Don't you have some blond bimbo to climb?" He asked sharply.

"Nah, later. She should be here in an hour or something."

Hux curled up his lip in disdain. Emille was the one that made his life here a fucking hell. He could deal with his father’s everlasting judgement, but Emille was the one that got under his skin. All he did was forever compared to Emille, who was strong and proud and cruel. He wasn't like that, and his father reminded him of that almost five times a day. Besides that, Emille was cruel to him specifically, whenever he could, making for a few hushed up hospital visits over the years.

"No, no... Where are you going? I wasn't done talking yet." Emille said when he walked off. "Bran."

Hux huffed a bit at his childish pestering.

"Only my friends call me that. You don't get to."

Emille snorted.

"What? Am I not your friiiieeeend?"

Hux really wanted to punch that face. His brother may be 6 years older, but he was such a child sometimes. He never did hit him back, despite the taunting, despite the fact that he really could. It was not that simple, never was. Emille had always had his physique and strength over him, and the Order had taught Hux enough to use that against him over the years, but then he would have to explain himself. Soon though, one of these days he would stop pretending, find himself a solid lie and ruin his brother’s life for once, to return the favour.

"I'm not even going to answer that."

Hux wanted to walk away when he felt his brother grip his wrist.

"Ah... don't go now. We were just bonding so well.... Bran."

Emille was grinning widely. Hux grit his teeth, but decided not to let Emille get to him. Patience would do it, he would have his time.

"I don't feel like bonding with you, fuck off."

Okay, granted, that was not exactly as mellow as he’d hoped to come off. Emille’s eyes got harder.

"That's a pity, because I do. So I guess you should stop whining."

Hux pulled his arm free and turned to Emille, hoping that his brother hadn't felt the leather brace of his blade when he'd grabbed him. He never took it off, it was a safety he had come to trust and need, but he still did not want anyone to know it was there. But if he had felt it then he made no mention of it.

"Just know when to stop." Hux murmured.

Emille snorted.

"Or what?" He asked. "Last time I punched you, you just fell back on your ass like the whimpering little faggot you are."

Hux felt his face go red. It was just meant as an insult, Emille had no idea what he was talking about, but his face still betrayed him by colouring so quickly. Emille snorted a bit and then stepped back, amused

"Oh.... OH... Hahaha, you ARE one!"

Hux swerved then and grabbed his brother’s collar with a bit more force than necessary.

"You will shut your goddamn mouth." He threatened.

Emille pushed him off, grinning, laughing at him as he started to grow even more red-faced with the oncoming rage.

"I will tell everyone." Emille said then, making himself bigger. “Every single person that you know.”

Hux pushed Emille, trying to intimidate him, show him that he was serious. He tried to stall from throwing them into an actual fight. Emille was not impressed, simply swung his arm until his fist connected with Hux's cheek and then twice to his stomach. Hux let out a whimper and tried to keep his resolve by repeating his promise like a mantra in his head. The next punch therefore blindsided him and hit him in the wound the bullet had left. He let out a pained yell, doubling over and pushing his brother away with his shoulder. Emille laughed at it and stepped away.

"Dad will never look at you again."

Yes, well, that did it. Hux shot forward with a loud yell and slammed into Emille, throwing them both down the stairs. He had his training, so as they tumbled it barely even hurt him, he knew how to make sure that Emille was the one hitting his back and legs on the steps of the staircase each time. He almost regretted that the thick carpet would cushion the fall for the other. They landed at the bottom of the staircase in a mess of limbs and crumpled clothes. It had made a goddamn racket though and sure enough their father yelled at them from his study, asking what the hell they were doing. He wasn’t coming out of the study though, probably still in conversation with their guest. Hux struggled loose and grabbed his brother's arm. He twisted it upwards forcefully, watched his sibling groan as he kept him forced to the ground with his foot, heard him whimper as he held the arm near its breaking point.

"Call me out one more time, come on, make my day." He hissed through his teeth, his hair falling over his face.

He knew he looked deranged in a way. He also knew that Emille would never be able to resist a challenge, would never back down from being called out. He was stupid like that, so Hux used it against him to fuel his own cruelty.

"Faggot." Emille huffed, half laughing through the bruised ribs he had.

Predictable as always, so Hux snapped his arm, relishing in the sound of the dry crack and then the ragged crack in Emille's voice as he yelled out at the pain it caused. His brother managed to throw him off then, with a harsh kick to the shin that Hux had not expected to come, and they fought again. They used fists and elbows, even nails to claw, anything to hurt each other, although Hux knew that he was the one that did the most damage this time as he made Emille's arm worse on purpose during their fray punching the sensitive edges or twisting it more when he got hold of the arm. Emille was still enraged though, so he wasn’t entirely spared from an elbow to the nose or the occasional scramble to twist his own arm away. Hux did not care that his nose bled, he cared more that his knuckles did, that they were raw and open from the fact that he hit hard enough to break his own skin there, hard enough to make Emille cry out in pain for once. Quite suddenly someone pulled him away from Emille, yanking him up to his feet by both arms even as he struggled to get loose. He let out an angry shout at whoever denied him to finish this.

"I wasn't done yet!" He yelled blindly, only having eyes on Emille, who had rolled on his other side to regain his bearings.

"Enough!!" His father shouted, making Hux go still instantly.

Hux snapped his head up to the man. He was standing over Emille now, the man holding his arms was that other senator, although he let him go instantly now as if he was something toxic. His father looked at him with two emotions mixed in his face, a sort of baffled form of surprise, and behind that something akin to pride. His mother was standing in the doorway of the study, looking at Emille and then back at him with horror and nothing else. Hux flared his nostrils and tried to compose himself, steadying his breath and wiping the back of his hand along his bloody nose.

"To your room Elan... Now!"

Hux grit his teeth, straightened his jacket and contemplated to ignore his father’s authority, but did as he was asked in the end. He never looked at Emille or the damage he had done when he left the scene behind. He walked up to his room and closed the door with a soft click. At the far end of his room was the door to a small bathroom. Every single bedroom in this house had one and Hux had never been more grateful for that, so that he could check up on himself in peace. He did not stop in his room for anything, not looking at anything before he closed the bathroom-door and locking it. His face had red blotches from the punches that had landed there, some of them were already colouring purple a bit, darkening. Right now though, his concern was mostly for the wound from yesterday. It seared painfully, stung and pulsed. He just hoped that Emille had not made it bleed too much, he would not be able to pull off what had happened at Ben’s house here. Slowly he pulled unbuttoned his jacket, then rolled up the shirt under it, hissing at another stab of pain. The bandage had stained slightly red, but luckily it wasn't bleeding at an alarming rate. It was just a small patch of opened skin. He took off the old bandage and checked the skin before he dug around for a new one in the aid-kit that sat at the bottom of the medicine cabinet. Hux rewrapped the bandage and sat down on the side of the bath. So much for his resolve and planned revenge...

He flexed his fingers, the knuckles of it were a bit bloody and bruised so it was growing stiff, but it was a pain that felt just too good. He had wanted to do this for years, flip the dynamic he and Emille had. It had always looked too conspicuous to himself, so he put it off, bided his time until he would be able to lie without triggering suspicions. He always thought that his parents would know what he was when he would let himself hurt Emille. Now that he had actually done it though, he wasn't worried about that anymore, he did not care that they would see that he could fight, he would talk himself out of it, he was smart like that. But Emille would now be reminded every goddamn day that he was no longer the terror of this house, not to him. He washed his hands and rinsed out his bloody mouth before he dabbed away the blood on his lips and nose. He took off the brace with his blade, knowing it could be risky if he would keep it on now. His father would want to talk to him about this, and he simply did not wish to risk that he would notice it when checking him over. He put on other clothes, loose ones that he could sleep in, putting his uniform with the laundry. He walked back to his door then and opened it on a small slit to overhear what was said in the hallway. It was such a big hall after all, so the voices downstairs bounced off of the walls a little, amplified by the space around them. He could hear Emille's pained grunts and whines, still on the floor then. They probably had to call an ambulance if he was still laying there, good.

"I don't get it. You always said your youngest was the gentle one, more like his mother." The visiting senator said.

"He never did anything like this before." He heard his father reply. "Elan always bows his head and lets whatever shit he gets come over him. I thought he would never really grow a spine."

Hux snorted a bit, his father was proud of this, he could tell. Every word said that he was pleasantly surprised rather than repulsed. His mother spoke then.

"You cannot speak of this like an achievement! Look at what he did! To his own brother."

His father tutted at that, like she was wrong to think that.

"Well, well darling, we both know that Emille has also had his fair share of clashes with his brother. It’s not as if it has never been the other way around."

But Hux understood what she meant with what she said. She did not compare the two of them because he never thought of him as something like Emille to begin with. She always quite enjoyed that he was gentler and calmer, no secret that he was her favourite son. She was appalled by the fact that he had a violent streak too. Hux felt sorry to disappoint his mom, but he would have never gotten through to Emille if he had not done it like this. It was the only language Emille would understand after all. Hux had tried talking to him, reasoning, but well it hadn't worked that well. The distinct noise of sirens approaching their house. His mother stayed with Emille and his father left to finish things with the senator. With no more conversation to eavesdrop on, Hux decided he would stay in his room. He knew his father didn't want to be disturbed, especially not now. When he wanted to discuss it, Hux would be notified. Instead he started on his homework, like he had been told to do. He was quite the overachiever, but then again, that was always what he had been asked to be. It was in his nature, anything to make him feel like he might not be totally useless.

With this little slip of control he had also actually achieved a secondary benefit, he realized that just now, had never considered that aspect before even. It was something his father said, about thinking he was spineless all this time. He had proven to him that he was not just the smartest, he was now the strongest too. The chances of him being the heir to his father's legacy would now be almost certain, Emille would be too volatile… And he would now have proven that he was calm and collected, but never weak. He sighed and closed his book when he had written down his last words. He wouldn’t have to turn the essay in for another two weeks, but at least he had the rough draft on paper now. It was almost 11 now, so he would best be going to bed. His phone buzzed just as he had put his things away and he picked it up, knowing by the sound of the ringtone that it was Phasma calling.

"What did you DO?" She asked when he picked up.

"What do you mean?"

"Senator Brendol Hux's oldest son Emille was just emitted to the hospital the social feeds say." Phasma said. "With a broken arm and bruised ribs and whatnot, but nobody can say who beat him up... Emille himself won't say a single word about his assailant apparently."

Hux sighed a bit. It had not even been two hours and now everyone knew about it already? Well, that was probably the downside of his father’s high profile life.

"Bran-"

"Yes it was me." He said, knowing that it was what she wanted to know from him.

"What the fuck?" She just asked, so he snorted.

"He found out… About things." He just said.

Phasma gasped a bit.

“He knows about the Order? Did he find out what you do?”

"No… No… Not- That. He called me a faggot and I may have flipped... Just a little. For what it’s worth he punched me first."

"Oh my god, Bran." Phasma sighed exasperatedly, but Hux could hear the snort she tried to suppress. "I know he's an ass and probably deserved every single one of the punches you landed, but I'm not sure this was the way to handle it."

Hux shrugged and leaned back, an amused smile playing around his lips now.

"I can’t really say that I feel sorry in the least and I think I even made a certain someone proud."

He got up to close the curtains before he walked back towards his bed where he let himself fall on his back. He thought about lighting a cigarette, which was what he did at moments that he was stressed. He was stressed now, despite the light euphoria of beating the shit out of his brother. He had a wound that nobody should see… One he needed to hide. If his father asked him to get checked by a doctor he would be screwed. And then there was the lie, the one he still needed to come up with to explain himself.

"Your dad, he actually liked your violent side?" Phasma asked incredulously.

"Sounded like it. Apparently convinced him I’m not just a male reflection of my mom.”  

Phasma laughed a bit. They talked for a couple more minutes and agreed to meet the next night at their usual spot. After Hux had hung up the phone he decided he really should go to sleep. He was tired already and there was nothing to be done anymore, only waiting what the next day would bring. Tomorrow his brain needed to function well enough to explain all the bruises on his face. He would need to be sharp to avoid any form of suspicions about the Order, about something other than just him losing his bloody shit. He huffed and turned on his side, flicking the light-switch off with a stretch of his arm. Somehow he ended up thinking about Ben, before falling to sleep. He wanted to see him again, although getting so close may not be his best idea. Ben comforted him, his entire presence, the way he lived… It made things so simple. He needed that again, a place that was not crazy. A person that was so damningly normal, simple in his fears and joys. It was his to grab, his to have, he just had to reach out and take it. He dreamt about it, that he shed off this layer like a skin he could just leave behind, and he became normal. It was a good dream, if only it could last.

****

He slept until his alarm blared him out of it by morning, such a merciless noise. He groaned when he sat up, blindly reaching for that infernal alarm to stop it. He turned it off and flopped back on the bed with a huff. What a damn mess… His face already felt bruised in several places. He could feel it, that tightness of skin that came with the swelling, the soreness. It would really show now, no doubt, he did not even need the mirror to know. He walked to the bathroom anyway, checking his face in the mirror when he'd clicked on the lights. Yeah, it was a mess. His cheekbone on the left side had turned purple, there were a few superficial cuts too, on his nose and the split lip. His nose also discoloured overnight, especially around his eyes, so dark that he actually winced at it. Well, there were no take-backs for that. He just grabbed the things he needed to shower.

The wound had closed up again overnight, no more worries about that, so with a fresh bandage he would be out of trouble. He showered and cleaned the burned edges before he wrapped a new roll of bandage around it. If this kept up he would need to buy new rolls of bandage soon. At least he could have the peace to let it all rest today. It was a Sunday, so there would be no school, but it was their usual day to meet with his father's friends. Hux hated these days usually, but today he was actually wondering what it would be like, if his father would be different to him. He put on something decent, knowing that these meetings were quite stiff despite the casual pretence of them. They were not allowed with a hair out of place, had to look like everything was peachy. Hux was not even sure if his father would let him come along at all. As he looked now, anyone would be able to connect the dots about who had been responsible for Emille’s injuries.

The suit he had grabbed was a simple three-piece, navy blue. His mother had it made for him when his father started to allow him on these meetings as well. He was let into that circle when he’d turned 18 two months earlier. It was still making him terribly uncomfortable though, this whole political scene. It felt like walking on thin ice, every step had to be thought out or you’d fall through and never resurface again. He fixed his hair when it was still damp and went down to the dining room to greet whoever would be there for breakfast. His mother was the only one. She had just finished her own food by the looks of it, his father’s empty plate was still on the table too, although it looked like he had finished his meal a while ago already. She looked at him, at his face first and then to his bloody knuckles before she pursed her lips. He was her boy, Emille was his father's... At least it was like that to her. Hux was smart enough to know that, so he cast his eyes aside, knowing she was disappointed.

"Come here." She said softly, pulling out a chair for him before she stood up to grab her make-up bag.

Hux sat on the chair, his back straight as always. He did not look at her though, nor did he talk to her. He hated it when she was angry with him. He was used to it from his dad, but not her. He tried to avoid it at all times. His mother sat back down, looking into his face and carefully touching his nose, making him scrunch it up a bit at the discomfort.

"Why did you have to do that?" She asked as she grabbed a little bottle of something from the bag, dabbing her finger onto it before she cupped his face.

Hux shifted his eyes to her then. Her hair was like his, red. But hers was long and flowy, even now that it was braided there was an unruliness to it. Something distinctly free and airy. Her eyes were blue, framed by eyelashes like his own, long and translucent. She patted her finger on the bruises with what she took from the bottle, lips still pursed. Hux stayed silent, knew better than to protest against her efforts to cover his bruises.

"Elan, you answer me." His name only ever sounded right out of her mouth, that was why nobody else called him that, nobody except his father... Sometimes. Right now it came out to sharp though, pointed, angry.

"I don't know." Hux answered.

"Don't lie to me." She said sternly, pinching his jaw shortly where she held him still. "I know my own child and yesterday was not just something that happened out of nothing."

She grabbed more from that bottle and let out a disproving huff as she saw that how hard it was to cover the bruises with her concealer, they were darker than she'd thought still showing through the sheen of the make-up. She knew her husband would disapprove of it, even knew that her child did not like it either, but she could not just let him out of the door like that… Did not want to look at his face, knowing what he had done the night before.

"Emille wouldn't listen... He never listens." Hux said then. "And I was tired of having to fear my own brother. It's not like he hadn't put _me_ in the hospital before."

He knew that it was sharp to say it like that, accusing even, but it was true.

"I was not going to let him do it again. If nobody would protect me from it, is it then so weird that I decided to finally protect myself?"

His mother hummed and looked into his face, pointedly, with her stern eyes. The kind of eyes that betrayed her Russian blood. Hux hated it when she used that look on people. She always looked cold when she did that, and he knew that she was not. She was warm, gentle.  

"Your brother's arm was broken in three places Elan. Where did you even learn to do such a thing?"

She seemed worried, thinking that he might have some dark secret to hide... Well if she only knew...

"Phasma showed me… She took me to some fight-class she does after school." He said, it was not exactly a lie. "She insisted after Emille had cracked my ribs during the summer-break… She thought someone was bullying me at school and she just… She made sure I knew how to get back at people."

His mother huffed and finally put away her make-up, at least the worst of them were toned down now, one could see it from up close but it no longer looked too bad.

"Tell me you won't do it again."

"I won't do it again." Hux murmured, looking down at his knuckles, making a very big effort not to pick at the scabs.

He did not even need to really think much to know his mother didn't want to hear anything else, no apologies or justifying word.

"Good."

His mother didn't ask him to apologize to his brother. Hux was grateful for that. He didn't think he could actually say sorry to his brother. He just would not be able to let it pass his lips in any way that would look genuine.

"Your father is in his study. He asked for you to see him when you’re done with breakfast."

His mother smiled lightly. Hux nodded and worked down at least something. He wasn't too hungry at the moment, so he left most of it untouched after a few minutes. Quickly he drank the last bit of coffee in his mug and stood up. He wondered if his father was going to say anything about last night. If it would be discussed today in any way, or if he was simply asking him in to see if his face was do-able enough to allow him in on today’s meeting. He knocked on the door of his father’s office-space. The door was an excessively expensive type of wood, everything in this house was always made of premium materials, even though the actual décor was kind of understated. It followed grand and impressive lines, but there was nothing ornate about it. It was a show of grandeur without making a lavish display out of things. Hux has always been able to appreciate it, even though the enormous size of their house made it feel terribly empty at times.

"Come in." His father’s voice sounded after a while.

He walked in and softly closed the door behind him, looking his father in the eye as the man signed him to sit in the chair opposite of him.

"Your brother will not be coming with us for the meeting today. He has to stay in the hospital some longer." His father started. “You are not coming with me either however.”

Hux suddenly felt a flare of panic as he recalled why exactly he had snapped in the first place. Emille knew, knew that he liked boys, knew that he wouldn’t ever love a girl. Had he told his father about it? Had he said it to him to spite him, to ruin him even after his little victory? Emille really would do that, he would have even laughed through the pain probably. How could he have overlooked that?

"Emille refused to tell me what you two were fighting about." His father looked at him sharply as he said it. "You scared him."

Hux had to restrain himself not to grin like some psycho. It was a sense of relief. He had scared him enough, he had fucking won for once. It felt too good.

"I intended to." He said, remaining quite stoic in the end.

His father narrowed his eyes a bit and stood, probably hoping to pry the reason they fought from him instead.

"What's on your face? There should be bruises..."

Hux shrugged a bit and looked away, so that was what the scrutinizing look was about.

"Mom insisted-" He murmured. "Said I couldn't go out with those still on my face."

He saw his father huff, disgusted by the idea, but also aware that people would know what his youngest son did if they saw his face. He simply waved his hand at it, deciding it was too minor in importance for today.

"Fine then, but since you are not leaving this house today you will wash it off the moment you get out of here. I just wanted to give you this."

His father opened one of the drawers then and handed him a key.

"What is it for?" Hux asked.

It wasn’t labelled, it looked plain too, like any other key of any other door.

"A spare key to my office building in the centre." His father said. "You're going to have an internship there, starting next month."

Hux looked up, knowing what it meant. His father would start grooming him... He was going to be the family's prime heir. So he had proven himself worthy now, apparently. Thrawn would be very pleased to hear that.

"Thank you." He said.

His father nodded and sat back down in his chair again, pulling out some papers he would apparently need.  

"Now, I hope you and Emille will no longer be at each other’s throats for a while. Next week you are both coming along to meet with Snoke and I don’t want to see any bad blood between you two.”

Hux stiffened a bit.  

"Snoke?"

"Yes. He has invited us for a meeting, it's all about the bluff Elan, you'll learn that in time. So in that game of bluff I cannot have my sons fight each other. Do you hear me?"

Hux nodded and followed his father to the car. The driver opened the door for him but Hux’s father lingered there.

"You need to know them if you want to find their weaknesses. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, never forget that one."


	5. A snake's poison and an end in fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back again with more stuff! Yaaaaaayyyy.... This is the first chapter with Snoke in it, and in case some of you were wondering, I imagine him in this verse to look like Andy Serkis. He is not the bald twisted dude (yet). Just a small thing I wanted to share. Enjoy the read and if you enjoy it please leave a little love, I would appreciate it :)

The week passed in some form of blur. Emille did not come home in that week, he had to stay in the hospital to get his arm fixed with surgery. Hux still did not feel guilty about it, nor did he visit his sibling in the hospital while he was there. None of them did actually. His mother had gone on the day after it had happened to talk to the doctors about the surgery and insurances, but she had not been back there since that. It wasn’t a surprise, when he had been in the hospital himself for his clashes with Emille it was only Phasma that came to visit him, and his mother to arrange that he would have the best possible doctor. It was their father’s way of indicating that you had failed the family-name, that you were a disgrace. If anything that made him feel powerful for once, to know that it was Emille on that side of the treatment this time. His father seemed bothered however, stressed. He was more snappy than usual, making dinner-times downright icy. They spent them in absolute silence, because the moment someone spoke his father’s come-backs were downright harsh. He also insisted that Hux would stay home all week, said he would not be allowed out of the door again before his bruises were gone. Hux knew better than to ask or argue about it and instead he had Phasma over every evening to catch up on classes that he could not attend.

“He is downright paranoid.” Phasma said when she came by that Friday-night. “This time he even stopped me at the door to look through the papers I brought you.”

She handed him the binders with reading-material. He had missed the kick-off of a new subject, so he hoped that it would not prove too difficult to catch up with this new stuff. It looked like pretty hard material though.

“I don’t know what came over him either.” Hux murmured, filtering through the research in his hands.

“You think he did something bad? Like… For his campaign?” Phasma prodded.

“Pfff… He would shoot himself in the head if he would allow himself that kind of behaviour.” Hux snorted. “Besides, I know that the First Order has tabs on him, they would probably know it if he had been doing something suspicious.”

She hummed and sat back on Hux’s bed. She was always quite comfortable here, especially in Hux’s own room. It was not exactly personal, rather tidy and quite generic, but it was still a pretty nice place. The bed was so good that she had once considered stealing it, in her defence that had been a thought she had when she was a bit drunk.

“Bran, stop fussing over school…” She huffed when Hux started to curse at the amount of material she had brought for him. “You’re smart enough.”

She twisted a bit and took the book on his night-stand, lazily flipping through the story. Something about old-world espionage. Not that interesting. She huffed out a breath when Hux downright ignored her. Instead she walked to the bathroom to freshen up. She was still in her Academy uniform, had come right after school this time to join the family for dinner. The rest of the week she’d dropped by later at night, but Hux had asked her to please come earlier. She understood why, dinner was downright awkward. She flicked some light-blond hair behind her ear and gently touched up the line of black eye-liner. She was not big on make-up, but the Academy was a little too demanding on its physical requirements towards students. It would just have to do though. And well, if she were more vain she might have been able to appreciate how it made her pale blue eyes more intense. Her being the girl she was though she just found it terribly annoying, it was so finicky and smudged too easily.

“What did Thrawn say?” Hux asked from his spot on the floor. “When you reported to him that I’d been injured… What did he say?”

She turned back to the room and shrugged, flopping back on the bed uninvited.

“Nothing much. He asked if you would be okay and if your identity was compromised. When I said you were safe he decided he would wait for your own indication for when you would be able to resume your duties.”

Hux put away the papers she brought and looked out the window. It was already quite dark, he could just see the trees in the garden, black spires against the deep sky. The moon was rather bright this night, no clouds to obstruct it. It would be cold and crisp outside.

“When do you think you’ll be okay to return?” Phasma asked then, lazily flicking the screen of her phone back and forth with her thumb, not really selecting anything in particular.

“I’ll drop by this weekend.” Hux said, closing the curtain with a quick tug before he perched himself on the free corner of his own bed. “The wound is no longer a hazard to my movements and I quite frankly want to leave this house again. This whole week cooped up inside has been more maddening than I’d hoped, even without Emille trying to mess with me.”

Phasma let out a snort.

“I can imagine that… Dinner was so damn awkward already.”

Hux hummed and sat back a bit then.

“Dad is taking us to meet with Snoke this weekend.” He said then.

“Really? Thrawn will love that, gives you the chance to sniff about that guy’s life a bit.” Phasma immediately said.

“No… I can’t just start snooping. If I get found out I would have no way to explain myself, and my dad and Snoke are sworn enemies. But I will keep my eyes open, ears too… I just- I don’t get why they meet. They hate each other so fucking much.”

“Well, maybe that is why your dad is so twitchy. Maybe he doesn’t like the whole thing either.”

They fell quiet and Phasma sat up again, it was getting late already and she would need to leave in a bit, do some of her own homework in hopes of catching up with those dreadful statistics classes.

“You’re sure that you’ll be all fine for the rest of the weekend?” She asked.

“Oh… Yes…” Hux hummed. “Thank you for stopping by with the paperwork every day. I’ll repay you for it.”

She huffed and waved her hand.

“Don’t be weird. I like coming over, besides, you’re my friend so it’s part of the package.”

Hux stood up from the ground and ran a finger along the collar of his pull-over. The bruises on his face were almost gone now, just a few blotches of greenish yellow near his nose remained. His mother had bought a rather potent ointment for reducing them. By Sunday they would be as good as invisible.

“I’ll see you again on Monday… At school. One week is more than enough of missed class I’d say.”

Phasma let out a snort as she zipped up her back-pack.

“You fucking nerd.” She joked.

Hux could at least laugh at that one and walked her to the door, seeing her off with another thanks and promising that he would see to it that he was careful around Snoke. When she had left he called Thrawn to offer his services to the First Order again. He would not be able to leave the house to do so in person, his father was already watching through the window when he saw Phasma off to make sure that he was not going with her. He wished to avoid trouble now at all cost with his father in such a tense mood. He stayed in his room for most of the Saturday, catching up on homework and even taking a bit of time to train basic fight-moves that he might need if he would be put on a mission again. The day flew by, only stagnating at the meals they had. His father was _insufferable_ during dinner that Saturday. He walked Hux through a fucking checklist of things he could and could not do when they would see Snoke.

“Why are you taking me and Emille there if you don’t want to?” He asked when it had even come down to what he was allowed to drink there.

“Because Snoke wants me to bring you two. It’s about bluff, I told you this. If I back out, you two will be used against me. You would be portrayed as out of control, embarrassing… They will find anything to taint the image that the media can paint.”

And with Emille they would be sure to have a field-day digging up dirt. He even had drug-possession charges that their father had once wiped from his records.

“You are going to have to learn fast.” His father said then. “This is an ocean full of sharks, you need to learn how to act like you are the biggest one of them all, no matter how small you seem to be.”

Hux gave him a weird look when the man simply clasped his shoulder and left the table. It was not like him, not in any way. Hux had sort of wished for it, even a sliver of attention like this had been a craving… But it was misplaced, not right in context. He was left feeling worried, stuck with that distinct nagging that something was wrong, something that was being kept from him, deliberately. His mother offered no answer, simply smiled thinly and suggested he best take an early night of sleep. He took her up on the advice and shrunk back to his room, shaken, nervous.

He slept badly, not dreaming about Ben… Not about anything quite nice. He could not shake the way his father had been behaving, all his usual composure shaken from him… Falling out towards them, and then that odd way of trying to tell Hux things, looking at him as if he wished that Hux would never forget the little pieces of wisdom he tried to feed him. He woke early, showered, patched one of the compresses over his wound. Bandages were no longer needed, which was a relief, his rather narrow frame showed the extra line of fabric under clothes if he was not careful, so now that only a small patch would do he had nothing to worry about. He once again put on a suit, simple charcoal-black, tie aligned dead-centre of the white button-down. No mistakes allowed today. He fashioned his hair and laced up his shoes. He sighed as he patted his clothes in order and went to join his parents downstairs.

“Good morning.” His mother greeted. “You look lovely darling.”

She was not dressed to leave with them. Of course she was neatly dressed, she always was, but it was too casual for the high profile of the upcoming meeting. So she was staying home then, a meeting for the men only. His father briskly nudged a mug of coffee his way and a plate of breakfast.

“Hurry up lad, we can’t be late today.”

They still had to pick up Emille after all, he could finally leave the hospital today so they would need to stop there to get him before they could head to Snoke’s house. Hux ate his food quick as he could and drank his coffee when it no longer burned the tip of his tongue. His father immediately asked him to get up and grab his last things so that they could leave. He nodded and went to fetch his phone and coat. All he got was an impatient huff as they walked to the car. He once again stayed completely quiet, not wishing to trigger another bout of reprimanding and shouting.

“You will not speak unless you are spoken to in there. I swear to God you will regret it if you do.”

Hux nodded again as the driver closed the door for them and started the car. Hux sat opposite of his father, but stared out of the window rather than look him in the face. It took them no more than fifteen minutes to reach the hospital, Norman parking out front rather crudely. His father ordered the driver to get Emille for him. He didn't think it was important enough to get his son himself. They waited in absolute silence, no small talk was made and even the radio was off. The silence was rather heavy though, as if his father planned to say something but decided against it at the last moment. At least it did not take too long for Norman to retrieve his brother. When Emille got in he threw a quick look at Hux and then stared out the window again when he had clipped in his seat-belt. Neither of them asked Emille how he felt, it still stayed quiet. His father was more of a survival of the fittest person. You either win, or you lose and shut up about it. It was not very healthy that their family was run like they were in a jungle, but it was how it was, and Hux was finally moving into the position he had craved. He was not going to feel guilty about it now that he was no longer prey but predator. Emille looked miserable with his face smashed like it was, his arm strapped tightly in the sling that supported it. His bruises were still far more prominent, there was even a plaster strap over his nose to heal a fracture there. His brown hair wasn't quite as neat today, it was brushed back but the strands were poking out a bit and a few even sprang free to his face. At least he had shaven his stubble off, otherwise the whole picture would have looked sad. Emille wouldn't look at his father, nor at Hux himself for that matter, eyes flinching away when he caught one of their gazes. It felt... Immensely good to have the upper hand.

"I already informed your brother, but I do not want to see any bad blood between you today." Their father spoke. "At the first sign of taunting the other, you can both expect to be home and skipped for dinner."

Emille nodded, eyes down. Hux almost stared at the change. Wow, he hadn't been that bad... Had he? His brother was almost timid at the moment, probably very blindsided by the fact that Hux could do the damage he’d done. They arrived at Snoke's house after some 20 minutes of even more awkward silence. By the time that Norman turned onto the driveway Hux was almost twitching to get out of the stifling atmosphere of the car. It was terrible in there, he couldn’t stand it. At the sight of the house itself though he actually considered slinking back into the car. The house was excessively large, like one would expect it to be, but the vibe of it was dark and dangerous, just like the snake that lived in it. It seemed like the architecture loomed over them, blocking out the morning-sun from them with its impressive height. It was just a house, but he could not help the feeling of dread. Snoke was waiting for them, hands laced together with a bit of a smile.

"Senator..." Snoke greeted from the porch. "Welcome."

He looked at the two boys then.

"They do grow up fast." Snoke tutted. "I was so sorry to hear what happened to your oldest."

He turned to hold the door open for them.

"No word on who did it yet?"

"We have other things to worry about. My sons’ matters are none of your business."

Hux's father was as cold as ever. He had no intention to let Snoke in on his family matters, lest he dug up something nasty.

"Right."

Snoke looked a bit disappointed to be shut down that fast. He liked prying apparently.

"Let's go in. The wind is dreadfully chilly today."

They all walked in, giving off their coats to the maid that was waiting there. The interior of Snoke’s house spoke for itself. Snoke liked to throw his wealth around and it was obvious in everything he had used for decoration. It was all so modern, polished, spotless… The kinds of furniture and ornaments that cost precious dollars. They walked to the lounge-room at the back of the house, a rather open room that looked out over the garden with enormously high windows. Even in the garden Snoke hadn't tried to tone down either, there was a pond, framed by an almost artistic display of plants cut in clean lines. Hux had expected a more modest sort of place from Snoke, some dark den that was simple and to the point. He had been wrong then.

"Please sit. Tea or coffee?"  

They each gave their choice and settled in chairs. Hux let his eyes roam, trying to keep his face straight so that it would just look like casual interest. There was not much here to offer useful information. He could pinpoint blind-spots that would be useful for infiltrators, he could also make up where Snoke’s important rooms would be from the floor-plans. But there wasn’t much on display that offered interesting intel to bring back to Thrawn.

"It is good to speak with you again, senator." Snoke said to Hux's father when he sank in his own arm-chair, one leg folded over the other. "Last time we parted on words, and well, we are more mature than that aren't we?"

He looked at them again, Hux and Emille. He was so bug-eyed, it unnerved Hux to no end, especially when he grinned at them when he saw that they looked back. Snoke sat back and lit the end of an expensive cigarette, taking a long drag as he regarded the full picture with somewhat narrowed eyes.

"And so nice of you to bring your sons with you, I haven't seen these two for ages."

There was something of threat in it, as if Snoke was letting their father know that he wouldn't be afraid to take out his children to come out on top. He took another long drag, eyes focussed on their father this time.

"Your oldest really is just like you I must admit." Snoke continued as the maid set down their drinks. "And your youngest looks so much like his mother, simply unnerving."

"We are here to discuss other matters than my sons."

Snoke sighed and leaned back in his seat, flicking ashes on the tray with a nonchalance that seemed to make their father twitch a bit.

"That is true. You wished to discuss our debate plans?"

Hux tuned them out a bit and regarded Snoke's face. He seemed too smug, as if he had found something that he could throw in their father's face as a means of taunting the man. It showed in everything, the way he was too laid back, the amiability that was feigned at best. He was waiting for the right moment to drop some bomb… Hux flicked his eyes to his father. The man looked at Snoke as if there was a pile of trash sitting in that chair rather than a man, but he still spoke kindly to him, doing everything he could not to be provoked by Snoke’s jabs. Maybe Snoke knew what Hux did to Emille, or worse... Maybe he knew about the First Order… But if he did know, he would not be able to reveal Hux without opening the door to a whole other pile of shit that could compromise Snoke’s own career.

"Ah yes, I had been meaning to ask... How is Loreen?" Snoke interrupted his father then.

Hux frowned. Who the fuck was Loreen? But his father bristled at the mention of the name, his face going red and face pulling together in a way that Hux had learned to fear. Oh.... OH... He felt a deep disgust settle in his gut. His father was seeing another woman. Hux managed to keep a straight face, but couldn't help the disgust, anger, disappointment he felt. He had to be punished for every step he took out of turn and his father had decided to just go off and keep a woman on the side? Their mother was not good enough for him now? He threw a quick look at Emille who was just sitting there with a blank expression on his face, one he had worn since they had walked in. Luckily his brother wasn't smart enough to understand the situation, it had flown over his head or he had never been listening to begin with. Slowly he looked back at his father, clenching his jaw a bit, trying not to show it too much that he was truly angry with his father for this. He wondered what he was going to say now, now that _he_ was the one that had ruined the name he always wanted untainted. Snoke grinned, picking up his expression even though he had tried to hide most of it.

"I see that the boys did not know about that yet." He said, feigning some sort of awkwardness. "Had your father not introduced you to your new mother yet? I must be awkward when you do meet her, she would be young enough to marry your oldest son, senator."

Emille frowned then, just a bit.

"What does he mean?" He asked then.

Hux shook his head and kicked his leg a bit.

"Not now." He whispered, making sure the other knew that it was serious.

Emille looked away and nodded.

"And you then, you are a pair indeed." Snoke continued, focus shifting to their spot on the couch. "Our fellow senator Markins told me just last night what a violent scene he saw when he visited you a week ago."

He grinned again, relishing in the growing air of rage that came from their father.

"Your youngest son beating your oldest like he was going to kill him right then and there. I can of course sympathize with that, after the- What was it? Seven hospital visits you had arranged for Elan from ‘accidents’."

He sat forward a bit, pressing the butt of his cigarette out in the ash-tray rather crudely.

"I have dirt on you senator, the sort that makes for very awkward media-moments... Rethink your campaign. Or you might lose your little family… I’ve even heard something about a drug-problem… We wouldn’t want Emille to go to prison would we? Your youngest is harder to uproot dirt for, but I will find _something_ there too no doubt."

"You're really going to play the game like this Snoke?" Their father asked with a certain sharpness in his voice.

Snoke just shrugged and sat back again. The absolute glee was still well visible on his face, he made no attempt to hide it or reduce it. No, he was throwing it in their faces like his own personal victory.

"It's a hard world senator. Only the best players survive, you need to have the best cards. I called your bluff and it appears you are holding very little in your hand when it comes to this table."

Hux looked at his father, he was seething, fuming. His face was red and the veins near his temples were thickened. He did not lose his cool though, did not grab Snoke to shake him, even though Snoke was a rather skinny man and his father had strong arms. Hux wondered what is father was going to do now, what he would do to save his position. Would he give in to these threats? His pride would not allow for that… Surely.

"I see you don't want to discuss what I came here for. My time is precious and I will not see it wasted by your petty conversation.”

Snoke hummed a little and stood up, holding out a hand towards the door.

"Well, I said what I needed to say. So kind that you came to visit me on your day off."

Their father stood then as well, abruptly and with an angry huff. Hux immediately followed his example and cocked his head to get Emille to stand up as well.

"We will see each other at the debates Snoke, I hope you prepared actual content this time." Their father said before ushering them out in front of him.

The driver was still waiting for them, standing beside the car as the door opened.

"Straight home sir?" The man asked.

"No." Their father said. “To my building in the city.”

Hux looked up with a light frown.

"Snoke is more serious than I thought, it's time to change the plans."

He looked at Hux and sighed then before cocking his head that they needed to get in. They all took their seats and Norman took them away from Snoke’s house, the man even had the audacity to wave them goodbye. Their father kept piercing eyes on the house until they were out of the street before turning to his sons again.  

"Is there someplace you can stay that Snoke would not know you go?"

Hux frowned a little at his father's face when he asked him that.

"Why?"

"Not your business. Norman is going to stop at the buss-stop and you go to that place, take the bus and go straight to that location. Make sure you are not seen, stay there until I call you to do otherwise."

Hux nodded a bit and took his phone out to see if he should call someone. Phasma? No, Snoke knew about her. The Citadel? Well, Norman would drop him off at the buss-stop so he would be nowhere close to the Citadel when he got off the bus again. It would be another mile to get out of the centre and to the borders of the Old City. If his father did not want him seen than it was not really an option either.

“Dad… Why do I-”

“Elan, you get on the fucking bus, and you stay close to your phone. Stop talking.”

His father’s tone made him shut up and he nodded a bit, flicking through his contacts before he decided that it was probably smartest to choose someplace near buss-routes… Specifically… Ben’s place.

 _"Ben... Can I come over?"_ He texted. _"I know I haven’t talked to you in a week, but I need a place to stay for the moment... Please."_

It was seconds before there was a reply. Of course he could come, Ben’s door was always open for him, even if he did not text him all week. Hux smiled lightly at the message and tucked his phone back into his pocket. Ben was a safe place, would never sell him out. Besides, Snoke would never know about their connection, nor did he have to fear that Ben’s mother would know about him or give his name to Snoke, she was a bit too new to this game to know all the details, and their father had always deliberately kept Emille and him off the screens. She had no idea who he was, he was only Aaron to her… It would be safe there. Norman dropped him off at the stop and he almost immediately drove away again, the car disappearing from view rapidly. He would see them again when his father said he could join them again. If he heard something from his father at all, that was. Why did he have to find a place to hide? What was the plan his father had? Hux shook his head and watched the other side of the street, a bus already speeding towards the stop. He sighed and bought himself a ticket as he stepped in, making sure he would be going right to Ben’s house. The ride wasn’t long, but it was a nervous one, he felt queasy, worried. As he arrived at his destination it had only gotten worse, the nagging feeling that he was failing to stop some calamity from happening. He kept his head down as he walked the last block to Ben’s house, ringing the doorbell when he’d arrived at the door. It was a few moments before Ben was down to greet him. He looked elated to see him, yet worried if he would maybe be in trouble again.

"Hey Aar- Bran..."

He smiled a little as he could finally use the name. He was so fucking happy when Hux had given his name before he left. That and a sweet kiss that had made him float on cloud nine all day… All week even. The smile dampened a little though when Hux looked twitchy as he smiled back.

"Are you okay?" Ben asked.

"Ah... I'm fine." Hux murmured. “Sorry.”

Ben grinned a little as he looked at his suit.

"Wow... My boyfriend wears suits."

Hux let out a snort and looked past him.

"Can I come in?"

"Oh! Yes, of course!"

Ben stepped aside and looked at his face, noticing the light difference in colour near Hux’s nose.

"Did- One of your--"

He sighed and touched Hux's nose, bruises.

"Something like that. You should see the other guy."

Hux smiled and carded a hand through Ben's hair.

"I'm sorry to show up like this again, needing your shelter without announcing myself at all." He admitted. "I will come by for something normal sometime, promise... Is your mother home too?"

Because, if she was, he had to actually be a little careful with what he said. Leia Organa was a senator too after all, and if she picked up worries that related to politics she might start to smell trouble.

Ben shook his head though.

"She's on one of her many work related trips. She won't be home for a couple of days again. She’s not here much at all actually."

Hux nodded and stepped inside.

"She just leaves you alone every time she goes?"

Ben snorted.

"I'm old enough to take care of myself. You worried about me now?"

Hux smiled.

"Of course. I wouldn't want my boyfriend to be lonely."

Ben’s face got red immediately. He could not help it, so he rubbed his sleeve against his face in hopes of covering it up a bit.

"But I'm not going to eat those pre-made foods you talked about last time… They look disgusting." Hux said then, nose crinkling at the thought of it.

Ben grinned.

"Well, I'm not complaining, but honestly I haven't cooked in like… ages. No wait, I don’t think I actually ever have made anything that is not breakfast food."

Hux hummed then, thoughtfully. He gently nudged Ben to ask if they could go up to the apartment now.

"Don't worry. I kind of know my way around a kitchen... At least enough to survive. Do you have anything in the fridge?"

"Uh, sure, are you hungry now then?" Ben chuckled as they walked up the stairs.

Hux shook his head and scraped his throat. He wasn't sure if he could eat around the churn of nerves in his gut. His father had separated him from them for a reason, something important. He wanted to know why, wanted to call… Beg for an explanation. Was he not to be included because he was too young? Were they going to do something horrible like kill Snoke, hoping his name would stay cleared if he was not part of it? Were they in danger somehow?

"Bran... Are you really okay?" Ben asked softly, grabbing his hand.

Hux looked at him, at his deep dark eyes and that almost pouty mouth, the random moles on his face. Ben was still so young… It was three years of age-difference, but with their different lives, Hux often felt they were decades apart, and yet he had not felt so close and open to someone in a long time, Ben seemed to take whatever he said without judgement, only with acceptance.  

"Yes. Sorry... I was only thinking." He murmured, deciding he did not want to once again saddle the boy with his trouble.

Ben grabbed his face then, with both hands, softly but swiftly. He took in a deep breath before he gave him a soft kiss on the lips, somewhat clumsy, but that somehow made it yet sweeter.

"There... I still owed you one back." He said, blushing fiercely.

Hux chuckled at his antics and hugged him close so that Ben could hide his red face a bit. Ben smiled, inhaling the faint scent of a very expensive cologne and clean clothes.

"I can tell that you are worried." He murmured into Hux's chest. "But you are safe here now... You could come here for anything, remember?"

Hux nodded and pressed his nose in Ben's insanely thick curls, indulging himself in the comfort it gave.

"I know." He muttered. "That's why I'm here."

They stayed like that for a couple more minutes. Hux didn't mind staying like this forever. If only he had been born in another family, had heard other things, seen other things, maybe then he wouldn't feel so guilty. Maybe then he could tell himself that his hands were cleaner. Now they were only tainting the poor boy with blood and misery. He stepped back a bit and smiled lightly at Ben.

"Let's do something. I need to get my mind of things."

Ben nodded. There was still a bit of redness to his cheeks, but his smile was radiant, as if he were lucky to have this rather than doomed.

"What do you want to do?"

Hux shrugged and looked around the living-room.

"I don't know. What do you normally do on days like these?”

"Uh... We could play a game... Although most of them are single player, I do homework too but that is not really that exciting."

He sighed.

"We could go out, the weather is nice and-"

"I can't go out." Hux interrupted. "Not at the moment, sorry."

Ben didn't ask, knew better.

"I could just watch you game." Hux suggested then.

"Won't that be boring?"

Hux shrugged.

"I don't know." He just said again.

So Ben played a game, Hux watching intently as he tried to show off a little on screen. Hux was awfully quiet though, and Ben knew he was still thinking, about whatever it was that bothered him so much. Despite the fact that he had been wounded that first time, he seemed to look worse now. His eyes were darkened by the bruises on his face and he looked a bit twitchy, haunted. He tried to look casual, his legs crossed on the sofa, but his eyes were too hard and he had this little line near his nose that indicated he was not at ease. Ben paused the game when his mind kept drifting to the other anyway and pulled at Hux's arm until he fell over.

"Come." He insisted as he tried to pull Hux closer.

"What are you doing?" Hux said, voice muffled under Ben's arm as the boy tried to keep his face pressed into his sweater.

"We are cuddling. It makes people feel better in movies so hey, why not?" Ben declared like Hux was an idiot.

Hux snorted lightly. He wasn't going to say no to that. He wrapped his arms around Ben and wriggled his head from under Ben’s arm to rest it on his shoulder instead. This felt nice, being so close together just like the moment at the door. He closed his eyes to listen to Ben’s heart flutter and pick up pace. Ben was smiling widely. It was almost as if they were really a couple. Ben had to admit he was still falling farther in love with him. An excitement that coiled in his stomach every time that Bran indulged himself and let Ben close, not protesting, not pushing him away again to keep him safe. Ben did not want to be kept safe. He wanted to have Hux, to himself, did not care what it required to give up for it… Or maybe he just did not realize quite how dangerous it truly was to be part of the other’s life. He just… He was in love, he really was, and if that made him stupid then he did not care about it.

"How long are you going to stay? Are you going to stay the night again?" Ben asked hopefully.

Hux shrugged a bit, pressing his nose into Ben’s sweater more to inhale that cheap scent of deodorant… He was fond of it. It had no place in his life, so he completely attributed it to Ben, it was his smell… New and different, almost too sharp and contrasting to everything. It made for a sense of longing to keep it, hold it, never let it go.

"I don't know. Sorry I can't be too clear on any of it... I'm always asking stuff from you." He answered eventually.

Ben smiled a bit as he turned his face to press his cheek into Hux’s hair. The hair-product he used smelled like honey and oranges… Lovely… Scents that so perfectly matched the redness of his hair in a way.

"It's okay to come to me. I like it. Makes me feel needed, nobody ever needed me before."

"I don't like it." Hux said then. "It feels like I am using you. I don't want that. You deserve better."

Ben swallowed as he said that and put a hand in Hux's hair, finally getting a touch of it. It was softer than it looked, silky almost. He grinned a bit and put his chin on Hux's head. He deserved better Hux had said, he cared about him.

"I knew right away that you were good inside." He mumbled. "When I saw you that first time. In the office."

Hux snickered a bit and shook his head.

“I was murdering people.”

“I know. And I was afraid of you for that… Until I saw your face.”

"I'm not really good. I am bad too." Hux said.

"Everyone is though. Those who say they aren’t need a serious reality-check."

He looked up at the ceiling and moved his fingers through the red hair near Hux’s nape. Those were the softest on his head, he sighed a bit then.

"But you are not a murderer, even if you kill... You do it for good reasons... Right? You kill, but you don’t murder… It’s- It’s not the same thing. You do it because you have to, to make the world better."

Hux hummed half-heartedly.

"I like to think so yes."

Ben smirked a bit as Hux tightened his hands in the fabric of his sweater.

"I trust you. You are good… You aren’t wrong or evil, you are just doing what is necessary."

Hux smiled faintly.

"Thank you."

Ben shook his head.

"You don't need to thank me."

"Yes, I do. No one has ever done this much for me in my life. I don't like to be indebted to people. Especially those I like."

Ben’s face caught fire again, he just could not catch a break, could he? Bran said he liked him, said it out loud.

"I will pay you back, sometime, for everything."

Ben pulled Hux closer.

"Don't worry about that. Just being like this is enough... I mean it. There is no debt, I chose to help you, I chose to let you in… I just need you to know you can trust me."

Hux just hummed, then let out a huff.

“Damn you though…” He murmured. “You were never supposed to care.”

Ben snickered a little.

“Now look at me.” Hux continued, almost sounding annoyed. “I’m cuddling with you, I care about your fucking smelly sweater and your hair… It’s not fair.”

Ben let out a laugh.

“My sweater doesn’t smell.”

“It reeks of cheap deodorant… I love it.” Hux snickered a bit at his own stupidity. “Just like I am starting to love being your boyfriend… You have no idea how much trouble you are in.”

Ben made to protest but Hux sat up abruptly as felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Maybe it would be his father… Immediately he was cold again, worry increasing a ten-fold. How could he have lulled off like that? He should not have allowed himself to relax, it wasn’t right. He swallowed as Ben lightly held his sleeve, giving him a concerned look.

"Sorry, I need to take this." He sighed.

He immediately dug it out of his pocket and answered without looking.

"Hello?"

"Oh god... Oh thank God... Bran... It's so good to hear you. I thought you would be in that and I thought you would be- And then I panicked and I called and my heart- Oh Bran I was so fucking scared I cannot even begin to tell you-" Phasma was babbling, half sobbing even.

Ben had stood up, murmuring something about a simple snack for them as he left to the kitchen. Hux gave him a quick nod and tried to make sense of Phasma’s panicked broken sentences. It did not exactly help with his current mood.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, voice pinched comically, standing up to lock himself in the bathroom.

He clicked the lock in place and heard her ramble on some more, this time crying actual tears, he could hear it in the way her voice wavered and choked as she talked nonsense.

"Phasma... Phasma! What are you talking about?!"

She fell quiet on the other end of the line for a moment, only breathing as she seemed to stop her crying somewhat.

"Oh god... You do not know... Oh my god... Bran-"

She swallowed thickly, before she sighed out.

"Turn on the news."

He felt his stomach drop at how she said it and he dropped his phone on the floor with a loud clack, running back to the living room to grab the remotes. Ben startled a bit but let him frantically change the channels until he'd made it to Channel 8, their news channel.

"-and witnesses report that four unknown cars purposely pushed the senator's car of the road, sending them into the valley below. The senator is verified to be one of the passengers of the car, even though all bodies were heavily charred from the fire that broke out from the damaged engine, as well as two other males who are rumoured to be his sons-"

Ben frowned as he looked at it, the news report droning on around a helicopter-view of a car-crash site. It was just off the highway, Ben recognized the place. He was confused why Hux had turned it on, was that a target of his or something? He heard a choked gasp escape behind him. He looked back, eyes widening at Bran's face. His eyes were red, and both cheeks were streaked with tears as he covered his mouth, staring at the report with such undiluted horror that Ben was afraid he would start to fall apart right there where he was standing.

"Bran-" He said, voice only a whisper.

He looked at the screen again, the wreckage was a mess. People had filmed the burning car and the deep skid-marks, like it was an attraction, a fucking display. People had burned to death in that car... Ben swallowed a bit when Hux wouldn't talk to him, failed to acknowledge him even.

"Bran please- What-"

He looked again, the reporters discussing the senator's campaign with a picture of him in the corner of the screen.

"-of course is suspicious that the senator dies so shortly after announcing that he would renounce his position in the council to his son. Media feeds blew up earlier today when the senator himself declared that not the oldest son Emille Brendol Hux would be given the position but his youngest son Elan Brendol Hux would be appointed as his successor."

Ben saw the pictures of the senator's sons come in view and he then felt the same horror settle in his gut. Because it clicked into place with the Academy photo of the youngest son... His Bran was Elan Hux... Those were Bran's father and brother... Dead.


	6. A boy's tears and a thirst for revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This time I was actually done early with my chapter... I have no idea how that happened between all my school-stuff, but it must be some miracle. I still chose to keep it until today because I like to keep a regular schedule. Also nice to know for those that care: At tumblr I now have a blog dedicated to the fic. You can go follow or look up 'elan-brendol' I will be posting artwork, chapter updates, little snippets that are not in the story, christmas specials and god knows what there. 
> 
> Once again thank you for reading and feel very free to leave a comment (I would be very happy).

"No... He said he'd call... It's just a hoax... Just a trick..."

Hux’s hands were shaking and he grabbed the remote harder in his hands to stop it from showing. Dread was creeping in from all sides of his mind. It wasn’t real, he decided. It could not be real. He refused to acknowledge that it would happen like this. In a moment people would come out and laugh and say it was all just some cruel joke. Emille’s way of getting back at him for what he had done… His father laughing to see that he was as dumb as to fall for it. They would all have a laugh that pitiful little Elan believed all of it could ever be true.

"Bran..."

Ben got up and slowly approached him. Hux was still staring at the news. The report was being repeated over and over again. The same images filling the screen, that helicopter in the sky flying endless circles around the burned-out shell of the car. Hux felt his knees buckle eventually and slid to the floor behind the couch. The remote fell on the ground with a clatter.  Ben grabbed it and turned off the TV, casting the room in silence again. Hux was not talking, Ben wasn’t sure what he should say. He could see something break in Hux’s head, a panic setting in when he started to understand that it was real, that it was true. He was just standing there, staring at the boy who sat on his floor with a look on his face that made Ben terribly uncomfortable.

"Bran..." He tried again, probing for any form of a reaction.

Slowly Ben knelt next to Hux’s level, he wasn't reacting to anything he said. Maybe he could not even hear him. He wrapped his arms around Hux then and pulled him closer, hoping the touch would snap something back into awareness. It did, when Ben had laced his fingers together behind Hux’s back, that was the moment Hux broke down completely. Ben swallowed hard, once again sliding a hand into Hux's hair, the other holding him closer. It was painful, so painful as a reminder, but this made it even more true that they were still just boys. Hux was still a child too, even if he was 18, it was probably only barely a few months ago that he turned that age, and he carried so much... Too much. Ben would have loved any other moment how Hux's arm wrapped around his chest so tightly that he could feel them squeeze him, but not like this. He could not enjoy it when the face that tucked into his neck was streaming hot tears, accompanied by ugly sobs that sounded like Hux couldn't even breathe. Ben couldn't even try to grasp it, the idea that his mother or father would be killed so brutally... And not just that, Bran was a senator now, officially speaking. The boy in his arms would have to run politics against the snakes that wanted power over anything.

"It's okay... Bran... It's okay... I've got you... You're safe here."

Hux kept holding Ben tightly until he had calmed down somewhat, as minutes passed his erratic panic managed to slow back into a more coherent state. He tried breathing in slowly to calm himself more, supressing the frantic spasms in his chest that made him sob. He needed to calm down completely, he needed to think, he needed to make plan, he needed to- Ben got worried when he heard Hux go quiet. He was still holding onto Ben’s sweater with both hands, but his arms were going slack and he no longer cried.

"What is it?"

Hux didn't react, tucked his face into the dark fabric more. Why did his father send him away? Why? Why? It was echoing through Hux head. Had he known something would happen? But then why had he taken Emille and not sent him away too? Hux clenched his fists, he had to be better, think clearer… Someone had it out for them, their father had known, he had to have known. But who would- Hux stopped his train of thought and snapped his head up. He knew who. Snoke..... It had to be him. It had to.... Hux felt something in his chest coil impossibly tight and he stood up abruptly.

"I need to go."

He couldn’t think straight. That monster, that lying wretched snake, he had never intended to let them all leave, had he? He had looked at them, all of them, and decided that he would kill them. He just could not understand why? Snoke had made his victory on his dad… He had won with his schemes and the dirt he dug up. Why then, WHY, did they need to die? Ben shot out an arm and grabbed Hux by the waist, panicking a bit as he saw the look on his face.

"Bran no!" He said, trying to stop him with his best efforts, but his socks found no grip on the wooden floors of the apartment to ground him. "Bran! Stop! Stop walking-"

He grit his teeth then and shouted out the other name before he could think whether it was a good idea to do so or not.

"Elan! You stop walking god damn it!!"

Hux did stop then. He did not necessarily react to the name, rather to the way Ben’s voice cracked at the last words, pinched off and higher than usual. He turned shortly to look in Ben’s face, ready to tell him off but Ben was faster.

"They... They think you are dead too Bran... What if they kill you when they find out you survived?"

He wasn’t stupid. He knew that Hux’s father and brother were murdered, just like he could tell from the other’s face that he knew who was responsible. He could see the blazing hatred it caused, but he could not let him walk out of here. What if he died too? Hux swallowed thickly and clenched his jaw.

"I cannot just do nothing." He growled, face set in a snarl.

"I know. But you cannot do this now. You cannot. You have to think first... Figure it out... You- You would die Bran." Ben sniffled a bit. "I don't want to have to watch the news tomorrow and see that you are on it again, this time dead in a ditch somewhere by yourself. I can't let you walk out and risk that. I would… I would never forgive myself for not stopping you."

Hux slowly stepped back and closed the door, letting it fall back into the frame with a soft click. Ben felt relief flood over him. Hux was listening to him, he was able to talk him out of it. He really did care for Ben then, really did value him. Under other circumstances he would have grinned like an idiot. Now he just pulled his arm loose from Hux’s waist and stood up straight again. Hux looked at him with some sort of sadness though, as if he had decided something that would change what they had. Ben frowned a bit, hoping to God that Hux would not tell him that Ben was wrong, that he would leave anyway.

"You must come with me then." Hux said. "I have to show you something."

He sounded a bit hollow, as if he already regretted his decision.

"Show me what?" Ben asked nervously.

"The Citadel. It will be the only place that is truly safe. You must come too, I won’t have you in danger."

"Really?"  

Ben’s eyes widened a bit. The Citadel, was that what Hux called it? Ben did not need to ask what it was. He knew what Hux meant, the home of the First Order. He would take Ben to it, which was a permanent gesture. It meant ‘I trust you’. It meant that Hux would not mind that Ben knew where it was, what it was… And that he thought it would keep them both safe.

"They need to know I'm still alive." Hux elaborated. “You are right that they will kill me too when they find out, you are wrong however that you think they don’t know it already.”

He turned to Ben.

"I'm going to take you with me. The Order is the only place that can offer you protection if they find out you are somehow involved in this. I hope they never do Ben, but for now, I rather be safe than sorry. You need to stay in my room however, when I go to talk some things through. The Order does not allow for outsiders most of the time, and I will not have you recruited."

Ben nodded quickly. He felt excited even after what had just happened. That place would be a secret hide-out, an epic society of its own. Ben had wanted to see it since he knew that Hux was part of an organisation in the first place.

"Alright. let's go."

"Wait."

Ben quickly grabbed one of the caps in his room and put it on Hux's head. It didn’t work at all, he looked weird, a suit and then that old cap. Instead he urged Hux to change into some of his clothes once again. He offered him a baggy sweater… The kind he liked to wear too, with a hood and some band’s name and album cover printed on the back of it. With some of his old jeans that the checkered sneakers that he barely wore anyway, nobody would ever recognize Hux in those clothes. He looked like a goddamn thug, the hood of this ridiculous sweater pulled over the cap so that not a single strand of red hair would be visible. He took Ben with him to the old subway-station, crossing through the city without trying to attract any attention. He held onto Ben’s hand, head down a bit so that it looked as if they were only on their way to get ice-cream or something. When they reached the rims of the Old City though Ben started to feel uneasy. It was old and abandoned here, so he looked at Hux to see if he was trying to pull his leg. Things here were broken, unstable, unused for years. And that was just the border, the actual Old City was not even accessible anymore, walled off to be forgotten.

"Trust me." Hux simply said as he took him to the old maintenance shafts and jumped down into one.

Ben hesitated, it was pitch black in there and it looked quite narrow.

"It looks really deep Bran..." He murmured as he stood on the edge.

"Just jump. There's padding on the floor." Hux’s disembodied voice said from somewhere below.

Ben pursed his lips and jumped down into the old dark tunnel, squawking a bit as his ass landed on something that felt like an old mattress. It wasn’t a nice landing, his teeth clanked together on impact and he felt like his spine had shortened a bit. Hux grabbed his hand as his eyes were still adjusting to the utterly weak light down here and pulled him through the dark corridor until he opened a latch, revealing the citadel to Ben. It was huge, simply huge. The high arched ceilings with their lights, the painted walls and robust staircases. This was nothing like the grey city as Ben knew it, this was grandeur, history... Beautiful. They had come out of a maintenance latch, which fell shut again with a clack when they were both through. Ben looked up at the ceiling, at the paintings of angels and constellations. It was like the pictures he had seen of Rome once, of their old monuments and temples. He knew this was not that old, a mimicry made by people of the 20th century, but even that was some 200 years ago already. He snapped out of his thoughts when Hux was pretty much tackled by the Academy girl he had seen before, the one that looked like she could powerlift him with one arm.

"Oh it is so good to see your punk ass." She said when Hux returned her embrace. "What's with the ghetto look though? And the boy?"

Hux sighed a bit, patting her back before he turned to Ben.

"The ghetto look was to keep people's eyes off me... And this is my uh-- boyfriend... Ben."

Ben's ears burned a bit at the thought that he was introduced as Hux’s boyfriend. He did not have to do that for the charade, the girl had nothing to do with that, which meant that Hux did it because he saw him as such, his fucking boyfriend.

"Since when do you have a relationship?" She asked with a bit of a snort.

"Last week somewhere..." Hux answered. "I think... I don't even know anymore... This week has been straight out of Hell."

She looked sombre then, understanding. Ben guessed she was a close friend to Bran, someone important to him. That was good, every little bit could help to soften the blow of what had happened.

"Alright... Why don't we give Ben a place to sit for a bit and you and I talk to Thrawn? We need to know what happened, everything you know. The First Order will avenge your family."

Hux nodded and turned to him.

"I'll take him to my room and then we can go to Thrawn. I'll see you there."

She smiled faintly and looked at Ben then, straightening a bit as she held out her hand.

"Nice to meet you Ben. I hope you'll like it here."

Ben greeted her too, she introduced herself as Phasma, nothing else. She was like Hux though, she wore a similar get-up. Hers was lighter grey with deep red and black accents and a lot of her padding and armour was different, but the general look was just like Hux’s was. So she was a killer too, or whatever the official term was they used here. Hux patted his back then and took him up to a set of stairs. Ben looked everywhere, not minding his own feet as he took in every detail of these halls. This place was amazing, almost exactly like he imagined headquarters would look like. It was like nothing else he would ever see, he felt privileged that Hux trusted him enough to bring him here. After two sets of stairs and a short walk down one of the corridors they arrived at Hux's room. The wooden door creaked a bit as he opened it and revealed the simple room to Ben. It was… Tiny. Half the size of what Ben had even. No decorations, only a bed at the far end that fit perfectly in length between the two side-walls, the sheets a crisp white. There was a wardrobe on the left side and a desk at the right side. It was all so simple and empty, yet the dimmed light here made it look warm and nostalgic in a sense.

"Sorry, my room isn't too big. Can you entertain yourself for now?"

Ben nodded and perched himself on the chair that was tucked under the desk. Hux sighed and leaned in to kiss him softly, fingers gliding along his cheek before he stepped away again. Ben simply smiled at him and licked his lips.

“I’ll be fine here. Don’t worry.”

"I'll be back soon."

Hux left Ben alone in his room then and went back to look for Phasma. She was already waiting for him to go to Thrawn in the main hall.

"So... No offense, but where the fuck did he come from?" She asked when she offered him a cup of tea first. “He looks nice, but he isn’t from our school or anything.”

"The first solo flight..." Hux murmured. "He saw me kill the Hosnian lawyers."

Phasma frowned.

"You mean, he saw you commit nine-fold murder and thought he needed to totally date you?"

Hux grimaced.

"It's not like that... Ben is very naïve... He saw my face that day and probably the fucking fear in it and- I don't know what really made him like me... Later. Bottom-line is that he was the one I could go to when I got shot, and now again when my father-"

He fell silent and swallowed around the thick lump in his throat three times before he dared to speak again.

"It was Snoke that did this. He threatened my father... He was gloating, he knew that he was going to ruin his reputation."

Phasma sighed a little, leaning back in her chair.

"Then... Why kill him? If he had already won against your father, then why would he risk committing a crime?"

Hux shrugged, trying not to cry again. He blinked furiously as he remembered the conversation at Snoke’s house again. His father had been fidgety all week before already, like he had been expecting it to some degree. If Snoke had gone to the measure of killing them it must have been to protect his victory. Somehow his father must have found a way to slither out of Snoke's accusations, freeing himself from the damning pieces that Snoke had set up to-

_Your youngest is harder to uproot dirt for, but I will find something there too no doubt._

That was what Snoke had said, that was what his father had picked up too no doubt.

"Because of me." Hux said then. "Snoke killed them because of me.”

Phasma frowned a bit as Hux reeled back with the realization of it.

“It was on the news... My dad transferred his position to me this morning. When he saw that Snoke would be able to destroy him... He must have- That was why he made sure I was not with them, in case something bad would happen after he’d made the arrangements... He wanted to rush the transfer before Snoke would know what he was up to."

He started to shake again, fingers trembling around the cup. It was his fault... This was all for him and they died for it! If only his father had let it all slide it would not be like this.

"Bran look at me."

Phasma grabbed Hux's arm hard enough to make him snap his head up.

"Don't do this to yourself. Your dad chose to do it like this, obviously thought that it was for the best. None of that is your fault."

Hux looked away from Phasma. She did not understand. It was his fault, if he hadn’t beat up Emille then his father would still think he was a weak boy and he would not have given him the nomination.

"Whatever you're thinking stop thinking it, because it isn't true."

Hux shook his head, tears welling up in his eyes. He wanted to tell her she was wrong, but his throat kept constricting so he didn’t. Phasma watched him stare at the table, swallowing and sniffing, blinking his eyes stubbornly as he willed himself not to cry again. Eventually he pushed off from the table and wiped at his nose.

"Let's go to Thrawn." He said softly and stepped back a bit. “We can’t keep him waiting all day.”

Phasma nodded. She made no effort to try and cheer him up, talk him out of things. Hux was smart and resilient, sometimes he just needed time. Things such as these really did need time to heal. She just hoped that if it was Snoke, that he would not set his markers on Bran too soon. Maybe he would show some goddamn mercy for once. Maybe he did not know yet that he had survived the crash in the first place. They walked towards Thrawn’s office in the same silence. When they arrived Phasma gave a quick knock on the door. Hux straightened his back and clipped his hands behind it as always. He only just realized that he was still in the 'ghetto' clothes as Phasma called them, he should have changed when he dropped Ben off in his room. Well no fixing that now, Hux was sure that it was understandable given the circumstances. Thrawn told them to enter almost immediately. Phasma opened the door rather forcefully.

"Bran is still alive!" She immediately said when she opened the door.

Thrawn looked up and caught sight of Hux standing behind her.  

"That is good news indeed." He said, although he looked a little... Off.

Hux figured that Thrawn was thrown off by his clothes, given that he usually showed up here in the Academy uniform or his garb. He pushed back the sweater’s hood a bit more and fumbled with the cap in his hands. He had taken them off when they had entered the Citadel, they limited his vision quite a bit. Besides, he had nobody to fear here.

"Are you hurt boy?" Thrawn asked.

Hux shook his head and smiled thinly.

"No, I was never in the car." He said then. "I didn't even know of it.... Until Phasma called."

He swallowed thickly and shook his head.

"It must be awful..." Thrawn said, letting out a soft sigh as he stood from his desk. "For what it helps, I have decided to give you a promotion so you can execute this mission yourself."

He stood from his desk to hand Hux a sheet of paper, a declaration of promotion.

"You are allowed now to lead your own squadron like Phasma can. You are senior officer, so you may coordinate missions of your own. I trust you will use this rank wisely."

Hux nodded, trying to look like he appreciated the gesture. He could not quite bring himself to smile though.

"Your first mission as such will be to avenge your father and brother, I am giving you the mission personally, you are not to discuss it with any other officer."

He looked to Phasma then.

"I suggest you collaborate with Phasma on the mission however, she will be able to assist you with the responsibilities of your new rank and keep your personal judgements in check."

Hux nodded again.

"Thank you, sir. But if I may ask, why can we not speak of the mission?"

Thrawn hummed a bit as he put his fingers together.

“If word gets out that I allow my officers to handle a personal vendetta, we will have demands all over the place of people that wish to use the Order to make their own problems go away. Your father’s death happens to be in our interest, and rules dictate that a different officer should handle the mission rather than leave it to you. So boy, hush up or the mission goes to somebody else.”

That was that then, Hux was given permission to go after Snoke himself. He knew the only reason he had been promoted was probably because of his father naming him senator. Thrawn wanted him pleased then, wished to make sure that Hux was more loyal than ever to the Order and its interests. He hadn't done enough of his own accord to get the honour of being a senior officer yet. But Hux would have done anything to avenge his father and brother. Even though he never felt a close bond with the two, it still hurt to know they weren't there anymore, besides… Nobody fucked with his family and got to walk away from it.

"Alright." Thrawn said as he gave him the same marked patch that Phasma had on her own uniform. "Take your time. I'm not putting you on new missions until this one has been concluded. You'll be able to focus on this completely."

They were dismissed after that and walked off.

"Congratulations on the promotion." Phasma said softly, bumping his shoulder.

"Thank you." Hux echoed, his head feeling heavy with all the things he had to process. “It will certainly make things easier.”

He folded the paper and patch before tucking them into the kangaroo-pockets at the front of his sweater. He was tired, weary. He wished he could just go home… To his mother. How devastated she must be. She too would know by now, about the car-accident. As far as she knew, her entire family had been wiped away at once, taken from her without warning, without a single goodbye.

“Bran… Where are you with your head?” Phasma called, shaking his shoulder a bit.

"I'm sorry I just... I need to see my mother. She thinks that she lost her husband... Both her kids... She needs me. She needs to know that she hasn’t lost everything at least."

Phasma sighed a bit, crossing her arms a little.

"Bran, you have to stay in the citadel." She said. "People cannot know that you are still alive until you have killed the culprits. I don’t like to keep you from her, but you would be in danger."  

"No. She needs me! I cannot let her think that she is alone like this, she must be devastated! What if she-"

He bit his tongue shortly.

"What if she does something irrational in her grief... She is the last family I have now. If I cannot even protect her, then what’s the use?"

Phasma shook her head a little, rubbing her hand over her elbows. She never liked to be the one to forbid things.

"I know Bran, but it's too dangerous for the both of you. You could be followed home, and if they kill you there, they would not hesitate to get rid of her too. Besides your mother won't do anything stupid, I'm certain about it. She is level-headed, she will find a way to cope. I know it's hard, but you might endanger her more if you go meet her."

Hux didn't react immediately, but nodded eventually, weakly as if he was admitting defeat. Phasma was happy that she managed to talk him out of such reckless business, but still, Hux needed someone to share his grief with. She was his friend, and this boy seemed to be dear to him, but they did not share his pain like other family could. Hux needed his mother right now.

"Just grab one of the safe phones from the storage-rooms and call her Bran." She murmured. "I know you want to see her, in person... But you can't. Later. At least you can talk to her like that. Just don’t use your own phone, they will know that you called."

Hux took in a deep breath, eyes closed and then nodded.

"I'll go see Ben for a moment, then call her. I will come find you after that to make plans."

Phasma nodded and clasped a hand over the back of his neck. They parted ways and Hux walked up the stairs again, thoughts still racing as he walked to his room and opened the door. Ben was sitting on his bed, fidgeting with the different compartments of the rifle that Hux always carried with him, trying to put it together by himself. He sighed and watched him screw the parts together and apart again, curious and at the same time utterly clumsy.

"Bored?" Hux asked, smiling thinly as he let the door fall shut behind him again.

Ben turned quickly and grinned sheepishly.

"A bit." He murmured and put down the rifle-parts again. "How did it go?"

Hux shrugged.

"I got promoted... So now I can personally work on avenging my father."

He flopped down on the bed then, his back slouching as he pulled the hood back over his head as if he could disappear into it. Ben watched him a bit as he scooted closer, crossing his legs.

"Not that it makes me feel any better... I don't think anything could make me feel better..."

Hux put his hands over his face and inhaled sharply.

"I feel so alone... That's stupid I know, I did not even like either of them... But they were still my family, my roots. They were the ones I grew up with, they shaped part of me..."

Ben lay down behind him, looking up at the small window-strip at the top of the wall.

"It's not stupid, Bran. It's just a sign you are a person, that you feel things… I would honestly be very worried for you if you were fine. That would be unhealthy."

Ben pulled Hux closer with his arm. If he could do it Ben wanted to just make him forget about the pain though, just for now, to give him some peace.

"I'm glad you're here." Hux murmured.

He sighed and lay down too, levelling himself to Ben’s face for a moment to look in his lovely brown eyes before he let his head rest on Ben’s shoulder again. They lay like that for some time, Ben even thought Hux had fallen asleep for a while, until he began to talk again.  

“I'm going to make a call to my mother. She needs to know I'm still alive. It will make it a bit easier for her."

He wiped a hand down his face and slowly pulled his hair in order. He was calmer, less fidgety. Ben smiled a little and nodded, sitting up again and gesturing to Hux that he would wait here as always. Hux left the room to find a phone. They had burner-phones in stock for their jobs, in case they needed to communicate with outside parties. He would be able to call untraced from there. He activated one and wiped his nose as it started up., trying to steel himself for what he would have to hear... What he would need to talk about. No doubt that his mother would be quite shaken, he just hoped that he could stay levelled. Crying was for children, sniffling boys without spines. He had already cried today, weak and stupid. What would his father think if-… Right. He tapped his mother's number and let it ring, feeling his stomach churn when it waited for the other end to answer. Six times he heard the low beep of the waiting line before she picked up.

"Elana Hux." She murmured softly.

Hux swallowed, she sounded horrible, her voice cracked a bit and she sounded unusually high pitched. More than that though she sounded terribly empty.

"Who is this?"

Hux sighed a little, plucking at the cords of his sweater.

"It's me, mom..."

He heard her gasp, then a clatter that indicated she might have dropped something she was holding.

"Elan." She said, voice trembling. "Oh darling it is you."

She sniffed a bit on the other end of the line.

"I thought you were in the crash too. They told us that there were three bodies."

She sobbed and Hux felt it like a physical rip in his gut that he would not be able to let her see him to be absolutely sure. Of course she knew it was him, she recognized his voice, but still…

"No... It must have been Norman. I think... I wasn't there- Dad separated me, told me to go somewhere else."

He tried to suppress the way his own chest constricted.

"He knew they would come for us."

"Where are you baby? Are you okay?"

Hux sniffed.

"I'm fine, like I said, nothing happened to me. I'm with a friend now... Dad gave me his nomination mom... He was afraid that I would be... Targeted."

He took a deep breath then and shook his head.

"Listen, I'm safe, I'll be home soon, but you cannot tell anyone else. Dad did this for a reason, I have people working it out now..."

She was quiet for a moment.

"You are only a child Elan. I want you home... I want to hold you, I want to look at your face if you are truly okay."

He scraped his throat a bit as he felt the tears prick in his eyes.

"I want to be home too... But... I can't. Just... Promise me you won't say anything about me. And if you see Snoke you stay away from him."

She sighed a bit. He knew what she was doing, pinching the bridge of her nose, trying to fend off a headache.

"What is going on love? What is with Snoke? Why can’t you just come home?!"

"He threatened dad! And two hours later they-"

Fuck, he couldn't keep his voice straight at all.

"Dad's advisors think he has a hand in it." He lied instead. "They will keep me safe until we figure it out. They didn't want me calling you, but-"

He wanted to just ditch the phone and run to her. He could be there in five minutes... That was nothing.

"Are you scared?" She asked him.

And he did cry then.

"Of course I am." He said with a small voice. "They killed my father, my brother... And I would- They would've- Killed me too."

He tapered off.

"My poor boy..." Elana sighed. "Just... Find someone to trust, and try to sleep a bit. Try to eat too... Take care of yourself. You will be home safe soon. I promise darling. Hear me, I promise you that you'll be home soon."

“Yes mom. Take care of yourself too."

Hux felt stronger after hearing his mother’s voice. The protective authority behind her last promise made him more secure, more certain that she would be okay for now. After he had turned off the phone again he sighed a little. Yes it did relieve him, but at the same time he missed her almost twice as much now. He wanted to go home more than anything, but he couldn't risk it. They needed a plan first and then needed to act on it fast. Hux wanted this to get over with, hoped they could still count on the element of surprise if Snoke believed he was the third passenger in the car. He walked back to his room and saw Ben still sitting there, waiting for him to get back.

"Hey." He said softly.

Ben smiled lightly when he saw him.

"How was it?"

Hux sat down next to him again.

"It's was so good to hear her voice." He admitted with a bit of a huff.

Ben hummed and kissed his cheek with a soft sigh. It was easier now, to show Hux some affection. He let him do it, and Ben was no longer feeling like he was on thin ice. Hux sought him out, every time again, he wanted to be with Ben, and Ben with him.

"What now?" Ben asked after a while, leaning against his shoulder lightly as he stared at the wall.

"I need to find who did this... And I will bring them down."

Hux sniffed a bit and turned his head to nuzzle Ben’s temple a bit.

"Maybe you need to go home." He said then. “This room must bore you to death.”

"No. You need me here." Ben said stubbornly. "Just don't worry about me, I am simply here. Besides… Weren’t you afraid that they would come for me?"

Hux sighed and nodded, smiling at him before he stood up.

"Alright, you can stay then. I need to change clothes though. I’m afraid I will need to act fast to take out the ones responsible for all this."

He smiled and nodded to his own garb in the wardrobe. Ben knew what it meant, that Hux would be off to kill people, take revenge. Somehow it made him a little uncomfortable now that he really knew him. Bran was gentle and clever, Ben almost forgot about the murder-part.

"Thank you for once again giving me clothes though... It is really turning into a habit."

Ben grinned widely. He liked the way it was now, the way Hux gave his trust so easily now, the idea that he was privy to everything, no more secrets. It had been a week ago that he had won his trust, taking care of wound… Now he sat here, he knew his name, his work, his pain… Hux walked to his closet where the usual outfit hang waiting, cleaned and good as new. He quickly changed and carefully put everything in place, blade on one wrist, a smaller gun on the other and so on. He turned back to Ben when he was ready.

"I'm very sorry to leave you alone again. I’d give you something better to do than sit and wait."

Ben shook his head.

"Don't be sorry. I get it. I'll just be here when you get back."

Ben smiled lightly at Hux assuring him it was okay. Hux nodded and gave Ben a soft kiss, pecking his lips with a smile. It offered a sense of comfort, every time again. Ben was always warm, eager, clutching at his arms or neck.

"I'll be back soon."

"Just be careful. I don't want to play doctor on you again. I suck at it."

Hux let out a small snort and turned. Ben watched him go, regarding and memorizing the clothes Hux wore. The way they swept behind him with every step. They looked so... Perfect on him. Like Ben could never imagine them on somebody else, not like that. They belonged on Hux and not on anyone else. It would never be the same if they were worn by any other. He sighed and closed the door again, looking around the small room. It had nothing personal. There was only the narrow wardrobe and a bed that was basically just a cot. There was a window on the very top of the wall, it was thin and so dusty that the light was weak. There was a desk with some drawers, but Ben had looked into them before to find them mostly empty, a few notes were stashed in one of them and there was an extra gun taped to the bottom of the desk, a robust hand-gun, not quite as refined as the rifle he carried on his back or the small gun in his sleeve. It was for personal motives, Ben guessed, for vendettas. He hoped that Hux had never used it before.

It smelled like Hux here though, and that made it a comforting place to be. He smelled good, always. Even after Ben had done his emergency surgery, when he had shared his own bed with Hux to sleep, he had smelled good. He sighed, if only Hux could have his simple thoughts too, he could barely imagine what had to be going on in that head... He was convinced that any other would have long crumbled under the pressure, he just hoped that Hux would manage to continue being this okay, it wouldn't take much to really ruin him anymore, Ben could feel how the strain changed his behaviour. At least he could count on Ben. He did not care if he had to sit here for six more hours or sixteen, he just wanted to keep Hux close. They were starting to grow closer and closer, and Ben would be damned if it would fall apart now. He would not allow for it, could not allow for it. Hux was his goddamn boyfriend, so Ben would be there for him, always.


	7. A harsh talk and a bitter deja vu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahhahaahaaaaa whoops.... I was a little late there. I totally forgot about this yesterday (even though I finished the chapter on Sunday). Sorry you guys! To make it up to you all it's a long one :)

Hux walked along the rooms until he reached Phasma's. Her own space in this Citadel was at the other side of the hallway, the corridor on the other end of the stairs but still on the same floor, so close enough. Phasma answered immediately when he knocked on the door, and they sat down at the small table in her room. It looked almost exactly like Hux's given the size, only she had put some time in decorating it a bit, making it more her home. She was here more often, just hanging around and taking some time for herself.

"Let's get straight to the point." Hux said.

Phasma nodded. She knew Hux wanted to get this done with so that he could go home already. She would probably want the same if it concerned her.

"Do we have any idea who was responsible for the attack?" She asked.

"Probably Snoke, but he must have sent some other guy to do the job for him."

Phasma nodded and started to write down what Hux said. She had him tell more about the meeting they had attended with Snoke and then about what he knew about the nomination transferring to his name.

"It sounds to me that Snoke expected your father to withdraw after the threats... But somehow he got news that you were being put in line and he thought he could kill you all instead." She murmured. "Any idea on how he could have known?"

Hux shrugged and tried to think about it. Somehow Snoke had known it before the announcements, thinking he could still hush it down before the media would hear word about what was going to happen.

"Markins." He said then, the thought clicking in place the moment he said it out loud. "He was visiting my father when I beat Emille up. In order to keep me clean my dad must have discredited him so that Markins’ stories about me pummelling Emille would sound like nonsense."

Phasma noted it down too.

"Well, there you go. Markins is your first loose end, I suggest we set up a bit of a meeting with the dear senator."

Hux shook his head.

"No. I want to talk to him alone. Under the mark of the Order."

Phasma frowned.

"You want to interrogate him in disguise?"

Hux nodded.

"Of course! If he is in league with Snoke and sees me he will tell that snake that I’m still alive!"

“Well… That’s true, but- Is it a good idea?” Phasma leaned back, "I mean, there is a chance that he has nothing to do with any of this, and the Order is pretty secretive as it is now. Thrawn won’t be happy if we start showing ourselves so openly."

Hux hummed.

"Still, he won't talk to us if we're just going to walk into his office and ask him about it. He will deny everything. And then he would call Snoke, and that is the end of it all, I would say the risk is worth it. Thrawn gave us the mission, which means there is no harm in using the Order’s mark to interrogate him.” Hux said convincingly.

"Fine, you’re right. However, I don't think it's a good idea that you'll go alone."

"It'll draw to much attention if more people will come."

Phasma shook her head. She didn't like the idea of letting him go out there without back up or help alongside him, but Hux couldn't be convinced otherwise. It was his vendetta, and his alone.

"You know he's going to talk to Snoke about his interrogation if he's still alive and has connections with him. I cannot, as your friend, let you risk that."

Hux clenched his jaw.

"Then maybe I should not leave him there alive! If he is in league with Snoke- If he has anything to do with this- I will slit his fucking throat." He snarled then.

Phasma sighed and shrugged. Sometimes there was still a flare of child-like anger in there, not often, but just sometimes Hux would react so sharply without any regard to the possible effects it could have in the long run.

"Calm down a bit, this is personal... I know. But you have to keep your head clear."

Hux let out a bit of a snort and shook his head.

"Don't worry, I won't go rogue or something." He sighed then and looked to his left. "While I'm away though... Could you- Take Ben through some basics?"

He rubbed his hands together anxiously.

"I do not want to train him myself, we have a different dynamic than that. I wouldn’t want him to know any of the things we do… But we won’t know how bad this is going to get. I just want to make sure he knows what to do if someone ever comes for him."

Phasma smiled a little and nodded.

"Yes of course, I'll make sure he learns at least something."

Hux straightened then and nodded.

"I have to go now. I want to talk to Markins before it gets dark, who knows what Snoke has planned regarding loose ends after all. He could get to him first and we’d have nothing."

Phasma sighed, but said nothing. She thought Hux was acting too quick and hoped to God nothing would happen in the process of it. She knew he had to do this to find some sort of closure, revenge. There was no talking him out of it, if she told him not to then he would sneak off and do it anyways. It was best to at least know about his movements and stay on his good side.

"I'll walk you out."

Hux smiled lightly.

"Thank you." He said when they had exited to the maintenance shaft. “For trusting me.”

"I don’t… But I know how impossible you can get.” Phasma snorted. “You just get back in one piece."

She hugged him tightly before letting him go, she knew he hated it, and she wasn’t the hugging kind either. However, there were some situations that called for it.

“You get your punk ass in trouble and I will give you so much shit for it.” She mumbled.

“I better not then.” Hux said, pulling the cowl over his head again. “Just keep some soup warm, I’ll be back before the dinner-clock.”

Without waiting for her answer he clambered back out of the maintenance-shaft, disappearing over the edge in just a few seconds. He knew where to go, and set out for it without a second of doubt. Hux knew where he would find Markins. He had been to his house before with his father and if his memory served him right, he could find the way there easily.

Hux quickly wound through the streets of the city, making use of the lesser walked alley-ways, sometimes taking to the roofs when the structures allowed for it. It didn't take him long to reach the estate of the senator. Markins shared tastes with Snoke, he could tell. It was not quite as excessive, but he had his same love for pricy architecture and grandeur.

He searched the area with keen eyes.

There were guards, as was to be expected, but he could not yet see the senator. He had climbed his way to the top of the office-building nearby, using the scope of his rifle to scan the house with a closer look. High vantage-points were his best option in these cases, gave him a better overview, especially with the high walls that surrounded the entire house and garden. He could size up the competition and plan his navigation like this, not having to go in blind. Markins lived in a very modern house, the floor-plan was made up of angles and different cut-outs, a ‘dynamic’ design apparently. Hux didn't care for it, but it made it more difficult to look inside and make his plans, these blocks and weird shapes blocked the view on some windows or doors.

He took a deep breath and headed down, deciding his best odds would be to approach the house from the garden, where he would have some cover from the greenery in it until he would reach the slider-doors of the back-porch. Inside however, he had no idea what to expect. He climbed down the building again and snuck around the walls that surrounded Markins' house. He made sure to avoid the gate with a big loop, he knew it would raise alarm if security saw him in this garb – he certainly looked more than a little suspicious. Once he had reached the garden-side he took a run and leapt, fingers closing around the top of the concrete slab, feet skidding from the wall twice before he managed to pull himself up and over it. He lowered himself onto the grass as his eyes scanned the garden. This part itself was unprotected, mostly because Markins' kids played here sometimes, and well, most people couldn't make it over that wall to begin with. He snuck to the bushes and tried to look inside. The living-room was empty, but the light in the adjacent study was burning, so Hux could best take his chances there.

Carefully he snuck to the nearest window. He never understood why people wouldn't lock those properly, especially if all other security was so top-notch. The latches weren’t even tripped with alarms, it was child’s play to work it open. After making sure there weren't any rounds that would take the guards to his line of vision, he slowly began working on the window, wriggling the tip of his blade under it until he could poke the hinge from the latch aside on the inside. It didn't take him long and he opened it without making too much noise. He pulled himself up on the window-sill and stepped inside the living room. The slider-doors were still locked, sometimes it was the obvious that was the bigger challenge. He smirked a bit and closed the latch, no proof that it had been opened to begin with- Except a scratch or two on the paint.

The living area was a large room with some pricy paintings and fine couches. Markins’ kids had left some toys strewn on the rug, which looked out of place with his room-design of blacks and whites. Hux walked towards the study without making any noise. It was basics of his training to make sure no one would hear you coming, the rug helped immensely though, muffling even the slightest step of his boots. He let his back rest against the wall near the door and waited to hear something to indicate that he was right in his suspicions, flicking out the blade in anticipation. There were no voices, but he could hear someone turning pages and scribbling things down, the occasional sigh escaping from the person inside. Carefully he peaked around the corner, using the tips of his gloves to slowly push the door open. Markins was sitting at a large desk with his back turned towards the door. It was something Hux would never do, his paranoia would never let him. Wherever he would sit, anywhere at all, he would make sure he had sight on all entry-points of the room. At the moment though he was thanking Markins’ decision to place his desk there. It would make it much easier to get into the room.

He let out a breath, looking up at the ceiling shortly and stilling his nerves, before he took a quick step inside and slammed the door back into its hinges, locking it behind him. He reached for his own neck and made sure to activate the device in the collar of his uniform that would morph his voice, pursing his lips as he felt it press against his throat, ready to alter the vibrations of his vocal cords. Markins turned in his chair at the slam of the door and let out a bit of a shout when he saw Hux, papers falling to the floor.

"Who... Who are you?" The senator asked, voice pinching ridiculously.

"Your guilty conscience." Hux snarled, having no patience for pleasantries.

He knew that Markins would only see the lower half of his face, the hood covered the rest, cast shade over anything higher than the tip of his nose… anonymity.

"What was your part in the death of Senator Hux?" His voice was deepened by the device, making it sound all the more menacing.

Markins wheeled his chair back, carefully reaching for the button that would alert his guards.

"No." Hux said sharply. "You touch that and I will have to stop you... At all costs."

He let his thumb go over a throwing knife with a silent threat.

"Answer me and you get to go on with your life."

Markins swallowed, breathing sharply, he was basically pissing himself, Hux could tell.

"Nothing! The senator came to me, giving me some money to discredit what I'd said about his youngest son. I- I thought it was odd, but I accepted the bribe, I could really use the money for my campaign after all-" He laughed nervously, pushing his glasses up his nose a bit in an attempt to compose himself.

Hux clenched his jaw.

"What have you said about the son? To whom did you say it?"

Markins shook his head a bit.

"I saw the boy beat his older brother to a pulp... I've only told the story to a few colleagues at a bar… Pleasantry drinks and strong stories- Innocent and harmless I swear."

"List them."

Markins trembled, fidgeted with the one button that kept his jacket closed.

"Uh... Peter Ferrins, Axel Twains... Senator Snoke... And the man that was with the senator, I do not know his name, a friend of his, he said."

Hux flexed his fingers, feeling his gut coil ever tighter.

"Do you have a picture of this last man?"

Markins shook his head.

"No... Please... I have kids." He pleaded. "I've nothing to do with Brendol's death, or with his sons... He was my friend I swear."

Hux huffed, feeling his resolve to hurt Markins flutter away a bit as he remembered the toys on the carpet… And how much it hurt him to lose _his_ father.

"Did you tell any of these men from the bar that Senator Hux visited you about the story?"

Markins frowned then.

"Uh... I told them it was drunken talk... But-" His eyes lit up shortly as he seemed to recall something quite suddenly. "But Snoke asked if I was sure, if someone had 'persuaded' me. It was as if he suspected that something wasn’t quite right."

Hux cursed loudly then, hearing his suspicions confirmed. Markins let out a keening noise, startled at his sudden aggression and pressed the alarm when Hux flung some unfortunate object across the room to channel his anger. Hux turned when he heard the siren blare and cocked his head, nostrils flaring.

"Come on... You do this _now_?!" He growled.

He could kill Markins for it, or he could outrun the guards before they came. He could tell they were armed when he scoped the area earlier, and he did not fancy getting shot again. He weighed his options quickly and used the small gun in his coat-sleeve to shatter the window of Markins’ study to escape through. As he wriggled through it he cut his hands a bit on the last shards, but he was more worried about the shouts of the security guards that spotted him. He looked at them shortly before he broke into a run, hoping he would be over the wall before they could get him. Hux didn't look back. It would only cost him time, which he didn't have. Besides, he knew he was faster than these guys. Hux could see the wall in front of him, focussed on the exact point where he would need to set off in order to jump over in one go this time.

He just hoped that they would not- That's when the first shot rang, the bullet whizzing past him and crumpling into the concrete of the wall. The guards had decided they wouldn't be able to outrun him, so they'd rather shoot him down. Hux could feel the next bullets brush past him, passing with only a hair’s breadth to spare. When he was close enough to the wall he jumped and grabbed the top with his hands, feet finding purchase the first time around to vault him up and over.

Before he was over the edge completely two bullets hit him just enough to take a piece of flesh away, nicking him and sending a bit of blood spraying against the wall. Hux grit his teeth and landed on the street on the other side. Immediately he ran to the cover of the alleys, disappearing in their clutter before the guards could catch up to see where he had disappeared to.

He settled behind a simple dumpster and checked himself over, steadying his breath as well as he could. He could barely feel anything through the surge of adrenalin that made his heart beat this fast and his fingers shake with nerves. It was nothing life-threatening. His thigh had been grazed by a bullet, as well as the arm he had used to vault himself over the edge of the wall. They hadn't aimed to kill, they had wanted to capture him. Maybe that had been his luck, their careful shooting had made this a relatively unscathed escape. He knew they would find his blood, from the window-shards or the splatter he left on the wall, but Thrawn prepared for that, knew what his officers risked. Their blood would come up as completely unknown in police-databases, and even if they would directly run it against Hux's blood in a lab they would get a negative feedback. The perks of labs depending on machines; machines could be hacked.

In the years that DNA-testing was still new people might have done actual personal checks, but now that it was so ingrained into regular lab-work, people had come to trust their equipment too well. Maybe that was the benefit of being a true organization, it made sure that things were arranged for them. He sighed and wiped his hands on his clothes before he wound his way back to the Citadel, slowly walking off the buzz of the adrenalin so that he was calm by the time he had the subway-station in sight.

Markins was not in league with Snoke, but he had accidently spilled the plans his father was making, revealing them to Snoke in the process... he could be almost certain now that Snoke was really the one responsible, just like he’d thought. He just needed to prove it, find the connection, the true paper-trail. He needed to track the men that had driven the cars that killed his father and brother... They had professional written all over them, so if Hux could just find them he could make this whole thing come crashing down. He needed to visit the wreckage site for that though... Hux sighed. He disliked everything about that, but it was the only way to find out who those guys were, there would be physical evidence there, clues. That they would connect back to Snoke was completely obvious to him, but he didn't think they would be sitting in Snoke’s living room having a good laugh about their plan’s success. They would have dipped off the grid again, invisible.

As he lowered himself back into the access-tunnel to the Citadel he decided it would need to happen tonight, before Snoke would be able to send in people to clean up the possible evidence. First however he went back to his room to find Ben. There was no need to report to anyone. Thrawn wanted to hear from him when his mission was done… And only then. So he headed right up to his own little space, but Ben wasn't in his room. Maybe Phasma had already taken up on Hux’s request to teach him some of the basics in one of the training-spaces of the Citadel.

Before going down to check his suspicions Hux grabbed a cloth to wipe away the blood and clean the small wounds. He shrugged out of the coat to do so, hurrying it along a bit. Then he put some small bandages on the grazes to make sure they wouldn't get infected later. He wouldn't be the first to die by neglecting a wound, even a small one. He remembered that they lost an officer to it once, his entire leg consumed by sores and pus… It hadn’t been pretty. He shook the image from his head before it could make him queasy and put his coat back on, zipping it up and folding the hood back. He headed down to the bigger halls then and entered the training room that he knew Phasma favoured. Of course he was right, he noticed as he rounded the corner, smiling when he saw Phasma and Ben. Ben was smashing a stick at her, face bright red with the sheer will to hit something, but she managed to evade him every time, laughing even as he grew ever more frustrated.

"Watch your footing." Hux shouted. "She loves to push you on your ass with a solid knock of the shoulder."

Ben looked up, grinning at him. Phasma punished him for it by knocking him back, sending Ben skidding on his ass. He did not seem to mind, simply veered back up to greet Hux.

"Bran!"

He dropped the stick completely and ran over.

"You took so long."

Phasma shrugged a bit, checking the clock.

"Well, actually you’re back rather fast." She said, putting away the training-canes they’d used. "Was Markins talking then?"

Hux nodded.

"He confirmed suspicions." He said, rubbing his hands, peeling the gloves back when they agitated the small cuts. "Snoke found out about my father's strategy through him... But he is not in league with him."

She hummed as she put her jacket on again.

"You sure?"

"Yes. He was basically pissing himself, and he was adamant still, that he had nothing to do with my father's death. I don't think he even thinks Snoke was to do with it… Or at least, not to the degree that we do."

Ben grabbed his elbow and looked at his hand.

"Cut yourself?" He asked, turning his wrist so that he could look at his palms.

Hux simply smiled.

"It's nothing. Just a scrape." He assured Ben, patting his own arm.

He sighed then, turning away from Ben a bit.

"I'm going to the wreckage before they take it away." He said to Phasma. "Please... Come with me... I can't do that alone. I’m afraid I might- Lose it."

Phasma smiled lightly at the reluctant confession.

"Of course I’ll come with you. I'll go get my stuff and we can go… Right away if you want."

Phasma walked out of the room, she understood the urgency.

"How was your first lesson?"

Hux turned his attention back to Ben.

"Hmm, pretty good I guess… Or not… I don’t know. She really likes to show you you’re not quite on her level."

Hux let out a laugh and wrapped an arm around Ben.

"If it helps, I went through the exact same thing, she put me on my ass at least once every ten minutes… I had sore ribs for six days the first time, she does not pull punches."

Ben pulled up an eyebrow, going a bit paler.

"Oh god, why did I agree to do this?"

Hux grinned.

"At the end you won't regret the fact you can at least defend yourself. Besides, I told her that you are not a recruit… She won’t be like that with you, don’t worry."

Ben nodded. It could come in quite handy. Hux smiled a bit and gently kissed his cheek. Ben eagerly turned his head to get a kiss to the lips too, but he just missed the chance when Phasma returned to the hall to retrieve Hux. Ben huffed a bit as Hux turned his face away just a little too early.

"Sorry love-birds, but I need to break you up for a moment if we want to get some clues tonight." Phasma snickered when she saw Ben scowl.

"I'm leaving you alone quite a lot today, sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise." Hux said with a sheepish grin.

He gave Ben the quick kiss he just missed out on before he set a step back. Ben lingered a bit and slid his hand across Hux's cheek as he turned to leave. He watched him go again and took up one of the training-canes, practicing more and more. He wanted to learn, he needed to learn. He needed to be better. He fought with the techniques Phasma had told him about, remembering her instructions as well as he could, repeating them over and over again, trying to improve himself until he was sore and tired, arms shaking with the exercise. He needed to eat, so he slowly moved to the main halls, trying to see if there would be any food around this place. There was a woman that took him to the mess hall eventually. Her name was Unamo, so she said. She looked stern, poised, much like Hux did sometimes, but she was quite nice to him. It was her hair, pulled back in a tight bun, the way it sat made her look so rigid, and her make-up did not help either, it made her features look harsher. Maybe it was a way of looking tougher, Ben was afraid to ask though.

She made sure he got a dinner serving, and stayed with him until it was sometime around 10. She kept him busy with questions, of course she wanted to know why he was there. He did not know how much he should say, so he just said he knew Hux and Phasma, that they had brought him here with them, asked him to stay as they went to execute some order. She knew Hux and Phasma, they had been under her command as novices apparently, she had supervised them when they were not yet authorized to go on missions alone. She ranked as Lieutenant, which was not very high from what Ben could understand, but higher than Hux and Phasma at least. But as time progressed Ben became more anxious. Hux had been away for so damn long already, was this normal? Ben was worried for him.

"How long do missions take?" Ben asked Unamo eventually.

"There is no telling." Unamo said honestly. "Every mission is different, takes different times. Some take days even, it all depends on what targets do, what we uncover when we dig into lives."

She sighed then, apologizing that she could not offer a clearer answer. Ben shrugged, mumbled that it wasn’t her fault. Something was wrong... He could tell. It was like his gut said that Hux was not okay, there was a coil there that was just not right. And he was correct too, to his own abhorrence. At 11 Phasma returned to the Citadel, wide-eyed, dishevelled, and covered in blood.

"Bran. Is he here?" She asked the moment she saw Ben, grabbing his shoulders.

Ben felt sick right away. She was covered in blood herself, her attire ripped up a bit. The stench of it was just like the night Hux had come to his house, too overwhelming and simply disgusting. Ben shook his head, Hux wasn’t here… And if he wasn’t with Phasma either-

"They knew the Order was coming, they had the site littered with men." Phasma sighed, wiping her arm across her face. "I lost him. We had to split when the guns went off... I thought he went back here to re-group."

She shook her head. Ben looked at Unamo, to see how bad it was. It sounded bad, real bad.

"Was he hit?" Unamo asked, jaw setting tightly.

Phasma sighed.

"I don't know. I did hear yells and shouts, but it was dark and it could have been anyone. I need to go back. He could be cornered."

Phasma turned to rush back where she had come from, but Unamo grabbed her wrist.

 "I know you wish to protect him, but think rationally. You don't even know if he's still there or already found some other place to lay low. If you go back there, you might risk not making it out a second time." 

Phasma shook her head.

"No.... I'm not going to sit here and do nothing. The place was crowded, there were a lot of mercenaries, at least 20. I can’t just leave him there to fend for himself."

She pulled herself loose, but Unamo grabbed her again, this time by the elbow. Phasma was taller, more impressive, but Unamo clearly held the higher authority between the two. Ben looked between them. It almost seemed as if they were going to fight. What would they get out of that? It would not bring Hux falling down that maintenance shaft, safe and sound.

"Phasma! You can't go back alone. You at least need to bring some back-up, more assets. Either to finish off remaining mercenaries, carry Hux back to the Citadel if needed or even to be able to split a search. You cannot go alone and risk that we lose two officers to one mission."

Phasma stopped her glaring, lowering her gaze because she knew that Unamo was right.

"I'll come with you. We can ask a few others who are available right now and then go, we’ll make haste."

She nodded begrudgingly, allowing Unamo to talk her out of her own more suicidal plan.

"Does he have his phone with him?" Unamo asked then, letting her go as she set a step back.

"Uh... Think so, yeah." Phasma said, brows furrowing a bit.

Unamo nodded.

"We'll track him first, see if we need to bring more officers."

She turned on her heel and cocked her head for them to follow. Ben shortly looked at Phasma as they headed to one of the rooms of the Citadel, this one dark and warm, stashed with dozens of computers. Phasma looked tense, hands curled into fists, blood still staining her clothes and the left side of her face.

"Number?"

Phasma immediately strung the phone-number together, almost tripping over her words to hurry along.

"Palm-drive..." Unamo murmured when the software picked up the GPS-location. "What is at Palm-drive? Was your mission there?"

Ben turned white in the face.

"My house… My home is at Palm-drive... Hux came there the first time he got hurt."

Phasma looked at him and clasped his shoulder. She knew the implication of it, and it wasn’t good.

"We need a van." Unamo said. "Behaviour suggests he is wounded again."

She sighed then.

"Or worse."

Ben almost cried, managed to bring it down to a sniffle that he hid in the sleeve of his sweater, wiping at his eyes before there would be tears. Hux had sought out his house again, as the ultimate safe-zone. He should have been there to hold him and help him, he should have fucking known at least. He almost hit the ceiling when his phone rang, the tune of his favourite game playing way too loudly.

"Y-yes?" He answered, almost fidgeting too much to unlock the phone at the first attempt.

"Ben..."

He swallowed.

 "Bran..." He sighed out, catching the attention of the others immediately.

"Is he-"

He shushed Phasma a bit, it was hard enough to hear Hux already.

"You're at my house." He murmured.

"Yeah."

Hux didn't sound good, his breathing was harsh, and there was a whimper at the end of every exhale that left his lips.

"I'm sorry... I bled all over your bathroom... I don’t think it’s washing out this time."

Ben sniffed a little and bit his lip, refusing to turn into a sobbing mess.

"We are coming for you." He said instead, motioning that they needed to hurry. "We'll be there in a few minutes."

Hux hummed and let out a whine.

"I'm so fucking cold Ben... It hurts… Everywhere..."

Ben was about to panic. Hux needed him now. Why wasn’t he there yet? Why wasn’t he running? Why was he still standing here, doing nothing?

"Whatever you do don't go to sleep, Bran. It’s dangerous"

He could hear Hux’s breathing pick up a bit through the phone, shifting position was what it sounded like. Unamo had walked out of the room to get them a van, when she returned she immediately motioned for them to follow.

"Stay on the phone as long as you can. Keep him talking, keep him awake."

Ben nodded. They almost ran to the van. Unamo had gotten one of their own emergency vehicles, it had basic medical equipment in the back, a make-shift ambulance if you wished to call it that. Usually these sort of things did not happen. Officers died on missions sometimes, or they were lost in the field, but they wouldn’t usually risk extraction. Unamo knew however that to Phasma, Hux was not another officer, and the boy would not have any of it either. Besides, from what she could tell, this Palm-drive location was secure, the risk was minimal.

"Did you find our spare key?" Ben asked, sliding into the back-seat.

It was an obvious question, but Ben wanted to keep Hux talking, no matter what he said, as long as he did say something it was still good.

"Yes, it w-was....." Hux coughed and whimpered. "Pretty obvious where it was...."

Ben kept talking nonsense and asking questions, dumb questions, until they reached his house. Hux was answering slower every time Ben asked him something. He was about to cry, when he had trouble answering even the simplest things that Ben asked.

"Why do you want people to call you Bran?" Ben asked then, out of ideas.

Hux let out a slow hum.

"Habit..." He mumbled back, voice slurring. "I never liked... Elan..."

Ben bit his lip at the way it tapered off at the end.

"Why not? It’s a beautiful name."

No answer.

"Bran-..."

Unamo parked the van across the curb with no regard for traffic-rules and pushed Phasma out before they had even completely stopped.

"You two get him, I will set up and grab some tools to join you." She ushered.

Phasma nodded and Ben did not even need the incentive. They both hurried out of the van and into the building that Ben called his home. Phasma looked grim, there was a bloody handprint on the doorframe and they also caught sight of little splashes here and there. It had to be worse than the first time... Ben wasn't sure if he could stomach the sight of that. They ran up the stairs, Phasma taking them two at the time. The door to Ben's apartment was still wide open, Hux had only stumbled through on his way to the bathroom. Ben felt his heartbeat pick up as there was more blood in the carpet, on the door-frames. Phasma ran straight to the bathroom, knowing that Hux would have gone for that straight away.

"Oh my god..." She huffed as she had pushed the door open, covering her nose a bit.

Ben immediately ran over too.

"No. No, don't look." She said, pushing him out harshly and closing the door.

She knew Hux would never want Ben to see this. The boy stumbled and almost fell, and then as Phasma had locked him out he urgently tried to open the door.

“Let me in!” Ben yelped.

“No! It’s not something you want to see.”

The lights were on in the bathroom, lighting the scene like something out of a movie. The blood was everywhere. All over the tiles, swiped from when Hux had dragged himself from the door to the corner all the way to the far left, almost perfectly diagonal. His bloody handprints had left marks on the walls and white cupboards, from fumbling for supplies he probably couldn't find, trying to hold himself up. It was the stench that was overwhelming, the thick smell of blood, too intense… It was nauseating.

"Bran..." She said softly when she walked over to his huddled form.

He was pressed into the corner, knees pulled up and body slumped against the wall with the hood bunched in his neck and his hair sticking to his face, bloody and wet. His eyes were closed, the tiles under him were a deep red, the puddle reflecting the lights on the ceiling. She grit her teeth and knelt down, feeling warmth soak into the trousers she wore. She carefully tilted his head back a bit and felt for a pulse. Barely existent, wavering even...

"What did they do to you Bran?" She sniffed, carefully grabbing him by the shoulders so she could lay him on his back. "Unamo! Hurry up!"

There was a towel tucked against Hux’s stomach, a quick attempt to put pressure on a wound there. Unamo bashed the door in and joined her at Hux’s side.

"Shit." She whispered and knelt down besides Phasma. "Is he even alive?”

“Yeah… But only barely.”

“We need to get him back to the citadel, quick. I don't have the proper tools to fix anything like this on the spot."

Unamo tossed some sort of foldable stretcher to Phasma.

"I'm going to do what I can on the way back, but it won't be enough. He needs blood and a lot of it, especially if he is still bleeding out like this."

Phasma readied the stretcher and they carefully lay Hux on it. The stretcher was immediately soaked with the blood that clung to Hux’s clothes and body.

"Ben! Go to the van and open the back doors. We're coming out after you in a few." Phasma yelled, hoping it would prevent the boy from seeing Hux like this.

Ben sprinted downstairs to do as Phasma asked. In the meantime Unamo started to slow down the blood dribbling out of the wound Hux had attempted to staunch himself. As she managed to sort of plug it with part of the towel she slowly stood.

"Phasma, you drive. I have to stay in the back to monitor him as we head back.”

Phasma nodded as they both grabbed an end of the stretcher and got ready to get Hux into the van. They were both trained to handle these situations, so they managed to get down to the van without even a single hiccup. Unamo transferred Hux to the cot in the van and shut the doors with a slam. Ben had settled in the passenger-seat, looking like he was going to faint when Phasma joined him on the driver's side. He hadn’t come out to try and see. He wanted to, but he also really did not… He was not sure what it would be like, and maybe ignorance was better. Phasma was not a comforting sight either though. Even she was covered in blood, so then Hux would have to be worse. He let out a bit of a hic and tried not to start crying right there, did not want to sit there and make the girl uncomfortable.

"Is he going to be okay?" He asked when they drove off with the tires screeching.

Phasma looked at him and pursed her lips.

"I sincerely hope so." She said then. "I won't lie to you... It's really bad."

She speeded across the city, making other cars honk at their van and swerve a bit to make sure they wouldn't hit it. Ben might have been scared for his life if this had been your regular road-trip, but he was scared for Hux. He could not care about anything else… Nothing else mattered, nothing. It was a terrifying realization, how deep his affection ran. This wasn’t a crush… He was in love with Hux, and it was badly so too. When they did reach the Citadel again Phasma raced the car underground and stopped it in the middle of the garage, parking with just as little regard of efficiency as Unamo had earlier.

"There is a large room, six doors from here on your right, find a girl named Moira there and tell her we need her in the medical ward. Say it's a code black situation."

Ben nodded and ran as fast as his legs would allow. Phasma opened the doors again, horrified to see Unamo use compressions on Hux’s chest.

"Wh-"

"Seconds ago, he is slipping, there is just... So much blood Phasma." Unamo said, teeth grit. "I found at least six bullet-wounds, and that was the quick sweep. I know he is your friend… But I think you need to consider that he won’t live through the night."

She signalled for Phasma to bring up a gurney.

"We need Moira to do surgery on him... Right away."

Phasma bit her lip a bit as Unamo checked Hux’s pulse again.

"Alright, I think it’s okay for now. Help me transfer him."

They divided Hux’s weight between them and lay him on the gurney. The ceiling-lights made him look ghastly pale. Phasma waited for Unamo to kick the doors shut again and they set a quick jog to the medical wards. The doors of it were opened and waiting and a girl was waiting for them there. She looked twitchy. Her long blond hair was pinned up professionally, and she had already put on scrubs, but her green eyes were a bit too hard and sharp, nostrils flared. She was upset by the news.

"Quickly, lay him here." Moira said, voice clear and high.

Phasma nodded and helped Unamo heave Hux’s body over to the table. The smell of anaesthetics and surgical cleanness was almost a relief. Moira sighed and rolled up one of Hux’s sleeves, reaching blindly for a syringe that she had put down earlier when that boy had come running in. She didn't waste another second and emptied the dose of sedatives into his veins. As the small welt of red had not even fully welled up yet she had already pinned a second needle in Hux's arm to transfer the blood she had grabbed for him. Moira was in a rush, giving them a bit of a look as she hooked up the blood-bags to the rails above the table.

"I'm sorry, but you all have to leave. There's no time to waste, you are contaminating the room."

Unamo nodded and pulled Phasma and Ben with her as she left the room. The doors closed behind them, Moira immediately sealing them off before she turned on the red light above the doors, a warning that this room was occupied for surgery, something they had installed so they wouldn't try to carry some other wounded asset into a room that was already in use. It did not happen often, but it was not unheard of, and these little preventions made for a much better system. Moira had a small team of two others helping her out. It wasn’t nearly enough if you would compare it to hospital standards, but Moira knew what see was doing, and this was not actually a hospital.

"We should take a shower, all of us." Unamo said. "I know we all just want to wait here until they're done, but it's going to be a long operation. We would only sit in the way. Besides, walking in this is unnecessarily morbid."

Unamo put a hand on Ben’s shoulder as he just stared blankly, completely unaware of the present.

"Trust me, you don't want to sit here like this for hours. It’s only going to make it all feel so much worse. We will come back here later.”

Ben was shaking, hands, fingers, shoulders… Everything. He couldn’t shake the sight of his retinas. He hadn't seen Hux until just now, when they had brought him in. He hadn’t meant to look. He knew what Phasma had said, but he was holding the door open for them, and it just happened. Everything was wrong about the image he had caught. The paleness of his skin, the blood on his hands, face… Arms. The way his hair was wet and dark with his blood as well, making it the wrong shade of red. He put his hand over his mouth and sobbed. There had to be so much blood in his bathroom, in his house... Bran's blood, tainting everything. Unamo sighed a bit and knelt to his level.

"Hey... Don't do that." She said softly. "It won't help you to let your mind drift to all these terrible things. There is no need for that."

She grabbed Ben's wrist and made sure he looked at her.

"Just come with me, we'll get you to a shower... Get you some clothes to wear too. It will make you feel better."

Ben sniffed and shook his head.

"There are clothes of mine in Bran's room." He said weakly.

Unamo nodded.

"Okay... I will get those for you then. Just... Stay calm, try not to think about it. It will all be okay."

Ben looked up to see Phasma try to wipe Bran's blood from her hands, blinking her eyes furiously.

"How could those beasts do that to him?" She hissed. "He is barely an adult."

Unamo sighed.

"He was hooded, they wouldn't be able to see how old he was." She reasoned. "It's what we all know we sign up for."

Phasma shook her head furiously.

"I'm not going to let this slide." She clenched her fist. "I'll pay them back."

Unamo sighed. She knew how these two felt, both of them. Hux was dear to them. She felt the same way, maybe not as heavily, but still. Hux was always good to talk to, he was smart and loyal… One of the best novices she had commanded. He was almost a brother to her, a younger brother… Who looked up to her. She had never really managed to shake that feeling.

"Come on." She said. “There is no use in lingering here.”


	8. A boy that cries and a desperate hoax

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, the universe does not like me to keep this deadline... I'm sorry guys, this time I am only a little on the late side, but still. You can all thank my school for that for fucking me over heeeeeuuuuuuyyyy... Well, I do hope you guys are all still happily reading this fic :) Thank you for reading!!

Unamo led the way, taking them all away from the glum hallway to the surgery-rooms. She pulled Ben along a bit, he was still reluctant to leave the place behind, Bran was there- He needed Ben. Phasma followed, she needed to get all this blood off of her.

"Let's first wait for Bran, before making radical decisions." Unamo said softly. “It is officially his mission, and he might have vital information.”

She agreed with Phasma to meet again at the bottom of the stairs when they were done. They both knew none of them would get any sleep before knowing the outcome, so they might as well wait it out together. When Phasma promised she’d be there and wait, Unamo walked Ben up the stairs and to the showers.

"I'll get your clothes. Take your time. I'll take another cabin to shower when I get back."

Ben nodded and shuffled into the bathroom. It was simple, nice and private with the different cubicles that ran from floor to ceiling, polished white walls. Phasma disappeared in the first she saw, and Ben simply picked a random one somewhere at the end. The white door fell back in place behind him. There was a small space to leave clothes and a towel, separated from the shower with a glass door. As he undressed he still couldn't get the image out of his head. It wasn't right... Bran shouldn't look like that. He should look like the invincible creature that Ben had seen on day one, when he killed the lawyers in the office below his house... Or like he had looked when he had snoozed on Ben's couch, everything about him soft and warm. Not that, not that- other thing... If Bran wouldn't survive, then the last image Ben would ever know was of that bloody mess... Or worse, he could see him dead... Skin too pale, too cold, even his hair wouldn't look bright enough when he would be dead. Ben cried under the shower, trying not to make any sound as he did.

He wanted his mother... Wanted to lie to her about how Aaron was in an accident, simply to have her support... He cringed then. She could return from her business-trip in the morning... And she would find their house all bloody, doors open and things fallen over, Ben would be gone. He sniffed hard, wiping at his nose furiously as it started running a bit. Had she seen the news broadcast? She would  know that Aaron was not Aaron, but Elan, she might think Ben was sick with grief from losing his boyfriend in a car-crash... And the house would be smeared in blood, she would worry. He needed to call her, tell her something at least, even if it was a lie of some sort, to explain the blood, his absence, and to have her love... Her support, saying that it would be okay...

Unamo stalked off to Hux's room when Ben was quiet and looked around before she opened the closet. She saw immediately which clothes belonged to Ben. No offense to Ben of course, but it wasn't really Hux's style, the baggy sweater and jeans were too cheap and grouchy. She grabbed the clothes and some towels from the washing room. After closing the door of that room behind her she walked back to the showers. She placed the clothes for Ben in front of the cabin he was using and stepped in the one next to it and let the water run. She let the water fall over her head as she leaned against the wall. On days like these she felt older… Phasma was three years younger than her, and her height and bulk often made her seem older… But the boys, they were children. Children did not belong in this. She said it to Thrawn often that their novices were too young in the field, their officers too. They were losing them too young now, it was something she couldn’t watch. It was good to be out of that hallway though, better than looking at a sign of doors opening, waiting and doing nothing but hear minutes tick by. It wasn't something new for them, the close brushes with death. Officers were brought in like that now and then, but this was getting too close to home. If Hux did not make it through the surgery, he would be their youngest loss yet.

Unamo washed herself clean expertly, scrubbing the blood from her arms and hands, scrubbing it from under her fingernails even. After she was done she turned off the shower and grabbed her towel. She dried herself and put on some clean clothes. She was fond of bland tones, standing out was not something she was comfortable with. The simple black of a turtle-neck sweater and dark jeans were all she needed. All dressed and sharp again she stepped out of the bathroom and waited for the others to join her. Phasma was soon to follow, pulling her hair back as she straightened her jacket. She was not often in street-clothes, it was usually a more casual set-up of her uniform or her clothes for the Academy. But today this felt best, both other options did not seem right, not now at least. Unamo smiled gently at her as she excused herself to report to Thrawn. Their leader had yet to be informed about what had happened after all. Ben also excused himself when he came out however, calling his mother once he was in Hux's room. He had considered going elsewhere, so that he would not intrude, but it was the best option. He sniffed a bit, deciding that he would tell her some things, not all things. He just needed to be careful with what he did share… Bran had said he was not good at lying after all. When she picked up she sounded equally worried and tired. It was 2 AM by now after all.

"Honey... What is it? It's really late." Leia said tiredly.

Ben sobbed a bit.

"It's Aaron..." He said with his weak voice.

"What about him baby?" His mother prodded. "Did something bad happen between you two?"

Ben let out another sob, tears running down his face.

"Did you break up?"

"No... He... I-"

Ben paused a bit to make sure he could get more than one word out.

"He told me his name isn't Aaron... It's Elan actually... But he prefers Bran because- He hates Elan." He rambled. "He is the youngest son of senator Hux."

His mother hummed a bit, still sounding a bit tired.

"And were you upset about that?"

"No! I understood why he didn't tell me! But- Did you see the news?"

He heard her gasp then.

"Oh darling... The senator- Of course... Was he-"

"No. He wasn't in the car... But they found him and he- He came to our house and there was so much blood! I don't want him to die."

He sobbed then, worse than before… This one was ugly and loud.

"I love him mom... I really love him and I haven't said it to him yet and they shot him! They shot him like eight times and the blood was just everywhere when I found him and I'm so afraid..."

"Oh, honey."

Leia sounded abhorred, confused. How could she not be? She had met Hux, she knew he was young and gentle… And what Ben had seen was violent and cruel. It was wrong.

"I know you're afraid darling, but everything will be alright. I’m sure Aar- Elan will know how much you care for him. He will be okay."

Ben let his tears fall freely. It felt good to talk to his mom. She was reassuring him, giving him all the love he needed, telling him what he wanted to hear. It was everything he needed now… Well that and hearing that Bran pulled through- He needed that too, more than air.

"Where are you now?" His mother asked.

Ben bit his lip, he couldn't exactly tell her where he really was.

"With Bran.” He said instead. “But he still in surgery and I don't know how long it will take. He's in there for an hour now… But it feels too long. I can’t stand it mom."

More reassuring words came from his mother. She promised she would be on the next flight home to be there for him. Ben thanked her, aired his heart and let her talk comfort to him until he finally stopped crying. By the time he had hung up he felt a bit better, but the image of Brain was still clear in his mind. He would probably not lose that image until he would see his Bran alive and well. Ben left the room behind and went to find Unamo as promised earlier. Unamo more or less found him in the end though, taking him to the mess hall to get a bit of food. They could all use it for the sake of some comfort. Phasma was waiting there too, already seated at one of the tables. She only shortly looked up as they sat with her, greeting them meekly and then looking across the empty hall wearily as she took out her phone.

"There is something you guys need to hear." She said when she was sure that they sat alone.

It was the very middle of the night, so it was quiet and deserted here, but she wanted to be sure.

"It didn't arrive until just now, must have been sent in a bad connection, or maybe I missed it- It just—You really need to listen to it." She murmured.

Ben frowned until she put the speakers up. It was a recording, a voice-mail more specifically.

"Phasma..." Hux's voice hissed. "I do hope you get this in time... It's worse than we thought."

Ben could hear that Bran was running when he made that call.

"These guys aren't just mercenaries like we assumed. They are First Order officers... The associate I talked to you about - The one that Snoke had with him when he met with Markins-  It’s Thrawn! The Order itself is dirty, he’s been using our assets to aide Snoke for weeks already!"

Ben flinched when the speakers crackled with a gunshot, making Hux cry out in pain and curse as he was apparently hit by a bullet.

"Whatever happens, we need to make sure that Thrawn does not know that we know. We can only hope to beat him at his own game. Fuck- If we live that far at least. Be careful okay?"

The recording ended rather abruptly and left them in the silence of this deserted hall, it had suddenly turned oppressive, this silence… They all sort of stared at the phone, even as it locked itself again after a while.

"Thrawn is dirty..." Unamo murmured, abhorred. "We need to get Bran out of here."

Phasma shook her head.

"No. Bran was right. Thrawn cannot know that we found out. When I met with him to show that Bran survived the crash he looked taken aback, surprised, so he set up this second plan. It all proves that he only has a few of ours that know about Snoke. As long as Bran is here he cannot let anything happen to him because it would immediately look suspicious. We are all trained to pick up on things that are just not right. He cannot act right under our noses, someone would smell trouble soon enough. However, he will find something- So we need to get him to a safe place… Without alerting Thrawn about it."

Ben bit his lip.

"And this Moira girl... Any chance that she is-"

"Moira? None at all. She's Bran's cousin. She wouldn't go against him for the world, she baby-sat him when he was still little. No, if Bran- Dies... In there, it's because of his injuries, not because of her."

Ben bit his lip. All that talk about Hux dying didn't make his own fear any more manageable. He tried to keep himself big and strong, but inside he started to feel more and more like he was a child again… Too young and un-callous to stand the harsher world. Ben could only imagine how shocked Hux must have been to find out that the Order, the one place where he felt like himself rather than his father’s masterplan, betrayed him. It couldn't end like this, the bad guys never won, so if Hux died… It wouldn’t be right. They could not win- It could not work like that.

"Whatever happens we need to be the first ones to see Bran after the surgery is done. We don't know who is in on it, and if they are going to plan something if Bran gets out alive, we need to be ahead of them." Unamo whispered, even though there was no one around.

"What if we don't let him get out alive?" Ben asked, staring at the others like he had just had the revelation of a life-time. “They cannot kill him if he is dead.”

Unamo looked at Ben with wide eyes, Phasma stared like he had grown a second head. What did the boy just say? A mercy-kill? Hux wasn’t a goddamn dog you could put down.

"No, wait… Hear me out. What if he's alive, but everyone thinks he died in surgery. They wouldn’t try to hurt or kill him if they think the threat is already gone."

"Like, faking his death?" Unamo asked

Ben nodded.

“I mean- It’s not unlikely… We all saw him, how he looked when we brought him in here. I don’t think people would question him dying from it.”

They could get Bran out of here without raising suspicion. Phasma frowned a bit as she thought about it.

"That might actually work, but we need Moira to help us do that. We need her to make sure Bran would even survive pulling such a hoax."

Unamo nodded and tapped on the table nervously. It was a logistical nightmare to properly pull this off though. It offered them a chance to make Hux seem dead and dealt with, but it was not as simple as simply announcing his death. Thrawn would be looking for verification of the truth of it. First Hux would have to even survive the surgery, then they would need to talk to Moira to make sure that it looked like Hux hadn't survived... If that was arranged they would need to make sure that he would survive the burial they held for the dead officers, get him out again afterwards and find a place where they could take him to heal and recover. Ben's house wouldn't do for the longer period of time. Besides, they needed someplace bigger to gather more of the First Order’s clean officers to help them bring down Thrawn. It would be one hell of a trick to pull off, but it would be the ultimate blindside attack, when they could finally strike back. Especially with Hux's added influence as Senator, it could take out Thrawn and block Snoke’s claim to Emperor too. They could do it... They had to.

"Ben... You go to Moira, we would look suspicious if we go in there before Moira is done... You however... Not so much. You explain to her what we know, what we want, and you ask her precisely what she needs us to do and arrange. Can you do that?" Unamo instructed.

Ben nodded a bit. It had been at least two hours now since Hux was brought to Moira… Would that mean they were almost done? He had no idea how long such a thing would take. Nervously Ben stopped in front of the medical ward. The sign was still burning brightly, glaring red as if it dared him to even set one step inside. He didn't want to go in, scared to see what was happening behind that door. He slowly breathed out and stepped in anyway, pushing the doors open and taking one big step to come in. The smell of blood was overwhelming, hitting him like a wall. He could see Moira's form still working on the body on the table. He only recognized her by the fact that she was the only girl in here. She looked indiscernible in those scrubs in all other regards. Ben scraped his throat a bit, not looking at the table, however much of an effort that took.

"Who is it? Can't you see were still in surgery?"

Moira sounded annoyed that someone would come in when she was busy. It was not exactly sterile after all if those doors opened while they were busy.

"It's me, Ben. It uh… It’s very important."

Moira didn't look up from her work.

"Talk." Was the only thing she said, tilting her head towards him a bit.

Ben told her everything, about the phone call, their suspicions, the truth and the plan they had come up with just now. Moira hadn’t paused, kept working as Ben told her everything that they had uncovered. Moira’s assistants did not halt either, Ben felt ignored. When he was done speaking Moira let out a heavy sigh.  

"It's possible, but it has a high risk to it." She answered. "If he pulls through this he will at least need some recovery time. A week ideally I would say, but I guess we don't have that time."

Moira sighed again, wiping her elbow across her forehead a bit. "The hardest part is, when his body has to survive without oxygen. They bury the officers in caskets, and that means he will be in a box without air. It depends on how quick we can act if it's going to be successful, if he runs out of air he is done for immediately- That is, if he is not depending on life-support in the first place."

Ben nodded and sniffed a bit, swallowing away the coiling feeling in his gut as well as he could.

"How is he holding up?" He asked then.

"It's hard to fix all of it... I have good hopes though, he hasn’t crashed since you brought him in… That is a very good sign. Besides, Bran is a resilient piece of shit."

She smiled a bit.

"Make sure that Unamo and Phasma prepare something that makes sure Bran can breathe inside the coffin." She murmured. "And he needs to get medication administered that will slow his heartbeat enough to seem dead, which is dangerous in this state. So the dosage needs to be small but constant in order to pose the smallest risk."

She sighed again as she seemed to consider all the hazards this plan brought along with it.

"Alright... I can do it. I will make it work. Just... Tell Unamo that she needs to make sure that the coffin has a false bottom to stash what we need to keep him alive, but seemingly dead. I need it to be at least ten inches of empty space high, preferably more."

Ben nodded again and crossed his arms a bit, plucking at the sleeves of his sweater as the sound of tools prodding in flesh started to make him feel sick.

"Anything else?"

"Uh... A get-away van would be nice, and a place to go. It would need to be a high-end location with proper resources, clean and stable. He will be incredibly vulnerable to infection and sickness."

Moira changed tools once again and looked at Ben.

"I will call for the three of you when I am done... I will try to get Bran to wake up to share some plans, depending on his state. You get the rest arranged.... Hurry though, okay?"

Ben nodded again and turned around, thankful that he could leave. This had to work, they had set it in motion- So it would all be okay now... He went to find Phasma and Unamo immediately. They were still waiting for him at the same spot he had left them behind, silently talking through some plans. Ben sat down and told them everything Moira had asked for, urging that they had been told to hurry.

"Alright I'll try to get all those things. As a higher ranking officer it won’t be questioned if I make reservations on transport or materials"

Unamo stood. She didn't know how much time she had to prepare, a few minutes, an hour. It was impossible to tell, she would just have to hurry along. Ben stayed with Phasma as they waited for the phone call from Moira. It took at least another two hours before it came. Ben had fallen asleep on the table, draped over it a bit, cushioning his head on one arm. He startled at the sound of the ringtone ripping apart the silence. When the phone finally rang Phasma almost jumped to catch the it on the first ring.

"Yes?!" She asked.

"He's alive." Moira said. "I dug out the bullets and closed most wounds..."

A pause.

"But he could still die in executing our little scheme." She said then, honest. "His state is still critical, very fragile... The drugs I need to give him to stage his death will be very dangerous to this balance he is in. He could stop breathing or his heart could give out-"

Once again there was a moment of silence.

"Just come over here. I much rather have you here to talk to."

Phasma signed for Ben to get up.

"I'll try to wake Bran up so that you can talk for a moment. Keep it short though."

Phasma gave her affirmative and stood.

“We’re going to go see him now. He is alive.”

Ben swallowed and started to try and calm himself down. He needed to keep his cool if he was going to see Hux. Phasma basically dragged him along, stomping like a bull. She seemed eager to see Bran, maybe she thought it would be safest if they moved fast... She was probably right too. Ben was just not sure if it would haunt him. He did not want to be haunted by the face he loved. When they reached the medical ward Ben was almost crying again.

"You don't have to see him if you do not want to." Phasma said to him. "It's okay, he would understand."

Ben shook his head.

"No. He needs me." He murmured. "I promised I'd always be there."

Phasma smiled a bit and opened the door of the medical ward. It no longer smelled of blood here, the smell of disinfectants was strong though. Moira was standing next to a bed that had not been there before. That was at least somewhat better than the table, Ben decided. She looked up when she heard the door open, and smiled thinly when she stepped aside a bit.

"Don't make it too long. It's best for him if he is not awake while he recovers. It will heal the faster when he sleeps."

She injected some kind of fluid into Hux's arm.

"This will wake him up momentarily, the dose will last him about ten minutes. I gave him as many sedatives as possible to dull the pain, but he'll probably not be very sharp because of them."

Ben licked his lips as he stepped closer. Hux looked bad, his skin way to pale, eyes hollow in his face. His torso was covered in bandages, even his face hadn't come out unscathed. Ben stayed still, hands clasped around the frame of the bed as he waited. It didn't take long before Hux began to whimper. He was waking up and despite the painkillers it still had to be quite unpleasant. Slowly his eyes began to open. His breathing was still ragged and his eyes didn't look clear either, but he was still alive. Carefully Ben grabbed Hux's hand to let him know he was not alone. His knuckles were scraped and raw, so Ben softly rubbed over them with his thumb.

"Mmnnnmmm... Ben..."

Ben smiled and nodded.

"Yeah... Right here." He murmured.

Hux groaned again, clearly struggling for air.

"Thrawn..." He said to Phasma.

"I got the message." She assured him. "It came in late, but we heard it."

She smiled a little and sighed.

"Look at you though... You look like hell."

Hux let out a tired snort and shook his head.

"Imagine how I feel."

Ben smiled thinly and looked at Moira.

"What happened to his face?" He asked when he tried to make sense of the bandage that took up a lot of Bran's forehead.

"Someone slammed him into a wall, it's not that bad, but it's a nasty cut, deep enough that it could infect, so it’s just to be sure really."

Hux grimaced a bit.

"No offense though... But why the hell am I awake?"

Phasma sighed then, rubbing at her elbows. Ben could tell the situation did not sit well with her at all.  

"We're going to fake your death." She said. "It's the best way to play Thrawn. We do still need a place to go, we hoped you had a good idea."

Hux hummed.

"My house." He murmured then. "Without my father and brother... It would just be mom... She would... She would accept it."

Phasma swallowed a bit, knowing that Hux’s mother was the only one in the family he cared for. She did not want him to lose that bond too.

"You sure?"

Hux hummed.

"She loves me. I trust her."

He whined a bit as a pang of pain made it even through his medication.

"Are we sure this will work though? I mean... I feel like I'm about to keel over already."

"It's going to work. It has to." Ben said fiercely. “You just need to hang on with all you got, we do the rest.”

Ben tightened his grip around Hux's hand. Hux smiled lightly at his face, at his antics.

"Alright. I trust you guys. Let's go with your plan."

"There are risks though."

Moira wanted him to know what he was facing.

"If something goes wrong-"

Hux shook his head, but regretted it immediately, it made him feel like he was being shaken by both shoulders.

"It's going to be okay. They'll make it in time."

He let out another pained huff.

“Please just let me sleep though… I really, really do not feel good.”

The shot Moira had given Hux was starting to wear off soon enough though, Ben soothing him through the last few minutes as Phasma quietly talked to Moira about the things she needed to stash in the coffin. Ben smiled and softly kissed Hux’s cheek when he had fallen asleep again. He was afraid, no doubt about that. Hux looked horrible, stretched thin. Ben wanted to make it better, but he did not know how. There was nothing that he could do. Hux would have to heal, in a safe place, nothing else would do. They left to find Unamo, she immediately notified them that she had made sure all preparations were in order, they could set the whole thing in motion. Ben didn't like it... But he couldn't come up with anything better, besides, he was the one that thought of this in the first place. Moira gave Hux another drug, that would slow his heartbeat enough to make him seem dead, and Phasma went to fetch Thrawn. She knocked on the door of his room and mustered everything she could to look miserable from the loss she was faking, she just relied on the absolute dread she had felt at seeing poor Bran in the state he was in. They were really doing this now…


	9. An empty casket and a mother in tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least the hoax goes in motion.... OOooOOooOOOoooohhhh so exciting :p I am working on a new batch of art for the fic at the moment. If you haven't seen the first batch it's here http://elan-brendol.tumblr.com/post/145610369290/epselion-ive-been-putting-up-snippets-of-this Those are all sketches of baby Hux, the next batch will be more miscelaneous sketches, but it will have Ben's design too at least. Hope to see you all back for chapter 10 next week :D Please comment!!

"Come in."

Phasma let her nostrils flare as Thrawn said it, it was up to her to sell it to him, with her the whole plan could fail. She stepped in, squaring her shoulders, yet her eyes were flicking around the room nervously. She did her best to find a momentum between distress and looking strong. She hated to make herself imagine that Bran was actually dead, gone. She wiped her cheek a bit and looked their leader in the face. She knew how formidable this man had once been. He was the spill of the First Order, the founder… The first. How could a man like this fall for Snoke’s schemes? It went against everything this whole organization stood for.

 "Ah, Phasma. Good to see you, I had just planned to come around myself. How is our young officer?"

She scraped her throat a bit, shaking her head.

"Moira has just notified us that he passed away in the process of surgery... Sir." She said, reading his expression when the words left her mouth.

There was no sign of relief on the man's face, but somehow she thought she saw it. He just pursed his lips a bit, mouth drawing downwards at the corners as he cast his head down. It resembled regret rather than relief if anything.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded a bit.

"She did her best... But the blood-loss must have been too excessive, she couldn’t work fast enough to keep him alive. She sends her apologies."

Thrawn sighed out, righting his back and waving his hand.

"It is not the poor girl’s fault… I am sure she has done all she could. Start preparations for the funeral immediately."

Phasma nodded and walked out of the room, letting it fall back in place with a soft click. Usually they buried their fallen soldiers as fast as possible, but this fast was unusual... There was usually a time where the others in the Order were given a chance to say goodbye to their fallen friend. Apparently not this time. Thrawn wanted to have closure fast as possible then, so he could focus on whatever he was planning. She grit her teeth and supressed her urge to knock something over or break a chair to channel her rage against their superior. Instead Phasma walked back to Ben and Unamo. By now they had gathered in Unamo’s room, which was bigger than Hux’s or Phasma’s. It offered a bit more privacy to talk after all.

"He said as fast as possible."

Unamo frowned at that, but said nothing about it. She just crossed her arms and looked at Ben shortly to see if he would get upset with the notion.

"We can start immediately. Everything is prepared. It only depends on how far Moira is with preparing dosages and such."

Ben felt nervous suddenly. They were going to do this already, right now… It felt like it was way too soon. He wanted to watch Hux some more, hold him some more, before this was going down. He just wanted to take in everything when he was alive, in case it was the last he would get. They were petty nonsense desires of course. Here he was, thinking of such selfish little things while the others did what they had to do in order to save lives and fight away the corrupted mess in their organization. The First Order had to survive this, just as much as Hux had to survive it. It was for the sake of their future, their goals. Ben helped as they prepared for their deception. The preparations had been done well, Ben couldn't see a trace from the false bottom that Unamo had arranged for. Moira had taken off the bandages that were visible, knowing they would raise questions. When they went to pick Hux up he was in his uniform. Luckily, Hux's garb hid the crucial bandages, a small blessing. Ben sighed as he gently touched the exposed gash on Hux's forehead. He did not want to step aside when Phasma asked him to, but he shuffled away and let her take him to that wooden box, Moira and Unamo trailing after her with the different medications and tubing they would need to keep Hux drugged and alive. Ben did not come with them, could not bring himself too. Besides, Unamo had asked if he would please stay in her room for now, she did not want Thrawn to see him there… Notice him. He did as asked, but when he sat down on the bed again he felt sick to the core.

"Jesus Bran... This is just not right." He murmured as Phasma and Unamo had left to make sure their getaway was all set too. “I don’t want things to be like this…”

In the meantime Phasma had set Hux up in the coffin they had made, ready to be put in the ground. She knew that this was a hoax, nothing but a trick, but it was pinching her air-pipe to have to see him in that wooden box. He did look dead in this light, very much so. Moira had arranged for his uniform to be washed in the hours that she had been taking care of all the wounds. It would prevent infection at least, but the bullet holes and rips from fighting were still in it, and that was not helping the image. Phasma wiped at her eyes and stood up straight when Thrawn suddenly entered the room. She immediately shot up to stand and stepped away as the man came to look at Hux. She wanted to punch this man, rattle his body and ask him if he knew what he had done. Instead she just wiped at her eyes again and again and swallowed back any insult or rage that she might let out.

"Such a waste." Thrawn lamented. "He would have been a great one. Hux was driven, clever... Even as a novice he had a potential that exceeded some of the officers. I suppose he would have made it to General at some point, maybe even hold my position as successor if he did well enough."

He gestured at the coffin, placing his hand on the edge of it as he studied Hux closer.

"But we all play the same game in this life, until it ends with one bullet too many."

He turned to look at Phasma then.

"You could avenge him. We can train you to a higher rank."

Phasma looked up and shook her head, trying not to look disgusted.

"No... I- I think I need some time first. To process this."

Thrawn just shrugged. He did seem to understand her. Phasma was surprised to see how grave he looked as he finally stepped away. It was as if he was sad, remorseful, for Hux’s death.

"I will leave you to mourn alone for these few minutes. These last moment are precious."

He turned and walked away. Phasma watched him leave with a bitter smile on her face. Did he just come here to check for himself that Hux had died? And then he dared to speak to her about loss and revenge… Sickening. Phasma grit her teeth while she looked towards the door Thrawn had just disappeared behind. Then she turned his attention back to Hux. Unamo, Ben and Moira came walking in not too long after Thrawn had left.

"It's time." Unamo announced glumly. “The Order has gathered and Thrawn just arrived. We have to do it now.”

Moira checked Hux over one final time, making sure the needles weren’t slipping out of his skin, or the tubes pinched off. She made sure that he was still stable and then gave Unamo a nod that she could nail the coffin shut. Ben cried when they did, feeling this terrible fear that Hux would never come out again. Phasma held onto his shoulder and mumbled that he would be right out of it again. It would be a few minutes, no more. Ben tried to focus on that, tried to imagine holding him close again after they'd made their escape. He did not attend the actual funeral. It was for members of the Order only, and he did not think that he could even stomach it for that matter. It took about an hour, and then Hux was gone, under five feet or so of dirt. Unamo told him not to show himself while they waited to leave, so he did not visit the fresh grave either. Ben worried if the oxygen they had given him would be enough, if it might have leaked out for some obscure reason. It all made him sick with worry. The waiting took so long too, it felt like minutes passed as slow as hours. They waited until it was well after sun-down, a quiet hour for the citadel.

They moved carefully, double-checking and even triple-checking if they weren’t watched. Phasma was on the lookout as Unamo and Ben dug out the fresh dirt again. It was horrible work, but eventually they cleared the coffin again. They worked under low lights to make sure nobody would see them there if they happened to pass the grave-sites. Ben was tense as they took Hux out, but he was still breathing, still alive. There was no time for relief or laughs. They had to keep moving, hurry and keep at it. Ben was told to re-bury the empty casket as Phasma and Unamo took Hux to the van to let Moira check him over for transport. They told him that if he would be caught in the act he could play it off as theft, with the dirt and sloppy sweater it wasn’t hard to pass himself off as a homeless kid after all. He was still careful though, it was a back-up plan after all that he did not want to use. Ben moved as fast as he could to restore the grave and then ran to the garage, unnoticed.  Phasma was there too, she had cleared her supplies and those of Hux and Unamo too. Moira would stay here, be their inside-girl. It would draw a little too much attention if she left too. Phasma had asked for leave for her and Unamo to process the loss, but Moira was needed in the Citadel, she was their best nurse. Ben climbed in the passenger-side of the van when she waved them off and then they left, flooring the gas as they sped out of the Citadel.

He couldn't believe the plan had worked. He laughed a bit, nervous and yet elated. They were out, they had done it. Nothing had happened on their way out. Nobody tried to stop them from leaving, no bullets went flying. They only halted at the garage-port to give their permission slip for the van away and then they were out, gone and free. Phasma was driving with Ben sitting next to her, she was grinning too, equally relieved. Unamo was in the back monitoring Hux, much like they had on the way to the Citadel. Before leaving Moira had given Hux something to restore his heartrate back to normal and to counter-act the other drugs that had kept him near-dead. Unamo had rewrapped the visible wounds and checked the other ones as they drove… It was done- They had done it. They were heading towards Hux's home. Ben wondered about that… What kind of a place it would be, how his mother would be, what she would think if she saw them coming in like that. Would Hux look like her? He wondered about that. Hux did not have a lot in common with his father's face from what he had seen on the pictures. Everything would be fine though, Ben was sure about it. Hux would have enough time to restore to full health in the safety of his home. Driving to the house took about fifteen minutes and Phasma turned onto the driveway of a very large house. Ben stared a bit at the size of the place. This was a mansion. Hux had grown up here? It was massive… But it also had a sort of glum look to it… It wasn’t the kind of place that children had fun growing up in. Phasma sighed and patted Ben's shoulder. She parked the car and smiled at him.

"Well, this is where Bran lives… You ever been here before?”

Ben shook his head and looked at the door when it opened, he could see there was a woman standing in the doorway, even if she was keeping back a bit.

“Stay here, I need to go talk to her." Phasma mumbled.

Ben nodded and watched her go. Phasma sighed and straightened her clothes when she closed the car-door, smiling at Hux’s mother. She looked haggard, devastated even. It was to be expected of course, she had lost almost her entire family… And now Phasma would have to tell her that her surviving child was nearly murdered as well.

"Oh, Norida... Hello." Elana said, clearly surprised to see her.

"Mrs. Hux."

Phasma smiled.

"I uh... I'm afraid there is a lot to tell and explain... But, we need to see after Bran first, is there a room here where he could be... Hospitalized?"

Elana's eyes grew wide at the mention of that word.

"W-what? What happened to my boy? He was fine when he called earlier."

Phasma could see her reeling, immediately sickened with worry. Softly she grabbed Elana’s hands.

"Hey, I- I know what you have been through- I know, but we need to get Bran in a bed first. Then I'll explain everything I promise. He needs you to hold it together okay?"

Elana looked into her eyes and straightened a bit.

"A-alright, yes. There are plenty of rooms. Uh… The room where his grandfather stayed the last years… That is probably the best option."

Phasma nodded and went back to the van to get the others. Carefully Phasma and Unamo carried Hux out to transfer him to the room his mother had mentioned earlier. Hux's mother was crying when she saw the state her son was in. She had probably expected that he had maybe broken a leg or an arm… Something minor- Something like she had seen when Emille had hurt him. She could not have expected this.

"Oh, my boy." She whispered, full of horror. “What the hell happened?”

Ben followed them, staying behind a little as he walked in. He didn't want to intrude and at the same time he wanted to know Bran’s life, this was where he grew up, where he lived. He did look a lot like his mother... Ben realized. The red hair came from her genes, and some of the features in his face too, the mouth especially… He trailed after them as Elana pointed them to the guest room on the bottom-floor that had apparently housed Hux’s grandfather once. It wasn't used in a long time, but their maid kept the house clean, and this room would be easy to access for all of them… Best of all, it was fitted to fulfil medical functions as well. Ben could see that Hux's mother was trying to make sense of what had happened in the few hours since she had talked to her son. She was wondering about his clothes no doubt, about the black get-up and the protective layers he wore under them. She might be trying to make sense of the emblem on the sleeve or the presence of the weapons. However, Ben figured that above that she must be asking herself what in hell's name had happened to him. Her CHILD, shot to an inch of his life… This wasn’t what an attempted assassination looked like, this was cruelty… A fight for life and death where Hux had nearly drawn the shortest straw. Unamo turned to Ben and called him over.

"Ben and I can take it from here, we'll see to his wounds... You... You tell her." She said to Phasma.

Phasma nodded and guided Hux's mother out the door, closing it behind them.

"What did they do to him?" Elana asked, her voice thick with horror. "What happened?"

Phasma sighed and took off her jacket. She wasn’t good at this sort of stuff. She had lied to Hux’s parents for years about this very thing.  

"You should sit down first." She said, walking Hux’s mother to the lounge-room.

Elana sat down on one of the chairs, the one she always sat down on when her husband had her meetings here. Phasma joined her there and awkwardly offered her a tissue.

"It's going to be hard to believe what I'm going to tell you now." Phasma started her explanation. “But it goes back seven years… When Hux was 11 and I saw him climbing through a window of the Academy library to return a book.”

She began at the beginning when she first convinced Hux to come with her to the First Order. She told her how she had taught him the first blows of combat and how she had been so impressed what a damn good climber he had been from the start. She told her about the first times he had wielded weapons and how he had learned to make them his own as time passed. She explained the ideals of the Order, their methods… And she even told her how Hux had sustained these wounds. Elana listened, never interrupting Phasma as she talked. When she had gotten to the point of what happened that day she took a deep breath, knowing what the girl was going to say now… What she would be hearing. Phasma tried not to explain everything in too much detail, but summarized what had happened. Hux's mother was tearing up when she heard what those monsters had done to her son, knowing fully well that he was a child, that he was one of that organization Phasma had talked about.

"I'm sorry you had to find out about it this way."

Phasma looked down at her boots by now, waiting for Elana to take in what she had heard.

"It sounds like the story of some other boy… Someone that couldn’t possibly be my son, but somehow after Elan had his clash with E-Emille..."

She bit her lip when she said her lost son’s name.

"... it seems possible that-"

She took a deep breath, trying to still her shaking hands and equally unsteady voice.

"First though, let's make sure he's going to be alright. I’m sure he will catch you up on his parts of the story."

They stood and walked back to the bedroom where they had left Hux earlier that night.

"One more question though..." Elana said when she rested her hand on the door-knob. "Who are the other two?"

Phasma smiled a bit, expecting the question already

"Unamo is with the Order like us, she was training us for a while when we were still novices... She is our friend and she has helped us a lot."

She then shrugged a bit, unsure if the second revelation was really hers to make.

"And Bran said that Ben is his uh... Boyfriend."

She studied Elana's face for a reaction, but the woman simply sighed, hanging her head a bit.

"I did wish so often that his father was milder to him... Elan stopped telling me things when he grew up. I started to lose him… I could tell. He didn’t tell me about girls, boys… Friends… Nor about his griefs and pains." She huffed. “The time that Emille shot him with my husband’s air-rifle he kept it from me for five days… He was crying in the bathroom and he felt like he couldn’t even tell me he was in pain.”

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and shook her head.

"I have never wanted for him to be anything but happy... But well, who am I?"

Phasma crossed her arms a bit.

"You are his mother. Bran loves you. He did talk to me about telling you, often even... He trusted you not to judge him, but he always came back on it because he was so… SO afraid of his father."

Phasma snorted then and shook her head.

"Bran always said that you were the only sane family he had. He used to joke that Emille and his father were like apes."

Elana smiled and opened the door, checking inside to see if she might be interrupting. The clothes her son had been wearing when the others brought him in were folded and he was under the covers of the bed, arms along his sides on top of the sheets. There were a lot of bandages, even on the skin that she could see. Someone had tried... Really tried to kill her boy. Shot him, cut him, tried to slam his head in a wall. She looked at Ben, holding her son's hand as Unamo cleaned up the supplies she had used to redress the wounds. The boy was younger than her son, she could tell that much. He had been dirty when they came in, but he was cleaned up now, wearing the clothes he had borrowed to Hux on the very first day that Hux had stayed at the apartment. Ben thought they looked much better on Hux than on him, but his sweater and jeans were dirty from the grave-digging. Bran needed cleanness around him. He would get sick easily, Moira had said…

"Do you love him?" Hux’s mother asked. "Do you love Elan?"

Ben’s head shot up and looked at her before nodding.

"Yes, ma'am. I do, very much."

Elana smiled lightly when she saw that the boy’s answer was genuine and honest. She was glad her son had found someone to hold and love. He would need it, especially now. She already began to like him a bit for that very reason. That boy had seen him through this mess already, knew about his  hardships and still stuck with him… Sat right there holding his hand.

"Well, it's nice meeting you then Ben. Please take care of my son… He will need you."

Ben nodded quickly.

"Yes, I'll do that, always. I promised."

Elana smiled again. It was exactly the distraction she would need from her son’s state; something positive to lighten up the upcoming days. She vowed to restore what had broken between her and Elan. He would need her, and she would be there… Make him feel safe again. She sighed and pursed her lips.

"I'll go make you guys some tea and a bite to eat, something tells me you haven’t had a proper meal yet."

She turned around and left them to talk among themselves for a moment. Ben sighed and leaned back. Meeting family was pretty nerve wrecking under such circumstances, but Bran’s mother seemed very nice. Ben wouldn’t really know what he would have done if the woman had freaked out over what Bran did in his free time… Or if she had been disgusted by the idea of the two of them as a couple. He felt lucky that neither of those things had happened. He smiled a little and gave Hux's hand a squeeze.

"I see where you got the pretty face from." He said with a bit of a grin. "You look like her Bran."

"I do not." He heard Hux grumble.

He looked up. Hux was barely holding his eyes open, but well... He was awake. He wondered if he should ask Phasma to get his mother again, if he should let Unamo check him over. He did neither, instead he just shuffled a bit closer.

"Yeah well... Sorry, but you really do." Ben said with a bit of a grin. "You have her mouth for instance... Such lovely warm lips and that cute-"

"Shut up." Hux huffed. "My face is not cute."

Ben leaned over and smiled, running a thumb over Hux's cheek.

"How do you feel?"

"Like I need more drugs against the pain mostly… But glad to see your face."

Ben let out a soft chuckle, brushing Hux's hair from his face.

"I hated seeing you in a coffin." He said, swallowing thickly. "It was not a good feeling."

"You won't need to see it again. I promise I won’t let it get this close anymore… Ever. It hurts like shit."

Hux grabbed Ben’s hand with the bit of energy he had left and sighed.

"I guess we made it."

"Yes, we did."

Ben felt an immense happiness at seeing Hux awake and talking. Everything was going to be better from now on. He wanted to hug him, but he refrained from that…. It wouldn’t be good for him now. Instead he held his hand tighter, never taking his eyes off his face.

"How did my mother take it?"

Ben shrugged.

"Pretty well, I guess. Although she was shocked when she saw you like this."

Hux closed his eyes and huffed out a breath

"I should really apologise to her. I must have given her a near heart-attack."

Ben chuckled a little.

"She didn't care about the things you did... She cared about your health. She wanted to know if you were okay, if you were in pain… The rest didn’t matter to her."

Hux hummed and tapped his hand a bit, as if assuring himself that Ben would still be holding it.

"You have cry-eyes..." He said with a lazy smirk. "All red and puffy. It looks horrible on you."

Ben rolled his eyes and placed a small kiss on Hux's face.

"I still look better than you though... No offense."

Hux snorted and let his head slant to the side again.

"I need beauty-sleep then." He murmured. "Lots of it."

He sighed out and slowly let his eyes slip shut again.

"And after that we are going to give Thrawn a taste of his own medicine."

Ben shushed him.

"Don't think about that. First you need to recover."

Hux huffed.

"It helps my recovery to know Thrawn is going to get what he deserves."

Ben laughed softly. He could have known Hux would say that. There was still a lot of fight in there… That was good.

"Alright, alright, but first go back to sleep."

Ben didn't need to tell Hux twice. He was already exhausted, even with the limited movements he had even made. It wouldn’t be an easy recovery from this one. Hux wouldn’t be back on his feet within a week… Not within a month even, Ben feared. This brush with death was so close that he was sure that Hux had been saying his prayers before they had arrived at the apartment. Ben watched him fall asleep and leaned his elbows on the side of the bed, propping his head onto his arms. He was never going to leave Hux alone again. He was going to stay here until he was all better again. Ben wasn't sure how long it would take really. There were movies and TV-series where the heroes were back on their feet in a day, making their stand again like nothing had ever hit them. He knew that it would not be like that. Hux slept a lot, most of the time. Unamo managed to get morphine from Moira every now and then to help against the pain. Ben stayed the full 48 hours until his mother came back home.

She had almost fainted at the sight of their bathroom. Ben had to go home to comfort her and tell her that Bran was alive, that he would pull through. Ben stayed home for a day to talk her through some of it, leaving out what Hux had to do with the Order. She calmed down, wished him the best and brought Ben back to stay with him, giving her regards to Elana as well. Since then, Ben hadn’t been home anymore, staying at the mention day and night. Aside from these chosen people, nobody knew. When friends of Hux’s father visited the house for condolences, Elana never said a word to them about her son in the room so close to the living room. She always made sure to keep absolutely silent about his survival. Hux recovered with small steps. At first he would wake up for longer periods, then Ben would help him stand and walk around a bit. After 10 days Hux moved on his own, albeit with some effort. Ben found him that morning, sitting at the breakfast table in his night-shorts, the bandages still wrapped all over his healing torso. He had gotten skinnier over the days, losing body-weight because he couldn’t hold food down well enough yet. Ben worried for him, even when Hux started to eat well again. He was moody, always looked tired… Ben was anxious about it, that maybe Hux would go into some sort of depression. When he found him that morning it was dead-quiet in the house, everyone was still asleep, so it was just the two of them.

"Hey." He murmured, taking a seat at the table too.

It was really early, 7 AM or something. Ben did not even know why he was up at this hour… But then again, he hadn’t slept well since the day Hux had been shot. He had nightmares, worries… It wasn’t good.

"Hey." Hux said, moodily poking a fork in the leftovers he'd found from dinner.

"What is it?" Ben asked, taking his free hand in his own.

"Nothing." Hux immediately insisted. "And that's the problem... It's not healing fast enough. I want to be- No, I need to be stronger than this."

Ben tightened the grip on Hux's hand.

"I know you want to do something, but we're all human here. Doing nothing, staying calm, is the quickest way you can heal right now."

Hux looked away, putting his fork on the table.

"And eating your food would help too."

Hux sighed and rubbed a hand over one of the bandages. The wounds itched, which meant they were healing, but it was a goddamn nuisance. He couldn’t really touch it without feeling a pang of pain, so scratching was not even an option, but it was just so damn maddening.

"I know... I know, but I feel so god damn useless right now. Snoke is building his campaign, Thrawn still has the Order under his power… I can’t just let them have all that. It’s not right."

Ben knew how Hux felt, but didn't know how he could help him. Truth was that all they needed was time, to recover and plan. That was all there was to do.

"Come on take a bite first." He ushered instead. “You didn’t even eat it last night, so you should try so now.”

Hux huffed, not feeling like eating. He had grabbed the plate when he woke up hungry, but now that he smelled it he felt queasy, like his stomach was still reluctant to hold anything that wasn’t crackers or water.

Ben sighed and tucked the fork in his hand and ran a hand through his red hair. He actually liked it when Hux's hair wasn't all neat sometimes. It was a good look; the parted smooth cut, sure, but this was softer and more boyish. And sometimes it was good to be reminded of the boys they were. Ben felt like the last two weeks had made that seem far away. The things they discussed, among each other, the schemes… It wasn’t stuff that children talked about. Ben felt severely out of his depth when those topics came up. He rather talked about simpler things… Hux had picked up his fork again and ate. Phasma had made macaroni and cheese the evening before. Hux's mother was out of town for three days, to attend some interview from the higher court about his father, otherwise she would have cooked for them. The staff was mostly laid off by now, Elana wanted to be alone since the death of Brendol, and they couldn’t trust the maids with his secret either. So Phasma had done her best to make them all meals, but she wasn’t a stellar cook either.

Hux looked at the envelopes on the table. Most of them were unopened grief-cards, of people showing their support. Elana had taken the whole heap of them and left them here. She could not yet bare to open them and read the messages. It was too fresh. He sighed and sifted through them a bit until he found the draft-paper of the funeral invites. He stopped still and took it from the pile to read it, only just realizing he had not seen it yet. Hux had not attended the funeral that had taken place, he could not of course, people would spot him, and he was still bed-ridden when it took place; but it hurt to have missed that last goodbye. It made him sad... Angry... He was feeling those things like a physical cramp sometimes. They made his stomach coil and his throat clog up. He twitched his nose and tucked the paper under some envelopes again.

"Give it another week... I'll be better by then." Hux mumbled to himself.

Ben hummed and ran a hand up his arm, trying to avoid the cuts on it.

"You have nothing to prove."

He smiled thinly, trying to read the hollow expression on Hux’s face.

"Absolutely nothing."

Hux finished eating his food without another word. He leaned back against his chair and let his hand trail over Ben’s.

"I'm glad you're here of course, but don't you have school right now?" He murmured thoughtfully.

Ben shrugged.

"I can work on my school stuff some other time. I doubt I’d be able to do anything."

Hux hummed. He had completely forgotten about those daily routines. After his fake death, school and other such mundane things no longer applied to him. It was bittersweet, that. Hux wasn’t keen to lose his education, his normal life… But at the moment it took away a lot of stress to not worry about that.

"Then you can entertain me." Hux grinned a bit. "I've been really bored the last couple of days."

Ben snorted and shook his head.

"I don't believe you." He murmured. "I've seen that thick book of yours with your plans."

Hux smirked and shook his head.

"Yeah... Well I need to be prepared."

He sighed and hugged Ben closer, pulling him onto his chair as well. Ben eagerly let him, settling on his lap and slinging an arm over his good shoulder.

"But even that gets annoying after a while. There are only so many things a guy can plan for." Hux admitted resting his forehead on Ben's shoulder. "You are still holding up surprisingly well though... This whole business would put some people in therapy. I mean... I bled all over your bathroom... Twice."

Ben laughed and shook his head.

"Some people are special like that." Ben admitted then.

He snickered and looked at Hux's face.

"Don’t do it again though… I like your face better when it’s less pale and sickly… I like it best when you blush. That’s so cute."

Hux rolled his eyes.

"I am not... Cute."

Ben let out a laugh. Sometimes Hux was too easy to tease, but that was what he liked about him. They stayed like that for a while until Ben decided Hux needed to rest some more. The other had started to doze a bit already, head leaning heavier on Ben’s shoulder until he jerked back awake each time. Hux protested obviously, he always did, but he wouldn't win from Ben this time. Not when he was already falling asleep at the table right there. With some whining and tugging Ben had gotten Hux were he wanted to, tossing the covers of his bed back over him so that he could rest up. It didn't take Hux long to fall asleep even though he had protested and said he wasn't tired. Ben stayed next to his bed and let his fingers trail through Hux hair. It would be nice if they could be like this forever, dead to the world and without the looming monsters of Hux’s life.


	10. A heavy heart and a cry for power

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welps, Chapter 10 is here (sorry for last week, I came back from holiday on Thursday but because of the attack in Nice my flight was delayed and stuff and I was exhausted when I came home. But, to make it up to you all, this chapter is like- SUPER important. This chapter is the pivot-point of this story, so I needed to get it right. I was very scared to really set it up and write it. I hope I have done it justice.

Hux healed, slowly but steadily, and when the wounds faded, his anger surfaced again. He allowed it to fuel days of training, running through his skills time and time again, trying each day to strengthen them more, never relenting. Ben would catch him in the early mornings, outside, training with Phasma in the garden. It would be so early that the morning dew made everything wet, and he was barely even awake himself. Hux had the uncanny ability to sneak away without him noticing, even though Ben usually slept in his bed with him. He never felt it when Bran left the bed to get up. He was determined and vicious when he trained. Ben had heard Phasma talk to Unamo about it, that Hux had become harsher and tenser. She worried for him, that he would damage healing muscles too soon, but it never happened.

Hux did not suffer new injuries, if anything, he became stronger than he had been before. Sometimes, Ben would see Hux’s mother at the window too, early in the mornings. She would stare at Phasma and Bran in the garden, her face always tight with worry and some form of horror. Ben never talked to her about it, usually snuck around to pretend he was going for a snack. He wouldn’t exactly know what to say to her after all. She knew Hux as the child he pretended to be, and only just began to see the real truth. For Ben it had been opposite… He could never understand what it would be like for her to deal with this. 

By now, almost nothing remained from what Hux had survived, only the scars stayed, slowly settling in his skin, permanent reminders. Ben never dared to touch them, not even when Hux stopped wearing bandages or such to cover them. He was afraid they would still hurt, that Bran would not like to be reminded that they were there. Ben had trouble taking his eyes of them sometimes though. Despite Moira’s best efforts they were very prominent, especially against a skin so light as Hux’s. They were twisted, coarse and still looked like bullet-holes. They were usually covered by Hux’s clothes, but in the mornings Ben always saw them again as Hux would change clothes, and he would stare, think about the blood and the panic… About the way they had all been afraid. It still made him feel sick sometimes.

Hux barely spoke of what had happened, setting all his focus to what needed to be done instead. He had been recruiting, wheedling his own influence into the First Order amongst those that would follow him. He picked his people carefully, making sure to only approach the ones he could trust with the secret. It was always something they planned together, analysing an officer’s behaviour and never really letting them in on Hux’s secret until they were proven loyal. Unamo and Phasma proved to be very important in that whole operation. Thrawn was still oblivious about the shift they were slowly bringing to the Order and Snoke ran his campaign for Emperor like he had nothing left in his way, like he was already holding the crown. They both thought they had achieved victory, that they had gotten rid of the little pest that threatened to ruin whatever their end-game was.

Hux was going to make sure they both had nightmares about his return. He had met with his father's company in deep secret, seeing to it that none of them would speak a word, and they made the arrangements, checked if his claims would hold. He used their knowledge to patch unforeseen dangers, anything to make sure that he could actually run as a candidate when the time was right. Once the plan was air-tight Hux only had to pick the date to drop the bomb. It wasn't hard to do that. There would be an event, where Snoke would have to officially announce his candidacy for Emperor. He would need to turn in his application and celebrate it, and he would need to ask if he would be challenged... Such was democracy of course. And Hux would be there to challenge him, watch that snake's face when he would know that he had been played. Best of it would be that Snoke wouldn't be able to touch a hair on his head, too many witnesses, too many suspicions. And with his strive for power Hux would be giving himself a stage to lay out all the dirt he had found, the Order would be his too, Thrawn would be history when they would use their own assets to immobilize whatever fail-safe Thrawn could use against them. And yet- The future seemed slippery at best. Hux was aware that the Order was a huge power-block to manage. He could still ruin it with his inexperience… And the only way to nudge Snoke out of power was to run for Emperor himself, which seemed like he was climbing a wall that reached all the way to fucking space, no way to see how high it truly even was. He was smart, and he would have advisors… But how did one convince the people to vote for a child…? He wouldn’t even vote for himself as it was now. The pressure that he would be under if he got elected- It was making him queasy to think about sometimes.

Phasma watched him from a distance, helping Ben with his tie. Ben had never worn a suit before after all, and he felt awkward now that he did. He wasn’t paying much attention to it though, instead he followed Phasma’s gaze to where Bran was fidgeting with his own clothes.

"If this works... Bran is going to be the most powerful person in the world." Ben murmured, realizing it only now that they were dressing up for what would come. "I mean... If we beat Thrawn, the First Order is automatically his to command, because- That is how you said it works... And if he wants to defeat Snoke, he would need to be Emperor himself... Not that it’s a bad thing, but... He's only 18 years old."

Phasma smiled a bit, tucking his collar back in place.

"Bran isn't like most kids." She just said. “Or like most men for that matter.”

Ben sighed.

"That doesn't mean that he is not human. I'm worried... About what it would do to him. The shooting changed him already- You must have seen that too. We- Can we really ask him to take all that pressure on his shoulders? I don’t want him to break."

Phasma finished the tie and patted his chest.

"It'll be okay. Don't worry, he has us to keep him in line a bit. He is not alone."

Phasma smiled and stepped away.

"Alright good to go."

Phasma herself was wearing a simple black dress. Ben could tell she hadn’t necessarily picked it for the looks of it. It was a nice dress, sure, but more than that it was functional. Something fit for the occasion, but still easy the move in. They could never be too certain after all, about what would happen. Snoke could make rash decisions, and they needed to be prepared for such a thing- Which was why she had a gun in her purse rather than lipstick. Ben looked down and picked at the cufflinks of his suit. He felt like he looked ridiculous. This thing was too pricey, too well-tailored. It was a stark contrast to his baggy sweaters.

"Suits really become you Ben." He heard Bran say.

He had walked into the room to join them by now, standing by the open window to smoke. Ben knew he did that to still his own nerves, something to channel the jitters into. Whenever he saw Hux with a cigarette he knew something was stressing him out.

"Nervous?" Ben asked him therefore, so that Hux would have a window to vent to him about it.

He shrugged.

"It would be odd if I weren’t…" He ticked some ashes off the end, letting them fall on the soil outside. 

His mother hated the smell of it. When he picked up the habit he always kept windows open to make sure she wouldn’t complain too much. She wasn’t here now, even though she wanted to be. Hux was too afraid what the panic in Snoke would make him do. He had told her to stay with one of her friends for a while, just in case. They had used the mansion for final preparations, but tonight they wouldn’t come back here either. They would need to disperse a bit to wait for the backlash. They couldn’t be as naïve as to assume that Snoke would roll over and let it happen.

“But to be honest, I am not quite as nervous as I expected I’d be.” Hux continued, knowing his mind had drifted off a bit too much. “I just really, really want to see his face when he knows what a mistake he made.”

He tossed the bud of his smoke out of the window as well and closed the latch again, patting the glass a bit. He turned and looked at Ben, he looked hopelessly lost, trying to find words to say to him, trying to figure out how he should carry himself in this whole situation. Hux hugged him close, kissing his forehead and pressing his nose in his raven hair. He knew how much Ben struggled to cope with all of this. He could see it on him, when he stared at the scars, when he was peeking at the training Hux had with Phasma. He was afraid of the changes, of them losing what they had… He was afraid that Hux would cut him as a necessary loss and leave Ben to deal with the void he had been dropped in. So many things would change after today, but he knew for a fact that Ben would still be part of his life, he always would be. Hux needed him, to keep his humanity alive, he needed Ben to ground him and remind him that he was a person under all those layers of responsibility. He did not say all these things to Ben, but he knew the boy was aware of it when he held him. Ben was smart too, sensitive when it came to feelings…. He knew what he meant to him, and he was never allowed to forget it.

"It's time to go."

Unamo stood in the doorway, reluctantly embodying the very end of this little dream-world that had existed for the past two months. Hux nodded and released Ben. They all got in the van Unamo had stolen from the First Order when the fled here. It was repainted, completely changed. There was barely any trace that it had been property of the Order before. Ben fidgeted a bit, feeling the nerves hit him like a truck now too. Suits were more comfortable than he had imagined, but nothing really felt comfortable at the moment. He looked at Hux shortly, whose face had morphed into something he had not seen on him before. It was stony, cold, but at the same time he looked ready to lash out. He was afraid, Ben knew that. He also knew that Bran’s upbringing had taught him to cover any form of fear under 10 layers of rage and determination. He understood things like that better now- Having spent time in his house. Elana would tell Ben about Hux’s father, how he was to Bran when he was still a child, how he ran the family. It made him feel luckier that his own mother and father were kinder to him in that sense. On the other hand, some of all that had shaped Bran into this boy; who was strong and ambitious. He looked driven at least, despite the fear. Ben took his hand, not sure if he was holding on to tap on Hux’s strength or trying to calm him.

"Stop looking like you are going to murder people." He whispered when the other looked at him.

Hux looked at his face and sighed.

"My mom says that a lot too lately." He said with a bit of a smile.

"Well, maybe you should work on that. Future Emperors cannot look like they murder people."

Ben let out a low chuckle. Hux winced however. Emperor... He was not sure he wanted to be that. No, he was sure he wanted to NOT be that.

"You know... I kind of hope that someone else challenges Snoke too... That my claim is going to spark more protest- So that I don’t have to be you know, that."

He sighed a bit and then grinned.

 "I mean... I have only just started college. I kind of want to finish school first, so that I know what the fuck I’m even talking about."

Ben snorted.

"It's not as if you can't do both with those brains. I bet you don't even need to study to pass."

Hux shrugged, not seeming too convinced.

"Amazing minds can do amazing things, Bran."

“Doesn’t mean they must always push to the limit of what is humanly possible. Finals are stressful enough already without trying to figure out if I can plan them around some conference in Russia.”

Ben punched his shoulder.

"Ahhh." Hux sighed dramatically. "Those who hit the Emperor will receive a great punishment. Traitor."

Ben let out a laugh. It was good, the moment of light-hearted banter that followed. It kept their minds of the current events. It got steadily more serious in the van when they reached the conference-centre where it would all go down tonight. Unamo parked somewhere in the smaller alleys near the square, knowing that they would need to be somewhat sneaky to avoid the press that would be swarming around here. Hux took a deep breath, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the car-seat. He needed to get his concentration right and not murder Snoke on the spot when he would see him. It was incredibly tempting after all. He let his thumb brush over the clasp of leather that he wore under his own suit. A bit of security to hold onto in this mess he was about to submit himself to. The suit he wore was almost a negative of his Academy uniform, stark white with blue accents. Ben had told him he looked good, but well... Ben said that about everything. He gently touched the boy’s hair. His soft black strands were so unlike anything that Hux was used to seeing. The other boys on the Academy had short hair, much like he had. Ben was different in a lot of ways, comforting ways.

"I don't know if this is such a good idea anymore." He murmured.

Ben looked up.

"Of course it is. You have patched up all the gaps. It won't go wrong."

Hux shook his head, a bitter smile on his face.

"I am afraid of this going right... It's just... A lot to carry."

Phasma hummed and pushed the two of them out of the van before slamming the door.

"Hah... Right you are about that."

She tucked her hair behind her ear and then shrugged.

"But, you prepared for this, and we are ready for it... You included. Believe it or not, you make a better leader than most previous candidates."

She smirked a bit.

"Now get your ass into that building and make Snoke cry."

Hux smiled lightly. That would be the upside to this whole thing, Snoke crying in a corner. Hux took a deep breath.

"Alright, we’re going, before I change my mind."

Hux took off towards the conference centre at the other end of the square. The others followed him without drawing attention. It was a large building, one of the pinnacles of new architecture in the city. It had a massive glass front, reflecting the many lights of the fountain that formed the centre-piece of the square in front of it. They avoided the grand entrance however. They had an associate from the Order inside that kept a side-door opened for them so that they could access the building without being spotted or checked. Hux pushed against the large door that was meant for the kitchen-staff and walked inside. The event took place in one of the larger halls on the other side of the building. It was quiet here, as they doubled through the kitchens and made their way to the main hall through the staff-entrance. This hall was almost completely filled when they arrived in it. That was a good thing, allowed them to blend easily. He looked around, trying to find a more secluded area to hold up in for the time being. This room with its high ceiling and chandeliers, the massive space and marble flooring- It was all a bit too conspicuous. He looked around, but saw no trace of Snoke. The snake would probably be in one of the smaller rooms behind the hall, preparing for his victory-speech and practising his best smile for the cameras.

Ben stayed with Bran when he ducked into a bit of a niche, the light dimmer here to make the access to the lounge behind them easier for the other visitors. He stayed close to Hux, looking around to see all the people that attended this event. Expensive dresses and polished shoes, it breathed a form of class he was completely not used to seeing. He felt out of place, but he also felt like this was where he would need to be, as long as he was holding on to Hux. Ben held him by the elbow when Snoke finally made his appearance. He felt Bran tense, as if he was ready to lunge… But he did not move, just stared at Snoke like he could project a beam so strong that it would make the man’s heart give out somehow. No such thing happened of course as Snoke made his way to the middle of the hall. Ben did not see the old man much on TV, but he looked so smug when he took place on his podium, relishing in the attention and cheer of those present. This was the very person that Hux hated so much, the man that had tried to kill him, that had murdered Hux’s family. Such a man should not be cheered at, by nobody. And yet, everyone here shouted happily, cried out joy. These were not all supporters of Snoke, most were perhaps, but not all. Some were just people that were eager to see the new political term start. The old regime would be replaced when a new Emperor would be chosen, and people hoped it would bring better years. The decline these past years was staggering, and people had good hopes that a new government and leader would finally ease the strain on their society.

Snoke had a riling speech, full of promises that were false at best, lies and empty words. The people that were present were eager to gobble them up however and believe them. It was as if they would never learn. Hux flicked the blade a bit, feeling it sit under his suit like a tempting burn, but he also felt Ben's hand, solid and like a soft warning. He needed to be softer, better... It would be so much more rewarding to take this from Snoke, instead of kill him and go to prison labelled as a complete psycho. He could do it, he could make it through the night without being the assassin… He could do it as Bran. The euphoria built with each new word that Snoke said to his cheering crowd, leading himself up to the grand finale, where he finally promised that he as Emperor would bring the world back to its glory. He would run for leadership and he would see the Western Nations flourish again as the power-block of the world. Snoke grinned then, as he had delivered his message and had his crowd buzzing with joy, the cameras of press all taking in his face, his moment of fame. Only one official courtesy remained, in Snoke’s eyes. A little line that sat in the official script but would mean so little before he could go for celebratory drinks.

"And I ask of all citizens here now, fellow senators, council-men, my fellow politicians... Does anyone here challenge my claim? Will anyone run against me in this journey to Emperor."

Hux let the silence fall... Not because he could, but because he was almost frozen to the floor. He did not want to do it. These people loved Snoke, what he stood for. They would eat him alive. Ben nudged him forward then and he stepped out simply by instinct. It was as if the one step slowly put courage back in his legs, so he kept walking along the back of the hall while nobody had eyes for him, probably waiting for Snoke to let this interlude end and open the bar. He clenched his fists.

“It appears-”

"Yes, as a matter of fact I will." Hux said, making heads snap around. "I, Elan Brendol Hux, challenge your claim."

He wanted to swallow it back in the moment it left his mouth. It echoed too long in the vastness of this hall, it sounded too loud, too obnoxious… Out of place. Snoke’s head snapped to where the sound was coming from. Hux could see the surprise on his face, then the way it morphed to recognition and horror. Not only because someone had dared to challenge him in what was supposed to be his party, but also because he saw _him_. The pesky Hux boy who was pronounced dead twice, who should have died together with his father and older brother in the first place, who should not have survived the ambush he had set up to be rid of him later. Hux loosened his fists a bit and started moving forward, along the middle isle between the crowd. He could hear the people around him starting to whisper. Wasn't that the son of the senator who had died? How, when, what? That boy was in that crash too right? It had been months, how did nobody report this yet? All those questions echoed through the hall, none of them clear enough to really rise above the murmurs, but it was buzzing. Hux could see the rage build in Snoke’s eyes and he smiled lightly. This felt somewhat as a triumph, it was good, loosened the coil in his chest. He took his stand on the podium and repeated his claim so that everyone could hear and see it from his own lips. He did not look at anyone in particular, ignored the hyped buzz that came from the reporters and news-channels in the front rows. He just looked at Ben, who was still half tucked in their little corner, and then he slowly shifted his gaze to Snoke himself. The man eyed him, as if he was trying to see if there was any sign that it was not really Hux, that maybe those friends of his had managed to pull a hoax with someone that looked like him. That they had found a way to get a boy’s face changed far enough to make it appear like the Hux boy. It had to be that, after all, he had put Thrawn on this. How did a little brat outsmart the head of a secret Order. He saw Snoke grow more frustrated when there was no such indication of foul play, only more proof that Hux was real and still breathing; more proof that meant  Snoke would be screwed. Hux let out a soft snort before addressing the room with his explanation.

"As you all know; my father carried over his title as Senator to me shortly before he died." He started. "And to honour his legacy I have decided to resume his plans and ambitions and give these people an Emperor that does not lie, oppress... Murder. Your faith in this man is misplaced, and I feel it is my duty to not only my family; but to all of you, to expose the monster you see standing here."

Well... It was not like he himself was clean on the account of murder… But Ben had said he was different… Ben had said he was good. Snoke straightened a bit, snorting as if he could not believe his ears.

"Murder?" He repeated dryly. "What an absurd claim. The death of your father and brother has damaged your judgement boy. You are too young to cope with such a trauma."

He made sure to say it loud enough, for everyone to hear.

"Really? Because, both of us know that it is true. And you know that I will prove it."

He cocked his head a bit, crossing his arms.

"We know about Thrawn." He said then, voice lowered. "The Order is no longer his... Or yours. We can destroy you, and we will."

Snoke hissed a bit.

“Bring this mess down on me and I will return the favour boy, or would you forget the blood on your own hands?” This time he was quieter in the way he spoke.

Hux raised an eyebrow and gave the man an iron look.

“I do not need to be Emperor, I do not need for these people to glorify me. I have done this for years, you rat me out and I will be gone without a trace before the police can even drive a car to find me. Your reputation however- It’s all you have. You have nothing to bargain with...”

Snoke got red-faced, sputtering a bit.

“Surely you are aware by now that I am quite good at disappearing… This whole thing must prove that to you… You will be in ruins, and I will find a nice new place to settle down. What was it again you told my father? About this game being ruthless… It appears that this time you are the one who has drawn a poor hand of cards, Senator.”

Snoke growled and stepped back, looking at his crowd, now dead-silent, expectant about how their big leader would react to this boy stating to be his equal competition.

"You think they will make a boy the Emperor of this nation? You are a child!" He called out to the crowd. "We cannot put our lives in the hands of a boy that is still in college, who still needs his mother to wipe his tears!"

Hux smirked a bit then, was that all Snoke could come up with? The obvious jab?

"True." A woman's voice spoke up. "Which is why I too challenge the claim of Senator Snoke."

Hux turned.

"I, Senator Leia Organa, challenge your claim."

Hux looked at the face of Ben's mother. She was a Senator too… Of course. He had almost allowed himself to forget that in these past dizzying days. She walked up to the podium, face grave.

"Young Senator Hux might be out of his league in his claims, however ambitious they are. Therefore, I offer him a partnership. The Resistance-party will gladly help you run against Senator Snoke."

Hux couldn't help the triumphant grin that came on his face then.

"I accept." He said, feeling himself almost vibrate.

Snoke grit his teeth. He opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind apparently. Instead he nodded his head and forced a smile to his face.

"Well then, let us have a fair run."

With that Snoke walked away not looking too happy. Hux was smiling and shook Leia's hand.

"Thank you."

Leia shook her head, patting his shoulder a bit.

"I'm glad you're okay, and I am more than happy to help. What that man has done- We cannot just allow such a man to lead this country."

Hux smiled thinly. He was glad that it was over though, the amount of attention was- Dreadful. He was used to staying hidden. He couldn’t wait to duck his head and walk off the stage. Journalists followed them, but Unamo and Phasma were kind enough to hold them off, making sure that they would have some privacy to talk. Ben joined them after they left the podium though. He looked a bit shocked, but still elated. 

"Mom, how... Since when did you decide this?"

"Well, when you called that your lovely boyfriend was the son of Senator Hux, and then continued to tell me that he had been in 'an accident' I suspected there would be more to it."

She looked them over.

"You told me that it was foul play… Murder… And then suddenly I have to sit there and hear that Snoke is accused of that? Surely I could not just let a boy run against such a monster alone. What if he would try such a horrible thing again?"

She sighed and then shrugged.

"You seem to have made a good recovery Elan." She said then. "I saw the state of our bathroom when I came home... Anything you wish to say about that?"

Hux sighed.

"My cousin Moira is a nurse, we decided to keep me presumed dead and then I could play this card right now. We couldn’t be sure how much Snoke would want me dead, so I stayed at the estate until I had recovered. I- I apologize for giving you that shock. It was the only place I could run to fast enough."

Ben looked up. Hux was not going to tell her about the First Order, not even now. He could understand that… Surely his mother wouldn’t be as forgiving as Ben had been.

"That snake is out of his mind, putting a boy through all that." She tutted and then took Ben's hand. "We need to talk though, honey... About school. Mostly about you not being in it."

Hux smiled a bit and nodded. She pulled Ben away and Hux turned to Phasma and Unamo. They had successfully brushed off the press by now.

"Well... Talk about unexpected turns of events." Unamo said, smirking a bit. “Saved by the mother in law.”

Phasma and Unamo were smiling, clearly relieved. It all went even better than they had planned, for now. They had foreseen that Hux's age might become a problem that would stop him from competing, but Leia had solved that problem for them… Now it was just waiting what Snoke would do.

"Let's celebrate this first small victory. May there be many more." Phasma said. “I mean, they are pouring some pricey champagne and I intend to have a bottle’s worth tonight.”

Hux nodded, chuckling at her demeanour. He could understand her, she had been under a lot of pressure too.

"Let's wait for Ben and then go celebrate. He can't be missing out on this one."

Hux looked around and spotted Ben with his mother a few steps away. Hux smiled a bit. Ben had grown to be more important to him than he had initially wanted. He never let people too close, knowing they often turned away from him at the knowledge of his many flaws and baggage. And yet Ben still looked at him with those ridiculously dark eyes, that seemed too big in his face, and he would call Hux cute, make fun of his bed-hair, like the monstrous parts of him did not exist. Eventually Ben's mother seemed satisfied with their talk and gestured that Ben could go and join Hux.

"We won round 1." He said, grabbing Hux's hands. "You sure knew how to spike the drama though. I thought that twat was going to claw your eyes out right there at the spot."

Hux laughed and then sighed.

"Actually... Unamo... Phasma, I think I need to spend the evening with Ben." He said then. "I owe him that much."

He smiled a little and turned to them with a thin smile.

"Besides, you two have been around me non-stop since my father and brother died... Take some time for yourselves. I will call when I need you... Promise."

Phasma smirked a bit.

"Do remember he is still underage eh Bran?" She mumbled when she hugged him.

"Ew." Hux simply said. "I'm taking him out to dinner... Not... That."

She grinned a bit.

"Mhm... Dinner is never just dinner."

Hux elbowed her then, face turning red.

"Shut up. You pervert."

Phasma chuckled a little then and winked as she walked off with Unamo, slinging an arm around her and sneaking two glasses off the tray the waiter carried around. Ben looked at Hux then, time along with Bran… That was rare lately… He couldn’t wait.

"Where are we going?" He asked.

"Someplace nice. Nobody knows about it." Hux said, grinning a bit. "But there are a lot of stairs and we need to pick up some food first. You’ll like it… I promise."


	11. A secret get-away and an eternal promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, take a whole bucket of fluff and enjoy it :p I love this chapter, I always have. It used to be one of my favourites when I was writing drafts and it still is now. I hope you are all as happy as I am. Thank you for reading, please comment, I would be very happy :)

As they wandered the city together, Hux paid food for them, picking it up at a pricey looking restaurant. Ben read on the banners that it served food from the Oriental Republic. He had never had anything like that before, it was known to be very expensive. He was surprised even that Hux could pick up food from here. Most highly classed restaurants didn't do take outs, but they knew Hux apparently, greeting him with smiles and asking how he was. Hux thanked them giving them an extra tip and turned back to Ben. The boy was still staring at the numbers on the cash-registry. That was so much money. Bran simply laughed at him and  grabbed his hand, pulling him along. Ben smiled, getting curious and excited when he saw Hux’s eager grin.

"Really where are we going?"

"You'll see. It's one of my favourite places in this city. The view is nice too. You will love it."

Hux grabbed Ben tighter as they rounded a corner; he was never going to let go of this hand. Ben knew everything and decided to stay, there was no way anyone could replace him. Ben was honest, loyal… His. How could he ever do without him now? It was starting to grow impossible to imagine such a thing. After a while Hux halted at a massive wall, one that was impossible to look over. It was incredibly tall, and the doorway they stood at was dark, leading to a stone set of stairs that would take them underground. Ben looked around, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up a bit. He had never been to this part of the city before, it was eerie and quiet.

"Where are we?"

Hux hummed and took Ben down the corridor of the old sort of doorway, taking them under a couple of buildings.

"It's the old city... From before the war." Hux said, taking a few turns, shining the light of his phone along the walls.

Above ground there was no access to these parts. They were walled off to keep out any homeless people. This place was meant to be forgotten, so the government decided years ago. Eventually Hux took Ben up a set of really narrow stairs and pushed open a hatch. The building they entered was vast... Enormous even. Dust was everywhere and parts of the building had collapsed or wore signs of vandalism… But still. The rows upon rows of bookcases were no less impressive, nor the arched doorways and the beautiful flooring. It was almost melancholic in a way… The dust floating through the air, the piercing silence.

"W-what is this place?" Ben asked.

"It's the New York public library. Or well, it used to be... One day."

Hux helped Ben out of the latch as well and closed it again, letting the boy take in the place. It was massive… Ben had seen massive buildings before, their city knew plenty of those- But it never compared to this. This was class, stature… Grandeur…. Beauty. It was stunning and forgotten. How could people forget about such a place? The painted ceilings were worn, but no less beautiful… There were numerous side-rooms with other books, study-areas… Ben couldn’t believe his eyes.

“It’s… Mesmerizing.” He mumbled. “Bran it’s beautiful here.”

Hux smirked and tugged Ben with him to a door in the back of the main hall. It took them through a couple of rooms until they finally ended up at a long spiralling staircase that swirled all the way to the top of the building. They walked up at least a couple hundred steps, making Ben wheeze for air a bit by the time they made it up. There was a small landing there, with a tiny window that let in a bit of light that just caught the door. It was wooden, slightly rotten at the edges, but still looking sturdy. It had something secretive, mysterious, and Ben grinned giddily as Hux opened it and smiled, letting Ben in first. The room behind it was round, a tower-room of sorts, with ceiling to floor windows, alternating with bookcases that were just as high. There was a couch, a rug, a table with a stack of blankets under it. Hux clicked on the old ceiling lights and smiled as their orange glow poured around the small area. Ben could tell it meant a lot to him… This place.

"My grandmother told me about it." Hux said when they both stood there for a while. "She was a small girl when her mother told her about the war... She had pictures of this place, of when it was still as it had been. She told me she wanted to find it again… But we lived in the Colonies back then, my great-grandmother had travelled here before the war, met an American man too, but still returned home to marry the one she was promised to. When my father moved us all here, I knew I had to find it again for grandma. I spent about two years finding it back, now I come here to wind down and think... Rest my head. It’s- Like having your own place… It’s nice."

He smiled at Ben then.

"I thought we would both like it here. To finally be alone with just ourselves, no longer with that mess of a world around us."

"This is amazing. I never knew something like this even existed."

Ben walked further into the small room. It felt comforting here, just like Hux had described. Hux put the food on the small table and watched Ben as he started looking around the room. He knew every nook and cranny of it already, but watching Ben explore it was quite amusing, the look on his face. He was beaming with wonder, it was quite endearing. When he was all done he finally turned to Hux, who had leaned himself against the closed door. Hux had never thought he would show this place to anyone. He had never even shown it to Phasma even, wanting a place for just himself, where nobody would find him- But somehow it was okay for Ben to always find him. He wanted him to, wanted to let him into this most private slice of his life.

"Let's eat something before it gets cold."

He sat down at the small table and set down the bag between them as Ben followed suit.

"It's been a good day, I say we best end it with a neat date."

Ben was grinning widely when Hux said that.

"Your face looks like it's going to split." Hux laughed and caressed Ben’s hair.

They fell silent and started eating, Ben somewhat slower than Hux. He was not used to this food… The spices and scents. They were overwhelming in all the best ways, and when he found they tasted as good as they smelled he was sold, closing his eyes and licking his lips whenever some of the sticky marinades would cling to it.

"Let's just hide here forever." Hux hummed after taking some chicken glazed with honey.

"There is no food here to hide forever with." Ben murmured, leaning against Hux's shoulder.

"I'll just buy a whole stash of food, and we'll stay here and read all of the books this library has." Hux said then.

Ben chuckled and took his hand.

"Yeah... It would have been good." He said, tracing the lines that ran from Hux's knuckles to his wrist, touching the leather clasp and then took it off, studying the blade that sat in it.

He didn't say anything as he put it around his own arm and studied how it looked. Hux set down his last bits of rice for a moment and took Ben's arm, leaning over him a bit to show him how to let the blade slide out and back into the casing without cutting into his hand. Ben noted that it was heavier than he had thought it would be. The steel still weighed against his arm, and the clasp was too big for his own arm. Hux hummed and tightened some straps for him to get it to fit better. Ben smiled at it and looked up at Hux before tilting his head back and placing a small kiss on his lips. And another... And another. He smiled when he could feel that Hux was smiling too. He closed his eyes and sighed out a bit, lips still ghosting close.

"Promise me that we'll be together forever." He said to Hux.

The other simply hummed and nodded, leaning back against the couch.

"I promise." He replied, smiling sincerely.

Ben turned then, so that he was sitting on his knees, his hands slowly moving behind Hux's back as he kissed him again.

"Say that you will be mine then Bran." He said as he pulled away shortly, loosening the tie he had been wearing.

Hux grabbed his chin, staring into his eyes.

"I'm yours Ben. I will always be. I promise." He said then.

Maybe they were too young and naive... But Hux would see that it would be true, he would always belong to Ben, he owed him too much not to.

"Say it again." Ben breathed, pulling at Hux's jacket.

"I'm yours." He said again, tucking his face against Ben's neck. "Unconditionally yours."

Ben smiled as Hux let him pull his jacket away. He wanted to hear those words again and again, until he went deaf and then still he wanted to hear them. Hux's unconditional love was for him and only for him.

"I love you, Bran. Immensely."

Hux smiled softly and placed his hands on Ben’s face.

"I love you too."

He pulled Ben’s face closer and kissed him deeply. He wanted to make sure Ben feel how much he cared for him in that kiss. Ben reacted immediately by wrapping his arms around Hux. Eagerly he opened his mouth and their tongues touched, dancing around each other. Hux had let his arms fall around Bens shoulder, pulling him as close as possible. They only broke apart to breathe. Ben let his hand slide under Hux's shirt. Hux hummed when he felt Ben’s hand moving over the skin there.

"You're playing a dangerous game here, Benjamin."

Ben looked up.

"I already touched you there." He said then, letting his fingers settle in the same place as that first night. “Although you were so much colder then… Sweaty.”

He had held his hand there to hold Hux back when he needed to carve the bullet out on that first night. He had been coiling and his skin had been cold and sweaty. Now he was soft and warm there, Ben could feel that there were muscles there, at rest and easy. It honestly felt a lot better than that first time. Hux sighed a bit and pressed their lips back together, inhaling Ben's own breaths as they kissed again. He let himself fall into the rug when the other started to lean into him even more. Ben let out a soft huff as he fell with Hux and then grinned as he leaned up a bit again.

"What?" Hux asked.

Ben shook his head and sat back, placing one hand on Hux’s cheek, carefully, only letting his fingertips touch it.

"You look good." He just said, blushing a bit. "Like that."

Hux let out a snort and grabbed Ben by the waist.

"You always look good." He countered. "Even in those baggy things you wear. But a suit really does become you."

He leaned his head back even more as he continued to look up into Ben's eyes.

"But I love your eyes most." He said then. "They talk."

Ben smirked a bit.

"They do?"

"Yes. Even when you are silent they continue to say what you are thinking. I like that... It's open and honest."

Ben hummed a bit.

"Then I better remember not to try and lie to you."

He grinned before leaning down to steal another kiss. Hux smiled at him and took the brace from Ben's wrist, given that he almost poked the blade in his ribs twice now. Ben bit his lip a bit then, looking down at Hux with anticipation.

"Can I take that off?" He asked. "It would be nice... To see you without blood or bandages for once."

Hux nodded with a light smile.

"Go ahead. I'm all yours."

Ben carefully unbuttoned Hux's shirt with his fingers. It was not like he hadn't seen this before, but somehow Ben felt nervous. Hux let him pull away his shirt and leaned back against the couch again. Ben let his hands trail over Hux's skin. Without all the blood he could see how beautifully lean Hux really was. His cheeks tinted red, but he could not stop grinning.

"Don't you think it's unfair?" Hux asked then.

Ben pulled up an eyebrow and looked at Hux who was still smiling.

"What is?" He asked.

Hux’s eyes gleamed deviously.

"That you've seen me like this numerous times and I haven't even sneaked a peak yet."

Ben started to go red in the face.

"But I'm not like you..." He mumbled. "I'm not strong or anything."

Hux huffed.

"You don't have to be." He said. "Why would you have to be like me?"

Ben shrugged a bit.

"I just thought I would be disappointing with... How I look."

Hux snorted then.

"I told you I was yours." He said then, slowly sliding the tie from Ben's neck. "You won't disappoint me."

Ben sighed a little and shrugged out of the suit jacket.

"I'm sorry." He murmured.

"Don't be. Never be."

He looked at Hux then, concentrating on the fond turn of his lips and the softness of his eyes. He unbuttoned the shirt and pressed close to Hux again, feeling his hands settle on his sides.

"See... You're handsome too." Hux mumbled against his ear as he kissed Ben's cheek. "I love how those black curls settle here"

He touched Ben's shoulders a bit.

"They look so soft."

Ben smiled and let Hux touch his curls. No one, -except his mother but that doesn’t count-, had ever said he was handsome or even slightly good-looking. Hux hands followed the line of Ben’s spine, the smooth white skin feeling soft under his fingers. He touched the other black freckles too, just like the ones on his face, before he hugged Ben closer.

"You won't escape now." He breathed next to Ben’s neck. "You're stuck with me for life now."

Even with his eyes closed Hux could feel Ben smiling. This was good, they were good, inseparable. At least that's how Hux felt right now. He placed some soft kisses on Ben’s throat. Ben shivered a bit and tried not to let out some form of whine. It felt very good, soft and warm. He put a hand in Hux's hair and let it slide through his fingers. They shared their kisses until the sun was down. Hux had pulled Ben up on the couch, and like this there was place for both of them, Ben draped half over Hux's chest.

"Bran..." Ben murmured, tracing his fingers over one of the scars on his chest.

Hux hummed, almost asleep already.

"Do you think they will ever go away again?" He asked.

"I don't know... Probably not..." Hux answered, taking Ben's hand in his own instead. "Why?"

"I don't know..." Ben sighed. "I just don't like the reminder... These wounds almost killed you."

Hux let out a deep breath and opened one eye.

"They are not a reminder of my near-death." He simply said. "They are evidence that I'm stronger than I look."

He pulled the blanket up over Ben's shoulders a bit more.

"Go to sleep. It was a long day."

They fell asleep in each other’s arms. Hux held Ben pressed against his chest, giving him the warmth of his own body. It was a calm night, only the wind made some noise. The absence of other people in the old city gave it a quiet yet comfortable feeling. Hux woke up at the first rays of sunlight falling through the windows, pouring over them and the room in beautiful gold. He looked down to find Ben still asleep against his chest, his breaths like small tickles on his skin. Hux smiled and softly caressed Ben’s hair, pushing stray curls from his face. It had been a while since he had slept this well. He felt rested, not rushed. It was as if the world finally stopped spinning at the dizzying speed it had seemed to take on in the past months. Hux pulled the blanket up a bit more, draping it over Ben’s shoulders. It had fallen off a bit in their sleep. Softly he kissed Ben’s forehead and sighed contently, he looked so peaceful. Those black lashes fanning over full cheeks, lips rosy pink and slack, his rather large nose occasionally twitching in his sleep.

Ben was the only one that did not keep him on edge. His own family always made him nervous with the fear of failure, that his dad would look at him and judge him unworthy. Or the other fear, of being found out- discovered; hoping every day again that they would not know what he had done with his life. Speaking of that life, the people in the Order were competitive, they were not looking for a social interaction, only for their cause. Ranking up meant beating others to the punch, and everyone wanted to rank up- Such was the truth. Even Phasma was not quite that close. She was his best friend, and he trusted her with the world, but still- Not like he trusted Ben. There were so many things he did not want to tell her, because he would be afraid she would laugh at him or tough it out. He could look Ben in the face and tell him that he was afraid and Ben would just smile and tell him that it was healthy for him to be afraid. He didn't tell him to man up, to shake it off. He would just hold his hand and say that Hux would not have to be ashamed of all the things that made him human.

Hux wanted to tell him that he would not go through with this mad idea of theirs. They would just make the old city their home and live in a little country of their own. They would fall off the grid here, together and roam the Old City like wanderers, never lost, but simply existing between these age-old ruins. But those were dreams for boys... And he could not be a boy anymore, even if Ben said that he could. Boys did not rule countries, they did not become Emperor. He could not allow himself these simple things, not forever. Maybe that was what made these few moments that he did get a lot sweeter. He felt Ben stir a bit, gripping tighter at Hux's side as he shifted himself more comfortably before sighing out.

"What time is it?" He slurred.

Hux chuckled at his sleepy tone.

"Early morning." He answered. "You can nap some more if you want."

Ben groaned a little and nuzzled closer, pressing himself into Hux’s arms for more comfort.

"Just for a while then."

Ben yawned and closed his eyes again. Hux kept holding Ben, listening to the soft sighs of his breath. He allowed his mind to wander to the future. He painted himself a picture, he would be older, more secure in this life. He would be at Ben’s college-graduation, ready to take him along to travel. They would both just leave- See the world, together. Ben would grow up tall and handsome, somewhat rugged maybe even, with a crooked but cheerful grin and his long hair still crowning his head. Hux would be well-dressed, successful and loved, having finished his term as Emperor a year before already and the Order had stopped being a necessity. They would be carefree, normal… Free.

"Good morning again." Ben croaked an hour later.

Hux smiled, slowly drifting back to the present at the sound of the boy’s voice. Ben also smiled as he looked up in Hux's eyes.

"I like waking up like this." He said, grinning as he snuggled closer.

"Let's make this our spot."

Hux shifted his arm a bit so he could hold Ben better.

"Only for us."

Ben smiled and nodded.

"I like that." He said.

He pressed himself up a bit and looked at Hux. He had his bed-hair again, spiked up on one side from rubbing against the couch's back-rest in his sleep. Ben snickered and kissed Hux's lips, even when he protested that they would have morning-breath.

"Shut up." Ben murmured. "You smell fine."

He grinned and slid his palm over Hux's cheek.

"And your hair is hilarious."

Hux grumbled and pushed him off a bit, reaching for his phone. He saw he had missed a whole lot of messages. Most were from people on the Academy, wondering what the hell had happened these past weeks- How the fuck it came up in him to run for Emperor and if they could get a nice internship or something if he did win. He did not need to reply to them. They never were his friends, if anything some of them were bullies. Only Phasma really ever was his friend there, the rest were just hovering around him in hopes to get a good word in with Hux’s father for a career-opportunity. He yawned a little and looked at the other messages. Moira had texted him that Snoke had visited Thrawn, raging at him and looking more than a little panicked. In order to really smash Thrawn they needed to move today. Moira had recorded the conversation between Thrawn and Snoke, it was theirs to use. He would just need to make his move there as well. He sighed and excused himself to Ben so he could call Phasma and Unamo.

"Hey..." Phasma answered with a croak in her voice. "Need anything?"

Hux snorted.

"If you are not too hungover I need you and Unamo today... Snoke talked to Thrawn, we have the proof we need to bring him down."

She let out a lazy laugh.

"Wow... That is going to be so awesome. Can you imagine his face when we show up there? The master of spies- Outspied!"

She sighed then.

"Alright... When?"

"Uh... Tonight. We have to use the moment where the Order gathers for evening announcements." He said then. "I'll call Unamo to set it up for us."

Phasma hummed.

"Yeah... No need, I got that." She murmured.

"What do you-"

"Who is it?"

He heard on the other end then, sleepy and just as hungover as Phasma.

"Oh... I see." Hux snorted. “Dinner is never just dinner huh?”

"What... Uni is kinda cute." Phasma protested. "We'll call you when to meet us."

Hux gave his affirmative. Ben was still draped over the couch when he turned back.

"You have to do stuff again?" He asked.

"Yes." Hux answered. "We need to take over the First Order tonight, before the leak with Thrawn is patched away by Snoke."

Ben pouted a bit. He would have liked it if they could've stayed here another day, but he understood some things had to be done first... He had heard Hux drone out his plans so often already after all.

"Alright then. But you are going to be careful. Really, really careful… Got it?"

"Yes of course, wouldn’t dare to miss another date with you. But first; let's get some breakfast, I'm starving."

They put on the clothes they had worn last night, suit jackets and shirts that they had discarded. It was all a little crumpled and wrong, but it would do. Hux brushed his hand through his hair to make it conform to something reasonable again, hoping it wouldn’t look too bad. When they were ready they left the room, taking all those stairs down to street-level, walking the corridors that led under the city until they were back in the present. Hux took Ben to a simple bakery where they sat down to eat a quick breakfast. As they both started to eat, Hux grabbed his phone to set a place to meet with Phasma and Unamo, face blank as he tried to patch off the small hiccups that could occur if they weren’t careful enough.

Hux made arrangements to meet them a few blocks away from the subway station and he sent them Moira's recordings of Snoke's conversation with Thrawn. The contents of it would be damning, no officer of the Order would be able to deny what had gone down… They would all know. There would be no doubt that Snoke and Thrawn were working together, and they had talked about Hux's murder too. There was nowhere to hide and nothing to say. It would be impossible to lose this battle- And yet it did not feel like a victory. Hux sighed when he put down the phone and looked at Ben.

"You need to go home." He said. "Your mother hasn't seen you there in ages."

Ben grimaced. He wanted to stay around Hux for as long as he could.

"Besides, I cannot take you to the Order either. You're not an initiate and they wouldn't take it very well if I just brought you with me… Let’s not forget that they are all capable of the same things I am. I don’t want you in the middle of such a thing."

Ben hummed and smoothed out the creases in Hux's jacket. Suits like these did not do very well when they had been on the floor for a night. They looked a bit too crumpled, especially the white one Hux had been wearing.

"Fine. But you are going to call me the moment you did it... I'll be a nervous fucking mess all day until you call- I just… I worry for you."

Of course Hux made an easy promise of it, simply tucking Ben's hand in his and giving it a pull.

"Come. I'll walk you home." He said with a small smile. "It would be the least I could do. I should give your mother a more sincere thank you as well while we’re at it."

"She'll demand that you stay for lunch." Ben said then.

"Ah... Well, sacrifices must be made."

They walked to Ben’s house at a rather leisurely pace, enjoying the weather while it was still pleasant. Ben did not speak much, but he did think a lot about what would go down tonight. He was worried sick. It was like Hux said… The Order was full of killers, trained killers… What if they decided they would rather be loyal to Thrawn anyway? Hux wouldn’t stand a chance, he would be slaughtered. Ben wouldn’t be able to take that… Waiting for Hux’s call, without it ever coming- Never seeing him again… His body- He shook his head and gripped Hux’s hand tighter. No… Bran had prepared for this too, they had their own little army- It would be okay. He almost did not even notice that they were back at the apartment until Hux asked if Ben had his keys with him. As they arrived at the front door Ben let them in and took them upstairs, sighing when he remembered the last time he’d walked this corridor… Hux’s blood smeared along the walls. Ben’s mother was busy and turned when she heard the door open.

"I almost wondered if you had forgotten were you lived Benjamin." She said smiling when she saw the both of them.

Hux apologized for bringing Ben home so late, but Leia just waved it away, saying that they were old enough to be out for a night.

"I would also like to thank you again for helping me yesterday." Hux continued.

Leia smiled.

"If you really want to thank me stay for lunch. I haven’t had a chance to properly sit down with my son in a while, and I bet you haven’t had a normal lunch in a long while either. Have a seat."

Ben let out a laugh and winked to Hux as to say ‘I told you so’. Hux smiled and sat down at the table, the same chair he had settled on the first time he’d stayed here. Leia did not push him for talk about the Emperor-run, or about the attacks. She just made small-talk, talked to him about Ben’s past at the farm and what he was like as a little boy… It was oddly mundane and comfortable- And Hux chose to cherish it and drag it on well into the afternoon. By the time they truly ran out of conversation Leia had already started to make plans for dinner. Hux excused himself from that meal, saying he had an appointment with friends that hadn’t seen him for too long.

"I'll call you." Hux said before kissing Ben softly. “I promise.”


	12. An old man falling and a cry for help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh I don't know where to start with this one. Maybe you could all figure it out by the bucket of fluff I dumped last week, but this chapter is far more glum in nature. It was even harder to write than the confrontation with Snoke- Because the dynamic here was so different. Also, it's the first time that Hux starts to truly experience the backlash of what he is doing so I needed to deal with that too. If you want to see something neat and nice to cheer you up after the chapter, looky here: [Awesome picture!](http://epselion.tumblr.com/post/148316811333/epselion-so-my-fic-my-lovely-story-the-boy)
> 
> Between us, it looks like that punk might be getting his own story now as well, because *some* people are terrible enablers. (but i love you)

Hux looked at the time when he left Ben’s house, the heavy clock of the nearby church ticking away seconds audibly. It was silent outside, people weren’t out much, the sky was full of rain that was just waiting to fall, the skies a looming dark grey. Hux would have to hurry too, not because of the rain, but because it was already much later than he’d thought it would be. He was going to make it just in time, and he would have to run for it. He did run for it, taking a few shortcuts that left his suit smudged. His mother wouldn't be too pleased about that for sure- But it did save him enough time to be a little early. He met Phasma and Quentin at their appointed spot, a parking garage that wasn’t used much during the weekends. They were already waiting for him when he arrived, the van parked in a corner somewhere. He greeted them and hopped in the back of the van to change his suit for his First Order uniform. It had been in there for a while now, he had not needed it anymore until now.

The rips and holes had been mended at most places, almost invisibly so. Unamo was good at patching the holes away, which was a good thing, Hux was quite attached to his uniform. It felt good to be back in these layers; secure and familiar. He pulled up the hood and looked at his friends. They looked nervous too. Phasma pulled her hood over her face as well and Unamo got behind the wheel of the car. She wasn’t wearing her uniform… She wanted nothing to do with the Order as it was now. If she would return it was only after Hux would clean it up. She was already known to have defected, she made no secret of it. It was not the same for her… She had felt too guilty, being partly responsible for so many events that had only put Snoke in a better state for his run as Emperor. The raid with the car had even been one of her suggestions… Not knowing who the attack would be aimed at. It made her sick to know that her signature was on documents that prepared something so despicable.

"And?"

Hux asked eventually, when the silence became oppressive.

"Most of our officers are here for the promotion of Mitaka. It’s during the regular evening announcements. It's the right moment, given that most of the Order will be there to see the initiation- Thrawn will be there too, doing the honours."

Unamo smiled thinly, patting his leg.

"Now or never Bran."

Hux nodded, trying a thin smile as well. This was it then… The end-game. They would throw everything into Thrawn’s face when he would walk into the room. He could not escape this, not now. His entire organization would be there to see, to hear… Everyone would be witness to it. He was afraid of their reaction… He was not Thrawn. Most had served this organization for many years already- A loyalty that had to run deep. It was supposed to be a loyalty to a cause- A calling, but how many would be loyal to Thrawn alone? He was just an ignorant kid compared to the Grand Admiral- What did he know really? The truth. He knew the truth, and it was his duty to tell it, he needed to bring this house of cards down, or nobody ever would. Being afraid of it was a selfishness he could not afford.

Hux took the lead as they walked towards the Citadel. It was quiet as expected, as they all took their positions to scout the place. It was another hour before the announcements would start, but they wanted to be sure they could get in before that and wait out the right moment to move in. Everything went smoothly, they got into the Citadel without anything going wrong. Moira had said this time was always quiet lately, and she had not been wrong. There was barely anyone to be seen as they all made their way to Moira’s room. It was left unlocked and they entered it to wait out their chance. It was the longest hour in Hux’s life. He felt sick, shaky. The Citadel was so familiar, it was home- But it felt so fucking toxic, so tainted. He wanted to leave- Just leave… He was fast enough, he could run and nobody would be able to catch him.

“Bran…”

Phasma grabbed his elbow.

“Don’t drive yourself mad like this.”

She gave him a rueful smile and sighed.

“You’re brave… But please remember you are not alone okay?”

He simply stared at her and tried to smile too, to nod… He couldn’t. The only thing that came out of him was some sort of choked whine.

“I don’t want to do this.” He managed to say.

“You have to.” Unamo said. “For your family, your friends… Ben.”

Hux did nod then, weakly.

“Yeah… For Ben…” He echoed.

Phasma made him stand then, giving him an intent look, as if she could somehow radiate a form of strength into him.

“Come. We do it now.”

When they arrived in front of the right door Hux took a deep breath. Indeed it was now or never, each passing second made his knees weaker after all, and he feared he was no longer able to even walk if he waited any longer. He grabbed the doorknob and stepped inside. It wasn't like the day before with Snoke, that he walked in with absolute silence, gone unnoticed. This time the eyes were on him the moment the door opened, which was to be expected from the Order of course. He pulled down the hood and looked at Thrawn, who was giving him a look that was mixed between abhorrence and a sort of defeat. Maybe he had always been expecting it, deep down. The voices stirred again, of surprise and confusion, wondering how he was still alive, why he'd been declared dead if he was not. Hux didn't grin at Thrawn, he didn't feel victorious. With Snoke he could relish in his shock and the knowledge that he was about to crumble. He felt only anger and betrayal towards this man. Thrawn represented the one group that fought for justice, for a better world. He had tainted what the First Order should stand for. He looked up at Thrawn and watched him step back, cautious.

"You know why I'm here. Do I tell them or do you want that last shred of dignity to be your own?"

Thrawn gritted his teeth. He wasn't saying anything, he only looked at Hux as if he saw a ghost, something that he had assumed to be gone. He looked sad in a way, like he felt bad for the fact that it had to come to this. Hux felt no pity for him. This was the man that had caused his father’s death, his brother’s death- Giving Snoke the men for the job… The same man that had knowingly sent him off to die when he went hunting for the ones responsible. He had trusted him, idolized him… All these years- And now he was here, at war with that very same man. Hux’s jaw tightened and he took another step forward followed by Phasma and Quentin.

"Last chance."

He fished his phone from his pocket, ready to play out what Moira had recorded earlier that day. Thrawn held up a hand.

"Alright. Fine." The man bit out.  

Hux joined him on the front steps, giving him a warning look.

“Speak, tell them.” Hux hissed.

Everyone in the room turned from Hux to Thrawn, trying to figure out what could be going on. Some of them knew of course… The ones that they had confided in- Mitaka being one of them. All others had not even the slightest clue, but Hux would not leave before that confession had spilled from Thrawn. The man grabbed his arm.

"Snoke will destroy you." He said, not as a threat... More of a warning. "You do not know what he is capable of. You are a child, a boy… You cannot think you are a match for him… None of us is."

Hux snorted.

"We are the First Order. It is our duty to fight these men without regard of our personal destruction." He said sharply. "I do not fear Snoke."

“Of course you do. You aren’t stupid. You are afraid of him, you know what he can do… And if you are clever you turn away before you do something you will forever regret.”

Hux huffed and tore his arm free, then turned to the other officers of the Order that were sitting there.

"Grand Admiral Thrawn has been in league with our enemy, Senator Snoke. He conspired to have my father, my brother and me killed. He has corrupted the Order to work for Snoke. Missions that we have been put on have only helped Snoke’s position in power- He has abused the oath we all take and made the blood stick to all our hands."

He looked at Thrawn then.

"And I can prove it too."

Thrawn clenched his jaw and shook his head. It was as if he took pity on Hux, for trying to keep their ideals alive. He probably thought that he was doing the right thing by playing into Snoke’s hand… But he was only taking the easy way out, there was nothing noble in that.

"Do you want them to hear what I have on you?" He asked then.

Thrawn straightened, looking tired more than anything.

"No need." He sighed. "Our young officer is correct. Snoke has tempted me to his cause. There are some we simply cannot defeat. The Order has been doing his work for about 4 months now… He is a menace that we cannot hope to defeat."

Hux lowered his head at the cries of outrage and treason. The ‘if you cannot beat him, join him’-mentality did not fall well with the others- nor with him. It still felt like a bitter, bitter victory indeed.

"You know what you have to do then boy... Take it if you think you can do what I could not."

Thrawn spread his arms.

"Kill me and see how long you last in this merciless war."

Hux flexed his arm. He knew he had to, it was his claim and accusation. The First Order knew no mercy for its traitors. If he would make his claim on the Order he needed to kill Thrawn to prove his point. A conviction of guilt, they called it. The accused would be killed as he confessed, but it was always the task of the one who had made the accusations in the first place. Hux would need to kill his old hero, for the sake of the future. He flicked the blade out and drove it into Thrawn's ribs with one fluid motion, making the other groan loudly.

"I always said... You would go... Far... With your father’s blood in you." Thrawn murmured before he fell over.

Hux stepped back and let the blade slide back into its casing. He looked at Mitaka, who gave him a small nod, as if he wanted to know if it was over. Hux clenched his jaw and slowly straightened out, his hand dripping with blood, too familiar, too wrong. Now he was General, Grand Admiral would only be his rank when the Order would choose to completely submit to him as they had to Thrawn, an officiality… But it meant the same. He was the highest commanding officer of the First Order. He owned the largest power-network underground. It would need time before he was able to say that out loud. He had too much to prove now, it was truth on paper only. The silence was icy as Hux turned to the crowd of officers. He tried to keep his head high, but his fingers were trembling. He clenched them into fists and breathed out sharply.

"We have rats, men of ours who were corrupted to do Snoke's bidding knowingly. They have known for months that we fight for the man we tried to stop. These rats must be wheedled out of the Order, if we wish to be what we stand for ever again. Those who can bring me the ones that betrayed us will find themselves promoted." Hux announced then. "We will need to restore our ranks, our purity. The First Order is the fear of the corrupt, not their ally!"

The room filled with noises again, some of shock, others of distrust, but most of disgust. They had all been cheated at the worst level. They killed, committed such a heinous crime- Thinking it was all for the better of the world. They had been lied to. The chatter slowly died down and the crowd stood, lining up in front of the front steps. As one, they all gave the call they used in the Order to Hux as to acknowledge him for now. A fist to the chest and head lowered, silent and unspoken, but strong. It felt weird, utterly weird. Hux could not think of the right things to say, if anything he felt that weird weakness return to his legs. He did not move however, but scraped his throat instead.

"I will not let you down." He promised. “I will fight Snoke, fight all who threaten the Western Nations, and should I fail I will die knowing that others will take up the cause after me… For we are one.”

He lowered his head and stalked off, slamming the door behind him as he walked to the staircase of the main hall, half slumping on it, almost dry-heaving at the way his stomach contracted. This was nothing like the day before. This was not like Snoke’s rally, where he’d felt elated and victorious, like he might actually be able to pull all this off. He felt ten times smaller, like the eyes of dozens of predators were drilling in his back… A beast looming over him, ready to rip him to shreds.

“Bran?”

It was Moira’s voice. He looked up in time to see her close the door behind her, softly.

“Hey… What is it? You- You did what you wanted.”

“I didn’t want it.”

She hummed and sat down next to Hux.

“I know. You sacrificed a lot for us… For literally everyone. Nobody will forget that. It will be hard, now… But it will pay itself back.”

Hux twitched his nose and shook his head.

“I’m not ready for any of this.”

“Of course you are. You have the most important bit. Your heart is in the right place- And you are willing to follow it. The rest is stuff you will learn, stuff that others can help you get right.”

Hux snorted a bit and then shook his head. Moira hummed and turned his face towards her, studying him.

"Okay... You look better." She said, patting his neck. “No longer quite that pale, you seem quite healthy actually.”

"Of course." Hux answered. "I had an amazing nurse."

Moira snorted and punched his arm.

"You shouldn't need one again. I'd rather never have to see you in that hospital-wing, you know… Not for anything that cannot be helped by a Spongebob patch."

“I wore one Spongebob patch in my life. It was the only thing they had in that place.”

They both laughed a bit and then Moira stood.

“We should visit Thrawn’s office. There could be something in there that rats might want to destroy. You rattled some cages here for sure.”

He smiled and gave her a quick embrace.

"I will find a way to repay what you did for me. I promise."

She smirked.

"You're gonna buy me a pony?"

Hux let out a snort and shook his head.

"Sure. If you want one I will put it on that miserable patch of grass in front of your house."

They reached Thrawn's office then, and Hux slowed as they approached it.

"What is it?" Moira asked.

"I've reported to this room since I was eleven. I used to feel nervous about what Thrawn would say, the way he judged my work made it valuable."

He looked at the bloody rim around his blade.

"It was as if he was untouchable and wise. And he wasn't..."

Moira smiled lightly.

“I think that the man you reported too would have said the same thing. He would have laughed at the idea of working with Snoke… Until he lost the resolve. Thrawn was old… Tired. He was not the same man anymore.”

Hux bit his lip. They were standing in front of the door now. The one where Thrawn wouldn't be sitting behind anymore, waiting for mission reports. The one door that would be leading to Hux's office now. He grabbed the doorknob and opened it. It was normal, like Thrawn had only just left to get a coffee or something.

"Let's get started on sorting all these files out now." Moira said softly.

Hux nodded and walked in, looking around before stepping behind the desk, hesitantly seating himself in the chair. He would be like Thrawn was in his younger days, still executing missions even when he led the Order. He would be good at it, no doubt. The Academy had turned him into a diplomat, from early on he had learned how to unite parties and make your own wishes and demands sound reasonable to the ears of others. It was the most sophisticated form of manipulation, and he was good at it too- And he was a fighter too, his kills nearly as clean as his politics. He just felt small, vulnerable to all those that didn’t play fair. He had hoisted himself up on a very, very high step, one that was desired by many… They wouldn’t think twice about kicking him off, no matter how far the fall down was. He pulled a drawer out and sighed when he saw all the paper in it. He wasn't sure if he could do this now. It was late, the evening started to seep into the sky and he had only just killed Thrawn... He shut the drawer again and stood up.

"No. Not yet." He mumbled. "We'll be back for these later."

Moira sighed, tried to protest that Hux needed to do this at some point.

"Please... Yesterday I started my claim as Emperor, today I became the prime commander to the Order... I need to let it sink in... Is that so hard to understand?!"

Moira held up her hands.

“I’m just saying… You cannot stall for too long. There could be important documents in here that-”

“PLEASE!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!”

She hadn't expected the strong reaction, but she could understand it. It had to be a lot to take in, the pressure that he had dragged onto himself. Moira sighed.

"Alright, I'll let it go for now, but you can't let this lie around for too long."

Hux huffed out a breath and ran his hands down his face, wiping at the skin until it was red and glowing. It helped him… That way he wouldn’t start to cry.

"Thank you.” He said with a very unsteady voice.  “I just need tonight to make sense of everything I have gotten myself into."

He leaned back into his chair again, taking off the gloves and biting at his fingernails almost compulsively.

"I'll leave you alone then for now."

Moira smiled lightly and left the room, leaving Hux to think on his own. Hux leaned on the desk, burying his face in his hands completely. It all seemed so unreal still, his head would not stop rushing. He went to the bathroom eventually, throwing up most of the contents of his stomach and drinking a lot of water. When the bad taste had finally left his mouth he was somewhat coherent again, allowing him to think what still needed to be done, and only then he realized what he had forgotten. He had to call Ben. The boy would probably be a nervous wreck by now. How long was it since he had left Ben’s house? Hux grabbed is phone and pushed Ben’s speed-dial. He was picked up in seconds. He could always count on his quick replies… It was quite endearing.

"Bran? It’s- it’s you yes?"

Hux chuckled a little.

"Yes Ben... It's me."

He heard Ben sigh out in relief and smiled a little.

"You all fine?"

Hux hummed.

"Yes. Not a single scratch... Thrawn had sort of... Accepted his fate. No resistance."

Ben let out a soft chuckle.

"That's good for once. I mean, blood looks nice on you, but not when it's your own."

Hux rolled his eyes.

"You know... I'm still not sure if you are sane." He said. "You are too okay with me being a killer."

Ben laughed at that.

"Well, I don't know. You are too okay with actually being one for that matter."

"Yes, well... You got me there."

Hux sighed and sat back in Thrawn's chair.

"I'm not okay though..." He murmured, putting his head in his free hand. "I feel like I'm going to drown."

He turned away from the door a bit.

"It's as if I suddenly realize what I have done... What I own now... I just... I can't cope with it. Ben- Ben it’s too much… I can’t breathe and I don’t know why. I knew what I was doing- Then why can’t I take it now that it’s there?"

Ben said his name softly.

"Bran... It's okay." He said. "You're strong... And you're not alone. You have me, Phasma, Quentin... Your mother... You don't need to do all of this alone."

Hux sighed.

"But nobody seems to understand that it suffocates me. It's infuriating."

"Because they know that side of you. It’s all they ever see of you; the strong, rational guy who has everything under control. I get that, because you are like that when others are looking. You always know what to do. People are already relying on you more than you think."

Ben had wondered how Hux had managed even until yesterday. If it were him he would already be a big mess, then again, he wasn’t made of the same stuff. Hux was made for this, his school taught him this, his father, his entire family-name… But there were limits.

"I know it's going to be hard when people don't get you, but it'll be fine. I will always know, I will be listening. You can do this- Because I have seen you do so much already… Okay?"

Hux smiled. He needed this, to hear Ben’s voice, his calming words, reasoning that it would be fine.

"Thank you. I just don't know how I would ever get through this if you weren't there."

Ben let out a warm hum.

"I'm glad that you let me."

Hux stood up from the desk and clenched his jaw a little as he felt another stab in his gut.

"I do wish you were here though." He mumbled as he leaned against the door. "To see your face."

Ben was quiet for a moment.

"You want me to come over?" He asked then.

Hux sighed and shook his head.

"I do... But it would not be smart. The balance is too delicate, and the rats are still between these people. I couldn’t put you in danger like that for my own needs."

He walked out the door instead, deciding he would just sleep in his own room, if it was still free anyway. He locked the door and walked to the small room that he had used all these years.

"You know... If you change your mind... Just call me out of bed, even if you need to talk again." Ben said. "I promise that I'll pick up."

Hux snorted.

"You need your sleep."

Ben huffed.

"I can sleep some other time. I'm more worried about you right now."

Hux smiled. He was getting that warm fuzzy feeling when Ben said that. He opened the door to his room. It looked exactly the same as the last time he was in here. It was empty now, but there was still a blanket and pillow on his bed, it had been left alone… Thrawn hadn’t assigned it to some new recruit at least. Hux sighed as he sat down on his bed.

"Let's get some sleep Ben. You need it and so do I."

He let his head rest against the pillow. After last night it felt colder without Ben sleeping in the same room as him.

"If I can I might sneak by tomorrow, but no promises. I'm not sure if they are going to let me leave."

"Aren't you their leader?" Ben asked with a bit of a whine.

"Leaders have obligations Benjamin."

He heard a huff.

"Don't call me that... Or I will start calling you Elan."

Hux snorted and pulled off the clothes that he did not want to wear in bed, stripping down to his underwear before he settled under his blankets.

"Sleep well Ben." He said before hanging up.

He sighed and turned on his other side when he had put his phone on the edge of the desk. He needed to sleep, maybe that would ease his mind. It took another hour before he finally fell asleep. It was nothing like the night before with Ben. That had been blissful and quiet, now he was plagued by nightmares. Constant fear of being chased, poisoned, watched. He felt like there was a rope around his neck, ever tightening, phantom voices laughing and following him through corridors that he could never see the end of. He woke up in a sweat at least six times, swearing he could still hear whispers around the room. The sixth time he swiped his blade at the empty air and let out a frustrated shout, It was barely five in the morning, but the nightmares were worse every time he had gone back to sleep, he didn't dare to do it again, fearing for his own sanity if he would fall back asleep. He wiped at his face and buried it in his hands, clawing his nails into his forehead.

"You did this to yourself, you did this to yourself..." He kept repeating to himself. "You have no right to pity yourself... It was your own choice."

Hux grit his teeth, trying to control his rapid heart-beat. A shower was what he needed, yes… That would do him good. He grabbed his clothes and walked to the bathrooms. He was still feeling uneasy. It felt like he was still sleeping and this was just another nightmare. He stepped in one of the cubicles and turned on the water. He let it fall on his head as he leaned against the wall with his hand. He might as well get started on the work he had to do when he was finished. Sleeping was no option, not now, and he needed to take his mind off the images that were circling in his head because of the dreams he’d had. When Hux felt like he was going to dissolve in the water if he stayed there any longer, he turned off the tap. He grabbed his towel and dried himself. After he was fully clothed he put the towel and soap away. He felt a bit better, no longer quite as haunted and sweaty- But still. It would have been so much better if he could just hold Ben for a while. It would give him the energy he needed. Ben wasn’t here, and he wouldn’t sulk about it, there was no use- So he set off towards the office again, unlocking it with a heavy sigh. He sat down at Thrawn's desk and started to filter through the dozens of papers, re-arranging them into a system that made most sense to him. He tried to commit the information to memory and wrote down anything that struck him as specifically important or strange. He was making his own archives of Thrawn’s records… He had to learn, if he wanted to lead these people right and even in death Thrawn could teach him that. By the time that Moira came to see the office he was through two drawers of files.

"Oh... Boy..." She huffed. "You look dreadful."

She closed the door behind her.

"Did you sleep?"

"I was unconscious in a bed for a while... I would not call it sleep however." Hux grumbled. "I woke up more exhausted than I was before I went in."

Moira sighed a bit then and settled on one of the spare chairs.

"You stress too much."

Hux looked up at her and then glared.

"I stress too much?" He repeated. "How... Is my life not stressful?"

She shrugged.

"That was not what I meant." She tried to ease him. "You just... Need to stop seeing it as such a big deal."

Hux shook his head.

"It IS a big deal. I slip up... The whole thing comes crashing down."

He grimaced and wiped his hands on his trousers.

"You know that people my age stress about combining their finals and weekend-plans? I would very much like to say that I had that problem too. But no, I have to stress about balancing being General of the First Order and running for Emperor, oh and finish school while I’m at it."

Moira sighed.

"I know... I don't understand what it’s like... I really don't. You want to know what I do know? As a nurse? You are going to run yourself into the ground like this. You have to find a way to cope."

Hux shook his head. Useless words. He knew what he had to do, to find, to erase and what more, but it was one thing to know… He just could not actually do it.

"If you find a nice coping mechanism I'll be more than willing to take it on, but at the moment I'm not seeing all this fly out the window so easily."

Moira took a deep breath. She didn't know what to do with him now. It was useless to talk to him, a spiral into some form of anxiety.

"Don't be like that, Bran. I'm only trying to help."

Hux huffed. He shook his head and shut her out, chewing on his fingernails again, staring off into the distance. Moira sucked in her cheek, knowing she’d completely lost him for now.

"I need to check up on some patients, but I'll be back soon, call if you need help eh?"

Hux watched Moira go, barely acknowledging her. She didn't have to come back if it was up to him. Not if she wanted a nice answer, because right now he wasn't capable of being nice to anyone; except maybe Ben. He didn't mean for it. He did not want to be nasty, to hurt their feelings. But he was a nasty person under stress, and he had never been more stressed in his life. He worked until he could no longer read words on the papers he was holding and he realized that he had not eaten since the lunch that Ben's mother had offered him... Which he had thrown up before he went to bed that night. It was starting to make his stomach feel too empty, made it groan and whine for something to eat, please, please eat. Hux did step out of Thrawn's office then and walked to the mess hall, hoping he would not be stared at or something. He did not know what the people of the Order thought of him. They probably thought he was too young, power-hungry... Maybe even mad with a thirst for avenging his family. He did not actually care what they thought though. He could not find the energy to care.

"Hey."

He snapped his head up and sighed when it was just Phasma.

"Hey..."

"You look like shit." She said with a snort. "Uneasy sleep hm?"

He nodded a bit.

"I can imagine... Maybe you can ask Moira to get you some pills for that."

"I'm 18, I don't want to be on drugs at this age already."

Phasma let out a laugh.

"True that."

They walked to the tables with food, seeing what was left on the trays. Hux grabbed some bread with bacon and eggs. He also got some soup when he figured he should just eat more to be nice to himself. He could use something to warm himself too after all. He couldn’t shake the feeling of being too cold all morning. Together with Phasma he walked to a free table and sat down. Not too long after Unamo joined them.

"I don't want to push you, but you need to come up with a campaign-plan together with Leia soon. Snoke is going to be busy finding a way to nudge you out of the race." She said while she took a sip from the drink in front of her.

"I know." Hux echoed.

There wasn't enough time to finish everything. Today he would finish most of the documents in the office and tomorrow he would make an appointment with Leia to discuss their plans. Somewhere in between he needed to make time to see Ben too. He missed him more than anything. He took a bite from his bread and hummed. It tasted good as usual. He ate in silence, listening to the simple conversation that Phasma and Unamo had about their homework for the Academy, Unamo mostly telling her about what it was like when she was still attending, laughing about stories from teachers she knew too. Hux knew he would probably need to drop out of school as it was now, and he did not like it. He wanted to finish his degree, do something normal alongside all this. Not that he would have the time for it though. He was so exhausted already. He wanted to sleep again, the way he'd slept before, with Ben. That way he had actually felt rested and okay... Like it was not impossible to take on this goddamn world. Phasma poked his arm, asking him to weigh in on the discussion that she and Unamo were having.

"I don't know." He sighed. "I didn't hear you two."

Unamo snorted.

"You need an early night." She said. "How many more files to go?"

Hux huffed out a loud breath.

"Too many." He said. "At least another 50."

Phasma shrugged.

"We can help you... Just ask."

Hux smiled.

"No... I have to go through those myself... I know what to be looking for."

He finished his meal and excused himself. Back in the office he grabbed one of the many files left. He opened it and began reading it thoroughly as he had with every file. Until now he hadn't found anything out of the ordinary. He would have been surprised if Thrawn would leave his secrets out in the open like this. Later on he needed to check for hidden boxes, double bottoms and whatever he could come up with. If Thrawn had kept records of his rendezvous with Snoke it would be hidden somewhere here, but Hux was most interested in finding word of Thrawn’s accomplices. The sooner he could get rid of the bad apples, the sooner he could start putting the Order back up against Snoke as it should be. He put away the last files and started to probe the lines of the desk for any switches and nooks that he could have missed. He had taken off his gloves to do so with his bare hands and still the wood felt too smooth.

Hux knew for sure however that Thrawn had kept his correspondence somewhere. He was a man of records and leverage. He would have kept what he had dealt in, always in case he would need to use it against Snoke at some point… To make sure his corrupted officers wouldn’t come blackmailing him. Hux knew however that he was trying too hard to find it now. He wasn't using his head, or his eyes, he was just blindly patting the wood and compartments, blunt nails scratching and palms tapping against surfaces that never sounded hollow. He needed to let it rest. He finally sighed out and sat back in the chair, shoulders slumped. He wondered if his father would be proud of all this... His achievements, his drive, his ambitions. Maybe he would just disapprove though, shake his head and mumble that Hux was far out of his depth, that he was an ignorant boy, picking fights that were not to be fought by children. He wiped his hands over his face, eyes burning from all the reading, and let his hands drift to his pocket before taking out his phone.

"Hey Ben." He texted. "I would like to meet with your mother tomorrow... Think she would mind if I stayed over tonight already?"

He only had to wait a few seconds.

"Mom was already expecting you'd say that. She asks if you want to have the meeting at our house or the city tomorrow."

Hux thought about that a moment.

"Just tell her that it is fine either way, whatever is most convenient to her."

He smiled a bit and then continued.

"I will be there in half an hour. I need to go home to change clothes first."

His brain had gone offline, he couldn’t keep looking anymore, it would only look desperate. Hux got out of his chair, put some remaining files back and walked out of the office, once again locking up. A few minutes later he was outside the Citadel, breathing in the fresh air of the evening before breaking out into a run, eager to get home. His mother wasn't home yet, so Hux went up to his room and got some clothes to visit Ben in. He put on some simple black pants and tucked in a lavender shirt. He stepped into the bathroom to fix his hair a bit, rushing it along, not caring when some strands wouldn’t stay parted. Before he knew it he was outside again, walking towards Ben’s home, deciding to take a bus before he would be completely at the end of his rope. He was so tired, emotionally exhausted even. He hoped, really hoped, that Ben would make it all right again. It took him less than the half hour he had said he would need to reach his house. He rang the bell and almost immediately the door opened, Ben had been waiting in the hall apparently. The boy was grinning again, like he was almost every time that Hux had come to him. This time he cupped Hux's face in both hands and kissed him before he was even over the threshold. Hux smirked a bit at his giddy antics and stepped inside, closing the door behind him as he kissed Ben back.

"There." Ben finally mumbled when he pulled away. "You look like you needed it."

Yes… All was well, as long as Ben was there, all was well.


	13. A string of kisses and a sense of home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think I was going to be able to do this chapter in time. (I felt awful yesterday) But this chapter virtually wrote itself. It came out real well, and I still made my deadline. WIN!! Also, if you like my writing in general, please stay posted for a new fic I'm going to start posting soon. See you next Thursday with the next chapter.

Hux smiled a bit and straightened out when Ben let go off his shoulders.

"Do I really look that awful?" He asked when he heard his back pop.

He was stiff from sitting in Thrawn's chair all day. He was sure he looked haggard, he could see it on Ben’s face that he thought so.

"Yeah, you don’t look so good today... Bad night?"

"I'm just stressed... It will be better soon."

He did not know if he was assuring himself or Ben with that though. Ben ran a hand over his neck, fidgeting with the soft hairs that gathered in his nape and smiled thinly as Hux looked at him like he was his everything.

"Mom bought marshmallows... Want to make hot chocolate?"

Hux sighed, as if he was going to say that he was not a child anymore, but before he said such a thing he just shrugged and smiled.

"Yes, I really, really do." He admitted.

Ben chuckled a little and invited Hux to follow him up the stairs to their apartment.

"Can you still see- You know..."

Hux made a face at the thought.

"Traces..."

Ben turned and shook his head.

"No... Mom had some cleaners come over... It's all settled. Not a single drop of blood left."

He walked back a few steps to pull at Hux's wrist.

"You won't even see that it happened."

"Good." Hux said, but his voice still sounded pinched.

He could remember it all too vividly. It was the first time that he had come back here since he’d dragged himself to this place after the ambush. He’d thought it wouldn’t be such a big deal- After all, this place was mostly good memories and happiness to him. Right now though he felt the sinking feeling, the reminder. He had been so afraid when he’d walked in here. He had come here to die in peace. He had come here so that Ben would find him, so that he could be sure he wouldn’t be chopped up and made to disappear- He had not thought he would live at that moment. He let Ben pull him up the stairs while his head mulled over this.  

"Is your mother still at home?" Hux asked when he saw that the kitchen and living-room were empty.

"No, she needed to run a quick errand, but she'll be home to make dinner."

Ben opened the fridge and grabbed the milk. He knew that Hux was different than usual. He was even more quiet, he looked pale and apprehensive. He was sure however that Bran would find a way to get over it. He just needed to give him a breather. Ben stayed silent to let him think, opening the cupboards in search for the cocoa-powder. In one of the cabinets he found the mix he always used when making hot chocolate. Hux watched him warm the milk in a small pan and wrapped his arms around him.

"I missed you."

He let his head rest on Ben’s shoulder. Ben smiled and patted his side. Missed him- They had only been apart for like a day. He grabbed two mugs from the shelf and carefully poured the hot milk in both of them. He stirred in the mix and absently hummed when it was all done.

"Here."

Ben handed one of the mugs to Hux.

"Careful it's still hot."  

"Thank you."

Ben grabbed the bag of marshmallows too as they both walked to the couch to have a seat. He pressed his nose against Hux's throat when they were settled and grinned a little at the huff that Hux let out before turning his head to place a kiss on Ben's cheek. He felt the stress flow out of Hux with each passing second. He could feel the way his body relaxed, sagging into the couch a bit more and his guards coming down enough to let Ben in.

“You feel better?”

“Loads.”

Hux sighed out and looked at the ceiling. Being with Ben was like coming home. Every time again it was like he was welcomed in some haven. The warm mug in his hands, for one, it was a comfort that he was not familiar with anymore. The last time he'd had hot chocolate was some 10 years ago, a bloody long time at least. It was a children’s drink, that he only ever got when his father was away and his mother saw that he was cold. A bit of a secret between the two of them. It smelled so nice, homey.

"Did it go well... At the Order?" Ben asked softly.

"Without a hitch actually." Hux said. "I told you that Thrawn knew… And because he was so lewd about it, the officers made no protest. It was surreal… Sad- Might have been the most horrible day of my life."

He sighed a little and shook his head.

"But please, let's talk about simpler things."

Ben nodded.

“What's your favourite movie?" He asked, ripping the bag of marshmallows open.

"I don't know." Hux answered.

"That is not an acceptable answer."

Hux rolled his eyes and leaned back, stealing a few of the spongy white pillows to dunk in his chocolate drink.

"Your favourite song?"

Hux once again said that he did not know.

"You are so fucking lame." Ben laughed then. "What's your favourite food then?"

Hux chuckled and tilted his head to the side.

"I don't know."

Ben looked in his eyes and then gave his face a tap.

"You need to have a favourite food."

"I don't." Hux simply answered. "There is charm to so many things... It always depends what you are in the mood for."

Ben snorted.

"Well, yes that's true, but there's always one thing that's a bit more charming than the others. You know- That one thing that people can wake you up for in the middle of the night."

"Not really."

Hux shrugged. Ben’s jaw dropped a bit.

"Really? You don't have anything you like more than everything else?"

Hux smiled softly.

"I have you."

Ben’s face got a bit red by the sudden confession. He still couldn't control the heat in his cheeks whenever Hux said something like that. It still made him giddy.

"You are the most importing thing to me... Always."

Hux leaned towards Ben and kissed him softly.

"You sure?" Ben murmured against his lips.

"Mhm."

Hux smirked and kissed Ben's lips a few more times before he put his head on Ben's shoulder.

"So... What is _your_ favourite food?" Hux asked then.

Ben laughed and shook his head.

"Well, I have to say that I am quite smitten with the food from the Oriental Republics. I’d never tasted anything like that before."

Ben snorted and looked up at Hux then.

"But you taste best."

That made Hux almost spit out his first sip of hot chocolate, covering his mouth with a hand.

"You little imp..." He mumbled.

Ben cackled at him and shot him a grin when Hux wiped his lips clean.

“What…? It’s true. Your mouth tastes amazing…” Ben sighed. “And I bet the rest does too.”

"You are fifteen." Hux said, his ears bright pink.

"Yeah... Which means puberty, which means I'm not exactly innocent anymore."

Hux shook his head and placed a light kiss on Ben's cheek.

"Obviously... But there is a lot about you that is still pure." He said then. "Naive and young... Such as your habit to try and befriend an assassin you see committing murder."

Ben let out a bit of a dumb giggle.

"That was only you... And... There was more to it than that. It was your face, your expression... The way you looked at me."

Ben put a thumb under Hux's eyes, as if he could wipe the dark circles from under them.

"I just wanted to meet that boy... Tell him that I was alone, and that he was alone too in his own way, so that we could be alone together, have something that was only ours." He sighed. "I just wanted something in this city that I could finally just not hate, but... You know... Love."

Hux hummed. He knew what Ben meant, what he had seen- He could see it in Ben’s face too… That idea of not belonging among these thousands of people.

"You found the boy eventually. Still think you made a wise decision to love him?"

Hux grabbed one of the marshmallows, trying to make his question sound like a joke- But he wondered about it. He wondered how often Ben wished that none of this had ever happened, that he had just let it rest. Never talked to Hux, letting the moment they met be all there ever was. Yes, he did wonder about that… So often.

"Obviously."

Ben grinned.

"Don't you dare question that."

Hux held up his hands in defeat when Ben punched him for it.

"I wouldn't dare."

Ben laughed.

"But if I’m your boyfriend, and you are Emperor and leader of the Order, does that actually mean everything is mine?"

Hux snorted.

"You wish. It wouldn’t even be mine… You don’t own the world and its people.. You serve it. Besides- I will give you whatever you want already- Regardless of what I am."

Ben shrugged, then grinned. He was glad Hux was so honest to him, so good… He could see this sort of conversation made him easier as well. He seemed so much looser than he had been when he just arrived. His back had looked so stiff and his face tense. Now he was sagged in the pillows of the couch, taking small sips of hot-chocolate as he looked at nothing in particular. He liked the smile on Hux's face, it was unforced and real… It was meant for Ben. He let his fingers slid along the side of Hux’s cheek.

"What question can I ask you that you won't reply with ‘I don't know’, I wonder? Your favourite colour, music, school-subject?"

Hux smirked a bit and shrugged.

"Why do you want to know?" He asked.

"Because I want to know my Bran." Ben huffed. "I know you kill people, that your family was almost completely murdered... But any good and normal things, I got nothing on you. I only just know your name. Huh, how am I supposed to get you birthday-presents or stuff like that if I don’t even know what you like."

Hux hummed a bit and set down his empty mug.

"Alright… I like pink, instrumental music and Management studies." He sighed then in one breath.

"Do you have a driver's license?"

Ben sagged farther into the couch, munching on the remaining marshmallows.

"Yes." Hux answered.

"Do you have a car?"

Hux shook his head.

"I don't... But there is a motor bike at the Citadel I use sometimes."

He grinned a little.

"Why? You want me to take you somewhere?"

Ben grinned.

"I wouldn't mind. Just going away for a day or two. A small vacation."

Ben was already forming the images in his head. Just the two of them alone; away from the world. They wouldn’t have to do anything in particular… But it would be nice and quiet.

"Let's just do that then. Let’s just go away together."

Ben’s head shot up.

"Really?"

Hux hummed.

"I need to finish all the stuff we set in motion here first though, but we can go when everything has died down somewhat."

"Ahh... That's going to take forever." Ben sighed.

"Just be a bit more patient. It will be over before you know it"

Hux took another sip from his hot chocolate. The warmth was wearing off, but it was still so good.

"But you'll need to pick the location."

"Why?" Ben asked.

"Well, because I wouldn't know where to go." Hux laughed. "Much like songs, movies and whatnot, I have no particular place in this world that I want to see."

Ben snorted.

"Not a single one?"

Hux shook his head.

"It's not that I do not have an interest in the rest of the world... I just wouldn't know where to start."

Ben grinned.

"Take me to where the food comes from." He said.

"The Oriental Republics? That is going to need a flight... And more than a few days too."

Ben shrugged.

"I don't care." He mumbled. "Just take me there, we'll go away for a month and we'll burn your phone and not come back until that month is over."

Hux simply hummed and drank the last of his drink in one go before sitting all the way back in the couch.

"Okay. I will take you there." He said. "Sometime. I promise."

They heard the front door open before they could fall into wild plans of what they would do there and what they wanted to see. They both looked up as Leia walked inside and smiled as she saw the boys. She set her bag down and walked over to kiss Ben on the cheek, who of course tried to squirm away as much as he could.

"It's good to see you again, Elan." She said when Ben went as far as to jump behind the couch to avoid her.  

"Likewise."

Hux smiled lightly, trying not to laugh at Ben’s bitter grumbling from behind the backrest.

"I'll go start on dinner. It will be ready in about half an hour."

Both boys nodded and Ben fell back onto the couch again as Leia went into the kitchen. He scrubbed at his cheek and rolled his eyes when he heard Hux chuckle.

"Want to watch a movie after dinner?" He asked before they could start a discussion on it.

Hux shrugged.

"Sure."

"You're picking one though… No excuses."

Hux sighed a bit and shrugged.

"Fine." He mumbled. "I hope you have the patience for it."

He sat back and leaned on Ben's shoulder as he tried to stop mulling over all the tasks he still needed to complete. It seemed like there would be no end to them. The list was so vast and he seemed to have so little time. He reprimanded himself mentally for thinking about it each time, but he could not help it. Every time, just a word or two would remind him of the tasks and he would feel that unease again. That mental image of the massive wall, him being nothing but an ant at the foot of it. Ben poked a finger to his cheek.

"Stop thinking about it." He said softly. "You came here to reduce your stress... So I forbid you to think about the things that bother you."

Hux snorted.

"You forbid me? But I could not possibly control my thoughts."

Ben rolled his eyes and slipped his hand on Hux's wrist, under his sleeve, touching the brace of his blade and staring at his face.

"Just think about the night before last night... You were so calm then. Try to get that back. It will be good for you."

Hux hummed.

"That's partly dependant on your doing though."

He sat up a bit.

"You do know the only reason I could be that calm was because of you. You being there, it seems to dull everything that’s bad."

Ben let his fingers follow the lines on Hux's hand, tracing the tendons that ran from his knuckles to his wrists. Somehow his hands had survived all of this mess without ever getting scars.

"You should come over more often then. I’m always here, waiting for you… Except when I go to school of course. Mom is going to murder me if I miss another term."

Hux smiled.

"I wish I could, but I'm a too busy. Besides, if we were together every minute of every day- I think you would soon take back that idea. It’s never good to be that close together at all times. It would be too suffocating. You need space- I need it too, to think or to vent off whatever is swirling in my head. It makes time together a thousand times sweeter."

Hux was going to try to come over as often as possible though. He needed him like water, it was never the same again to be alone since he had met Ben. He had always managed fine on his own, repressing and stilling his pains and fears. With Ben he had somewhere to come to be safe. He had a place to talk freely and to stop being a robot. Ben was a light, a hope… A need.

"Boys, dinner."

Ben grinned at him and kissed his cheek before leaning to his ear.

"I promise you will sleep well tonight." He said.

Hux smiled and held his hand.

"You know what that sounds like right?" He said, causing Ben to turn beet-red and slap his arm.

"Damn it Bran..." He murmured.

"What?"

Hux grinned.

"You were the one that said it."

Ben pulled him up to his feet and they sat down at the dinner-table. Tonight Leia had made food that Hux was more familiar with, a simple version of pasta with sauce, but with good ingredients.

"Oh... Wow, you look very tired honey." Leia tutted.

"Yes. I have been told." Hux sighed exasperatedly. "It was not a good night. But well, I've pulled nights through for projects so I will survive this too."

He picked up his fork.

"Where are we meeting tomorrow?" He asked then.

"I invited some of my campaign advisors over so that we can meet here." Leia answered. "I know Ben loves to keep you close and I hoped you could cook for the both of you later. I need to meet with Senator Snoke in the evening."

She smiled a bit.

"He requested an audience with me, no doubt in hopes to make me reconsider this whole business."

Hux smiled a little and nodded.

"Of course. I will cook for us." He said.

He had once promised Ben after all and then he didn't even do it.

"Good. But let us first finish today and then we will see about tomorrow when it gets there."

Ben grinned and nudged Hux's arm.

"Yeah, mom doesn't like to take her work home."

Hux smiled. He knew exactly what Ben meant. He could imagine, so he stopped asking, instead tucked into his meal. They eat their dinner talking about nothing much, just some all-day subjects. It was nice, a conversation without having to think too much. Leia had even prepared a dessert. She had taken a small chocolate cake with her. It was a sense of normality that seemed to come from somewhere far in the past. A fog of earlier days- When things were simpler. His own mother had to go to interviews often these days, so most of the time he ordered something or went out to eat. The mansion was often empty, quiet… It wasn’t really home anymore.

"Shall I help you with the dishes?" Hux offered before he could think on it too much.

Leia shook her head.

"You boys go do something fun. I got this."

Hux smiled a little and did end up helping her by clearing the table. Ben was quick to snatch him away after that though. He dragged him to his bedroom by the wrist and closed it behind them. Hux sighed a bit and looked around. It felt like he had not seen this place in ages. Ben's bedroom was a little different though. It was not as messy as before. He seemed to have cleaned up a bit. Hux smirked a little when he saw Ben tuck away some loose clothes as well. Staying at Hux's house for a while had been of some influence no doubt. It was always impeccably clean back home, and it seemed that Ben had suddenly noticed the clutter he had been living in when he got back home.

"So... Movie?" Ben asked.

"Oh... Right... Uh..."

Hux sighed and crossed his arms a bit.

"How about that one that came out a few months ago? The one with the girl that lives with all those monsters in the attic?" He asked.

Ben frowned a little. He had expected Hux to pick something sophisticated and deep. He seemed the type for movies that had thought and subplot everywhere. But maybe it was the opposite... That he wanted to stop thinking and think about a simpler life, simpler times.

"Yeah, I have that one."

Ben sat down next to Hux and let him wrap an arm around his shoulders. He liked this movie well enough, although it wasn't made to be one of his favourites. His favoured genre was close to what Hux would probably be doing on his missions most of the time.

"Why did you choose this one?" Ben asked while they were watching a slower type of scene.

Hux shrugged.

"Not too sure. It seemed okay and I don't have to focus too much."

Ben hummed. He glanced at Hux whose eyes were fixated on the screen. He wanted to make those dark circles disappear and with the stress he thought he could still see on Hux's face. Sure, to the average person he seemed perfectly at ease- But Ben knew him, he could see the way his lips pulled down at the corners or the way his fingers picked at his clothes a bit too often. He leaned against Hux some more and slung an arm over his chest, nuzzling up just under his chin, once again inhaling a good breath of that cologne he used.

"I'm glad that times look good now." Ben murmured. "I look forward to us having some good things."

Hux looked away from the screen and into Ben's face.

"Me too." He admitted, kissing Ben on the nose. "I'm sure that we will be able to properly date after a while. You’d need to buy more suits though... Probably."

Ben laughed a bit and then pouted.

"You will buy them for me... Right? I mean, my allowance doesn’t do pricey stuff."

Hux rolled his eyes and shrugged.

"Sure." He simply admitted. "As long as you wear them, I will buy them."

Ben nodded and softly kissed Hux's jaw.

"I will... But right now I don't want to talk about suits."

He cupped Hux's face and pushed straying hairs from his forehead. The way they could be this close, unblinkingly staring in each other’s souls… That was something Hux could never imagine to have with anyone else. The way Ben would start smiling like he was so lucky, brown eyes straying to his mouth every now and then… It was simply too good.

"Tell me what you need me to do to sleep well." Ben said.

Hux shrugged a little and shook his head.

"I don't know... Make it like it was in our place."

Ben smiled lightly. He had an idea how to make that happen. Their place.... Somehow he needed to get the feeling of the room in the old city back in his own. The isolated feeling of being blissfully alone. Ben stood up and put on some of the smaller lights in his room. Then he turned off the large lamp on the ceiling. Hux followed him with his eyes, smiling lightly. The room became more cosy with the smaller lights that would glow a weaker orange than the bright white of Ben’s regular lamp. It made the white painted walls look more inviting and the shadows spread farther- Looked longer. Ben sat back in his spot next to Hux who immediately wrapped his arm back around him. Ben smiled and turned his face to Hux.

"Is this getting closer?"

He softly kissed him. Hux hummed.

"Yes it is..."

Ben turned off the movie too. They had both stopped watching it anyway. With the silence that fell they could hear the city again, the restless cars and noises of distant people yelling or talking. It was a noise that never seemed to stop, so Ben smiled, sitting in front of Hux and covered both of his ears with his hands before kissing him again, lazily, like the night before. There was a certain unforced calm to it. Neither of them needed to hurry this, nobody would push them or try to make it end faster. It was the one thing that nobody in the world could dictate. He felt Hux's hand slide over one of his wrists and the other settle at his waist.

"Ben..." He murmured.

Ben opened his eyes and looked at him.

"Yes?"

"Would you still love me if I wouldn't be with you?"

Ben frowned.

"Why do you ask?"

He didn't understand what Hux was saying- He did… But he did not want to understand.

"If I would need to go away for a while... To keep you safe... Or for any other reason... Would you move to a simpler love?"

Ben shook his head.

"No." He said stubbornly. "You said you were mine... And if you are mine than I am yours. It's only fair."

Hux smiled. He seemed relieved at Ben's answer.

"Do you think you need to- Go away?"

Hux shrugged.

"There is no telling what Snoke is going to try now that-"

Ben clamped a hand over his mouth.

"No." He said. "I cannot help you sleep if you bring up any such things. Talk to me about good things only."

He smiled then and nipped at Hux's jaw.

"Like... How well I can kiss you... Talk about that."

Hux snickered.

“But if I talk about it, you can’t kiss me anymore.”

Ben huffed a bit and placed the tip of his index-finger against the soft dip under Hux’s nose.

“It appears we have a problem there…” He murmured absently. “How would we ever solve it?”

"How about I don't talk and just kiss you back?"

Ben shrugged.

"That's up to you. But..."

Hux grinned and pulled Ben closer; kissing him again before he could say any more. His hand rested at the back of Ben’s head keeping it in place, fingers ever so softly holding on to his hair. Ben wrapped his arms around him.

"Don't ever leave without giving me a heads up though."

"I wouldn't dare."

Ben hummed contently before pressing their lips together again. Hux soon forgot the stress he had been holding all day. Ben was good at distracting him. He let his eyes slip shut and slowly leaned back until his head rested on Ben's pillow. Ben was leaning over him, one hand leaning on his hip and one on his shoulder. Hux almost grinned when he could feel Ben's fingers start to sneak up under the hem of his shirt, testing if he would be allowed to take it off again. Hux didn't complain for a moment, simply ran his hand further into Ben's thick hair while the other had a gentle hold on his cheek.

"Bran..." Ben murmured against his lips. "Bran... Can I ask you something?"

Hux hummed a little and pulled away just enough that he could look in Ben's eyes.

"Why do you not want to be called Elan?"

Hux hummed.

"I'm named after my mother." He said. "I just... Did not want to be like her. My father was always very intense about being a man, behaving like a proper man... And somehow, the fact that they just made a male iteration of her name for me- It pried at my confidence. It might not be fair to her… But my dad put so much pressure on it I started to hate it."

Ben nodded.

"And since Brendol was your dad's name you liked it better?"

Hux shrugged.

"I did not want to be him either... That is why Phasma started to call me Bran... Which is both names... Merged into something new... Something that was mine."

Ben smirked.

"Well, if it grows old you could always just go by Emperor... Or General..."

Hux let out a snort.

"As if I would ever do that."

Ben grinned.

"You never know."

He rested his head on Hux shoulder. Hux closed his eyes again and held Ben closer. He was starting to drift to sleep. Ben smiled and closed his own eyes, pleased with himself when he could tell that Hux was verging on the border of dozing off.

"Good, go to sleep now. I'll be by your side the whole night."

It didn't take long for Hux to fall asleep. He had been tired from the lack of sleep the night before. It was a peaceful night. Hux was slipping into a nightmare early in the night, but Ben just held him closer and placed a few soft kisses along Hux's jaw when he started to notice the nervous twitches on his face. It helped a lot, he watched the tension slip away with each soothing touch. Hux slept the whole night without waking up. Ben slept only when he was sure that Hux would be easy enough to sleep calmly. It wasn't too late anyway- Ben had all the time to sleep some other moment if need be. He was sure that all was well however when Hux was smiling in his sleep and his lips ever so softly murmured the word ‘Ben’.


	14. A lazy morning and talk for old men

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, and we are back! School has started again and I took one week to settle in there. As promised I am now picking up the story again. This chapter is second to last for this story, after that, I will continue with a part II. I hope you will all come and read that too when the time comes :)

When Ben woke up the next morning Hux was taking up most of the bed, flat on his stomach with one leg sticking out. Ben almost laughed at him. He looked wiped out, like he had been in desperate need of sleep. It was obvious though; how the dark shadows were so much lighter now. There was a sheen of darker skin there, but you would only see it if you were as close as Ben was. He still had Hux's arm draped over his waist, so he carefully set it aside and left to take a shower. He was as quiet as he possibly could be when he closed the bedroom door behind him, keeping his eyes on Hux as he shut it with only a soft click. His mother was making breakfast as he walked over to the bedroom.

"Good morning." She said to Ben, not looking up from slicing the fruit for some salad. "Sleep well?"

Ben nodded and grinned at her.

"Bran is amazing." He sighed out. "I love him so much."

She gave him a light frown when she turned to look at him, specifically at the blissful smile on his face.

"Aren't you two a little young to be-"

Ben made a face.

"Eugh! No! Mom!"

He felt his cheeks burn hot, colouring beet-red immediately.

"God..."

He immediately headed into the bathroom to escape from whatever dreadful conversation could possibly follow. The door closed with a slam and she could hear the vague sound of cursing. Leia simply rolled her eyes.

"Well, good to know that I don't have to worry about that yet." She mumbled to herself.

It would already be weird enough to campaign with her sort of son in law. At least she wouldn't have to take him aside and give him the awkward talk right after they had agreed on the future of their country.

Ben hurried into the shower as Leia returned to making breakfast and turned it on. He let the water run over his head to cool it a bit. How could his mother ever-... He shook his head and grabbed the soap. What he had with Bran was not like she thought. They were not even remotely ready for such a thing. There was too much that had happened between them that needed to be processed first. There were a lot of such memories in this shower alone already. They all involved blood, Hux’s blood in the cracks between the tiles and the wounds looking bad; like he was about to die. Ben washed himself quickly, suddenly quite queasy with the thought of being in here too long and dressed into the clean clothes that he had grabbed earlier. He walked out of the bathroom and into his own room without really looking at his mother. Leia was grinning at him when she saw him. It was quite funny how flustered he still was about this.

In his room Ben found Hux still asleep, still on his stomach and dead to the world. Ben smiled at the sight. Hux looked so peaceful, like any normal boy, uncaring and with simple worries. Ben sat down and watched Hux sleep, lightly touching and nudging his shoulder until the other slowly opened his eyes.

"Good morning sleepy head." Ben snickered.

Hux blinked lazily before he scrunched up his nose in hopes of supressing a yawn, but it still came/

"Good morning." He said back, voice a little hoarse. "What time is it?"

Ben shrugged a bit and checked his phone.

"Just a bit past nine." He said. "So you can shower and get dressed, and then have breakfast before you and mom need to meet for Emperor-related business."

Hux hummed and closed his eyes again shortly before he sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and patting his face a bit to shake out of his stupor.

"Can I borrow some underwear?" He asked. "Forgot to bring a night-bag."

Ben chuckled and fished up some of his unused briefs. It was so nice to keep seeing Hux wander around in underwear though... It was a good look. Ben liked looking at him, admiring him… It was like staring at a painting that you loved, but this one moved, making it new every time- Yet so utterly familiar.

"Give me ten minutes." Hux said as he walked out to find the bathroom.

He closed the door behind him and smiled thinly at Ben's mother when he noticed her at the counter of the kitchen.

"Good morning." She said, much like she had said to her own boy not moments ago.

But then her face fell at the sight of all the scars he had on his body. She stared a bit at the way the skin was twisted and damaged, so painfully obvious against the boy’s pale complexion.

"Ben told me that they had tried to kill you... But-"

She tried not to look disgusted, Hux could tell.

"How many even-"

"Nine." Hux answered, sounding a little more pinched than intended. "Nine bullets."

He pursed his lips a bit.

"And then some that are not from bullets."

Leia shook her head, not saying anything in reply. He could see it on her face though, how she thought that he was just a child... That these men had been monsters.

"I uh... I should-"

He gestured to the bathroom weakly.

"Yes, of course. Sorry." She said. "If you want there is an unused tooth brush in one of the drawers too."

Hux nodded thankfully. He made a small note to himself not to walk without a shirt again when he slept at someone else’s house. It would be to tiresome to explain things like these every time, to be looked at with horror and pity every time again. Besides he didn't really like to think back about it much either. Despite the coolness he managed to pull off near Ben, he did feel quite uneasy about his brush with death. Too close for comfort- It damaged him more than he dared to let on. Hux took a quick shower and borrowed the tooth brush he found in the second drawer. He dressed up in his own clothes again and straightened them out, fixing his hair accordingly. By the time he was finished Ben was already sitting at the table motioning to him to join them. They had a breakfast with some bread, eggs, and the fruit salad Leia had been chopping for. It stayed relatively quiet over the course of their meal, but not in the awkward sense… It was like sitting there and collectively taking the time to wake up. If anything it was quite comfortable. When they were finished Leia cleared the table and filled up the dish-washer.

"My advisors should be here in a few minutes and then we can start the meeting."

Hux nodded. He was feeling a bit nervous by now. He wondered what kind of people Leia's advisors would be and how they would react to him. Ben got up from the table and kissed Hux's cheek.

"I'll be in my room." He mumbled. "I still need to do my homework."

Hux nodded and held his fingers until they slipped from his hand. Leia hummed.

"I will not lie to you though... Your father's plans do clash with the Resistance party. In order for us to run together we need to resolve the issues."

Hux nodded and twiddled his thumbs.

"Don't worry. I'm not planning to sail the course my father was on." He assured. "I know things that he did not... And well, I do have my own opinion on matters contrary to what he liked to think."

Leia nodded.

"Fair enough."

She closed the dish-washer and turned.

"The opposing parties will try to undermine whatever you say with the argument of your age." She said then. "So, whatever you are going to say, make sure that you know where exactly you stand. If you doubt, they will pry and topple you over… And the rest you have ever said will lose credibility. The ice is thin in this little world. At the first sound of cracks you back the hell out before it can break- Do you understand that?"

Hux nodded mutely. His father used the same sorts of analogies. Sharks waiting to eat you whole, pretending to be a shark not to get eaten. Treading carefully, learning how to play an unreadable bluff, knowing your chances and taking only calculated risks. He knew it all. He just hated that it worked like that. The doorbell rang and she patted his back.

"Don't fret too much about these guys though. When I talked to them they were elated to hear we joined forces."

With that she disappeared to the hallway to pick up her associates. Hux fidgeted with the brace around his wrist. One would think killing was more nerve-wrecking than this... But that was anonymous, this was about him as a person, people trying to tear through him to find leverage, weakness, something to hate. Yes, this was definitely worse than murder. Hux followed Leia nervously with his eyes. She came back with her advisors, all men a lot older than he was. Hux stood up and shook the hands of the advisors, looking them in the eyes to assess what they thought of him. Leia motioned at the table and they all sat down.

"Let us get right to it." Leia started off. "As you all know we are here to discuss the plans we have to make together, so that Snoke won't be the one winning this campaign. This is not about who is right, we must agree to form a power-block. Every person at this table will let the others do their word. No interruptions, no ridicule. I will not see us give Snoke something to latch onto in order to secure his victory. First of all though we need to see how our ideas-"

She motioned between herself and Hux.

"-Differ from each other. As I understand you're not going to follow the road your father had in mind."

"That's correct."

He did feel scrutinized though. These men were looking down on him in a way that reminded him of his father. Like he would not know anything. The way their lips were pursed, their eyes hardened… A wall of scepticism that was almost tangible pulled up in front of them.

"My father was very adamant about sending new troops to the colonies of Europe, to keep the peace. I think we need to first settle our own country's unease." He said then. "If the European Colonies rebel they are going to go right through us, the Nations are divided already and at the chance of war the morale for our own troops would be abysmal. The Colonies would trample them on sheer will-power alone."

He wrung his hands a bit.

"I suggest putting that same money in enhancing our educations and infrastructure instead. They yield effect fast- Something for the people to physically notice getting better."

Leia gave him a pointed look.

"And what of your father's Stormtrooper programme? You would see that disappear too?"

He shook his head.

"No. Not at all. It is an essential programme for making sure this country has the protection it needs and deserves... Besides, it offers job opportunities and solid education for our poorer citizens."

He looked at the advisors, they seemed surprised that he was educated.

"The programme does have a bad and cruel reputation." Leia said.

"I know... My father was never known to be charming. But the actual programme is good, it just needs to be put in a different light... I solidly believe in it."

Leia hummed.

"We do need more troops to keep the peace and to make sure we won't be attacked by the Colonies. I do think the young senator has a point; if we could make the programme more humane. I cannot support it in its current state."

Hux would have snorted if he had been in other company. ‘The young senator’, he didn't like to be called that. He personally did not see many changes to be made in his father’s programme. He military was not meant to be soft. Soldiers and fighters were not meant to be coddled and handled with a gentle touch. It would make them too soft and yielding. He simply shifted the conversation away from the topic instead, making sure they would not argue about it at that moment- Later… When it would become relevant… Then they could talk about what the Stormtroopers could or could not be.

They talked for what seemed like hours to Hux. He didn't know how his father could handle listening for so long. It was simply exhausting. In most cases Hux found they actually agreed, but even then topics needed more fine-tuning and that meant more talking. It would be nice if they could just finish this and he could get back to Ben, take him to some place where he wouldn't have to think about all this stuff. He needed a break already, from the nit-picking, from the nuances and the endless details. He did make a big effort not to look as bored as he was. He kept his posture straight and his eyes sharp. But on the inside he started to lose track of some of the words, forcefully putting himself back in the conversation each time the voices around him started to sound like a blur. Despite his efforts he saw Leia notice. She was looking at him and suddenly smiled knowingly.

"How about we leave it with this for now?" She asked her advisors. "I have a dinner appointment with our rival and I would love to talk with you three about what to make of it."

Hux sighed and nodded.

"Yes, that sound like a good idea. Thank you."

She smiled.

"You'll grow into it." She assured him. "All these boring old people will start to make sense at some point."

She made sure the others did not hear.

"Are you staying until I will be back?"

Hux nodded and stood up.

"Yes. I hoped to stay over another night and then I will need to go home... Try to go back to school tomorrow."

Leia nodded with a light smile.

"Good. I'll see you later tonight then, I will tell you what Snoke is trying to use against us if I can pry that from those greedy fingers of his."

Hux said his goodbyes to the advisors and walked to Ben’s room as they started to talk about Snoke. He opened the door to his bedroom and smiled a bit as he let himself in. Ben was sitting on the floor, playing one of his games. He put his controller down the minute the door closed and looked up at Hux.

"How was it?"

Hux walked over to the bed and let himself fall down on it.

"Just as you’d expect those things to be."

Ben sat down next to Hux.

"That bad?"

Hux nodded his head, lacing his hands together behind his neck.

"It took all my energy to stay awake- or at least look awake. I guess if it was up to those men, your mother’s advisors, it would take the whole night too."

Ben chuckled.

"That's what you get for doing an old people job."

He leaned over and pressed his lips to Hux's shoulder.

"It's not for old people... It just happens to be a job that is full of old people." Hux said, clarifying it with a huff. "But yes... It really is lethally boring."

He looked at Ben and pushed his hair from his face. Ben's hair was always so free, just tossed in whichever way it fell in the morning. It was nice, wild… Untamed.

"More lethal than the whole First Order thing?" Ben asked, draping himself over Hux even more, showering him in little kisses until Hux squirmed a bit.

"Stop it." He laughed. "You are smothering me."

He sat up and leaned against the wall.

"But yes, it is exhausting... I chose for it though... I have to go through with it."

He grabbed Ben's hand.

"Let's go out." He said then. "I don't have to play dead anymore, the weather is good... I mean... You could use the sunlight as much as I could, we are pale as shit."

Ben snorted.

"I'm not sure the sun is going to make any difference for you."

Hux let out a laugh.

"Maybe not the way I want it to, but still we could use some daylight."

They got up when it was decided, leaving the room to get their shoes and coats. Leia had already left for her dinner appointment. She had left them some money for dinner. Not that it was necessary. Hux would have paid for it anyway. They headed outside instead. It was still quite hot, but not the sweaty and humid kind. Hux took a deep breath, looking at the deeper golds of the setting sun. It had been too long since he had been outside for more than two minutes.

"Let's grab something to eat on our way."

Ben nodded and held Hux's hand. It was a bit funny, holding his hand in public.

"Are we gonna be in tabloids now?"

Hux looked at him and let out a snort, shaking his head.

"Probably not... Senators are boring."

They started walking to the park now that the sun was still warm enough.

"But you are a cool Senator."

No answer. Maybe it was better to enjoy the silence. It had something peaceful, connected with their laced fingers and taking in the city that whirled around them. It made them insignificant and unimportant, and for once it felt good to be just another set of people among the thousands of others. Nothing different, nothing setting them apart. They walked around for a while before they settled against a tree. The late afternoon came with a low-standing sun that made things seem lazy and peaceful. It was warm in all the good ways. It was like all was right.


	15. A secret revealed and a bitter goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well you guys, this is it. The last chapter for the story!!! I can't really believe I finished this thing... (well there is now the sequel but still) I hope that many of you will be reading the sequel too, and that you will like the direction that the story is going to take. I will start on the story next week, and I hope you guys will be there for it :)

By the time that Ben and Hux were in the park, Leia had arrived at the restaurant where she would meet Snoke. It was flashy and expensive, just his style. It was a bit excessive, but it would be necessary. They had allowed him to set the place, and if he wanted to talk they better humour him. They met Snoke at a bit of a secluded table. He looked surprisingly smug, sitting there like he were Emperor already.

"Ah Senator Organa, so good to see you found the time to meet me." He said with a sly grin.

"What do you want?" She asked as she sat, her two advisors taking place on each side of her.

"I wanted a talk between us grown-ups... About our younger colleague."

He grinned a bit.

"The young Senator Hux has a few little... Stains we might wish to discuss."

Leia pulled up an eyebrow.

"I thought this would concern something like campaign plans?"

"It does."

Snoke was still sitting there with the grin on his face.

"I'm sure you want to think about your campaign plans after our talk."

Leia leaned back against her chair.

"You probably don't know about our young Senator’s other interest."

Snoke laced his fingers together.

"What do you mean?"

Leia frowned. Snoke’s eyes started to twinkle as if he was going to tell her his masterplan. He had something- He was feeling joy… And Leia did not like it one bit.

"Let me first ask a few questions. Do you know what truly happened to the lawyers downstairs or how exactly the little Senator got injured?"

It seemed like Snoke knew everything that went on in the city. And he did, he did know everything; at least the things important to know. Leia frowned and shrugged. Snoke smirked a bit and handed Leia an envelope. She took it and gave him a wary look.

"Your eyes only Senator... Consider it... A sign of good will."

Leia frowned a bit but looked at her associates and sent them away.

"What is this?" She asked.

"No worries..." Snoke said. "Open it."

Leia pursed her lips and looked at the seal before breaking it. Inside were a few photographs. They were from the day of the murders, pictures showing a hooded figure escape the scene of the crime.

"Mysterious little chap isn't it?" Snoke said. "Now look what showed up at the wreckage of Senator Hux's death."

Leia flipped through the photos to another picture, taken at nightfall at the wreckage... The same hooded figure. And then a few of a clash, after which- She stared at the last picture.

"Of course... I know that if I put this out there our young friend will fire back with what he has on me as well..."

The Senator chuckled.

"But I thought you should know what you were dealing with... Really dealing with."

Leia stared at the picture and then looked up at Snoke. He was grinning widely as if this just marked his victory.

"This does not mean I'm joining your campaign."

Snoke held up his hands.

"Certainly not. I just merely wanted to inform you with what kind of person you’re dealing with."

Leia nodded.

"Thank you for the invitation for this meal Senator Snoke, but I should get going."

Snoke nodded.

"I'm sure you have a lot to think about."

Leia left with her advisors in tow, leaving Snoke with a smug grin on his face. Leia kept the envelope with her, she did not think she would believe it if she would not look at it again. That face- So clear that there was no hesitation that it was HIS face. Bloodied and scraped- Tainted from committing murder. He was such a lovely young thing... It almost did not seem right. But it was there... And that same boy was with HER son. She was almost fuming, how the child had played her. He seemed good and right, and he was a goddamn murderer. She drove straight home, knowing that she couldn’t allow that little demon in their house for even a second longer. It was around 8, so the dark was sort of setting in already. She slammed the car-door and walked up to the apartment. The boys were there, she could hear them talk. She opened the door harder than necessary, slamming it against the other wall and looked at them. Ben looked puzzled and scared, Hux however... He knew exactly what she had been told.

"Benjamin! Stand up now." She ordered.

Ben came to his feet and shuffled away a bit as his mother strode right at Hux.

"Sleeves. Roll them up." She said.

Hux frowned and pushed up the sleeve of his right arm, nothing there.

"Other arm." She hissed.

Hux sucked in his cheek, did not move, so she grabbed his wrist and yanked his sleeve up herself, revealing the brace on it. Ben seemed to go a bit pale.

"Your boyfriend is a killer." She said. "Snoke would not out you, knowing he would bring his own skeletons out with it."

She looked at Ben.

"And I will not tell anyone either... If you leave now, disappear to God knows where, and never talk to my child again. It will buy my silence- And nothing else will."

Hux shook his head.

"N-no... Wait... I can explain! Please."

"Shut your mouth! You are not a hair better than that vile snake."

Hux came to his feet.

"You do not understand. The Order-"

Leia backhanded him, hard enough to make Ben flinch.

"Out of my house... And I do not ever want to see a single glimpse of you again."

Hux looked at Ben, seemed to consider grabbing him by the arm and run off with him.

"I love Ben- I swear I-"

She tugged a knife from the block.

"LEAVE!!"

Hux held up his hands. It would be easy for him to get rid of the knife in Leia's hand, it would be a piece of cake- No doubt that he could do so without either party getting a single scratch; but he didn't want to use his training on her. It would certainly not make anything better, only worse probably.

"Please..." Hux tried again.

He wouldn't, couldn't, loose Ben after everything they'd been through.

"NO!"

Leia was swinging madly with the knife when Hux stepped closer to Ben. Hux looked at Ben who stood there unable to move. His eyes were wide open, panicked. There was nothing he could do either. Leia wouldn't be convinced by anything they would do.

"I'll leave, okay?"

Hux slowly backed away.

"I'll leave."

Hux started walking to the front door mouthing 'Old city' to Ben’s face. Ben would know where to meet him. Ben nodded ever so softly- He understood, he’d be there. They would get through this like they got through everything. Hux needed to think that, because he didn't know if he could live when he lost yet another person in his life. No, Ben would not be dead- But this was almost worse. He would be there, just within reach- But never to be touched or spoken to again. It made him sick. He lowered his head as he finally closed the apartment-door behind him. Hux walked down the stairs and through the front-door as if he was in a trance. He closed it behind him, gently- Dazed; and walked to one of the alleys. Just out of sight of Ben’s home he slumped down against a wall.

Why did this have to happen? He felt like he should be crying. But crying was for children, and he was not a child anymore. He had been robbed of everything that made him one, and now he was only numb. And what was left now that the innocence and youth was gone? A monster? Was that what Snoke wanted to see? He almost felt the rage crush him as it set in. His face almost twisted into a snarl. He would kill him. He would murder him, eradicate him... Burn him, make him burn like Emille and his father, swallowed by the flames that Hux would set to that god forbidden estate of his. He would smoulder down to a twisted black heap- Nothing left of the arrogant fuck that he was. He ran to the Citadel, his body tense as he crossed the streets and rooftops. He returned to the Citadel, and by then he felt like he himself was on fire too.

"Bran, hey- Oh dear... What's the matter?" Phasma asked when she saw his face.

He knew it was red and full of rage.

"He plays with fire and I will burn him." He said, teeth grinding together.

"Bran- Bran no! What are you talking about? HEY!" Phasma yelled, running after him.

He turned, so fast that Phasma almost collided with him.

"He exposed me to Ben's mother." Hux said then, nose twitching. "She will take Ben from me."

Phasma looked at him.

"Are you sure? Maybe she-"

"She swung a goddamn knife at me Phasma! You didn't see her face."

He felt another surge of fury rip through him.

"Don't follow me, don't ask anything, this is my fucking right."

He stomped off then. Phasma swallowed and watched him leave. This was not good. This really was not good at all. Hux marched directly to his room and grabbed his gear. In less than two minutes he was fully dressed and ready to go. The longer he could think about what had just happened the angrier he got. He was going to make Snoke lose everything this time. He would raze all he had and all he was to the ground. Phasma watched Hux leave. There was nothing she could do to stop him. Not when he was like that. It was a rage Phasma had never encountered before, never… Not even in those dark months of Hux’s recovery- Of the betrayal. It had not been like this. That was a controlled rage, willing to play a game so he could beat his opponents at it. This was destruction.

Hux almost flew through the city towards his goal, Snoke’s house, he didn’t slow for anything. His body glided over buildings like they were not even there. He stopped on the roof of a house opposite of Snoke’s place, using it to scout the situation. He could see the snake inside his house, all pleased with himself by the looks of it. Hux gritted his teeth. This would be his end. There was a pain in his chest that was worse than the hurt of the bullets. He could barely breathe past it. It was like... This was what crippling rage felt like. It was feeding him with power and it was immobilising him at the same time. He grit his teeth and climbed down to ground level, he knew the house's blind-spots, after all, he had been inside so he knew which wall blocked what sights. He made keen use of it as he placed several of the small wildfire-triggers around the house. When they were set he backed out, and sat in the man's garden chair, staring at him. Snoke walked past him three times before seeing him. Hux wasn't even wearing the hood. He just sat there, one leg crossed over the other- Idly picking his nails with the tip of his blade. When Snoke saw him he sort of smiled at him and waved at him, as if greeting a friend. He could see Snoke's face set into fear. He could see him think that there had been a miscalculation somewhere and he could see him realize that this was the moment of his death.

With that face as the last thing Hux wanted to see he activated the charges, the fuel sprang free and ignited on the exact second it tasted air. Hux stood up and looked as it consumed the house, crashing in through the windows and swallowing everything whole. It barely made him feel anything though. His face contorted into something of a grimace and he turned away, letting the fire consume this horrid place as he ran to the one last good thing he was ever going to have in his life. He felt the glow of fire, heard the roar of the flames, and he turned away from it- Never looking back as he left the city, slipping through the entrance of the old city. Slowly Hux walked up the stairs leading to that one room they all shared. Somehow he felt drained, all the energy gone from his body. The silence around him didn't give him any peace. Everything about this place only made him remember Ben and with now Leia's enraged face.

Hux opened the door to the small chamber, Ben wasn't there. He walked over to the other side and sat down on the ground. He couldn't even be sure if Ben would come. Maybe he couldn't escape the house tonight, maybe his mother wouldn't ever allow him out of the house again. Hux sighed and let his head rest against the wall behind him. Everything felt so empty. Hux didn't know how long he had sat there until he thought he heard footsteps on the stairs outside. He thought about getting up, holding open the door and wait for Ben as he walked the last steps, but his body did not seem to share that plan. He stayed where he was, pressed into the bookcase with his back and staring at the wall that faced it. The door creaked as it opened and Ben slowly stepped inside, looking at Hux the whole time. He had a bag with him, too small for clothes or anything, so he could not guess what it was.

"Bran." Ben sighed. "Are you okay?"

Hux let out a snort and then a whimper, pressing his hands over his face as it turned into a sob. Ben deflated and walked over, pushing the hood away from Hux’s face and tucking his head against his shoulder.

"I don't know what to do..." Hux sobbed. "I don't know what to do anymore..."

Ben bit his lip and shook his head.

"You don't need to know. It's okay... We'll figure it out." He said, feeling his own stomach sink.

The way his mother had reacted to Hux was so... Violent. Nothing but fear and rage. Ben was afraid that she would stab Hux, hurt him... And he had wanted to protect him, tell her that she couldn't treat him like that... And he didn't have the guts for it.

"You smell horrible." Ben said. "Like... Smoke."

Hux sighed and shook his head, both hands grasping the back of Ben's shirt.

"I killed him for us." He said, voice low. "I made him burn."

Ben swallowed. Hux was talking about Snoke, he'd killed Snoke.

"Are you- Going to kill my mother?" He asked, voice small as it could get.

"No." Hux said.

He'd stopped crying, but he still held Ben like a life-line and kept his head pressed against Ben's shoulder.

"It is not her fault." He continued. "It is not her fault that I am what I am. It is my fault... For thinking that monsters like me could have something sweet like you."

Ben frowned.

"You're not a monster. Don't you ever think that about yourself."

He let his fingers smooth over the back of Hux's head. Hux seemed so small, nothing like the man running for Emperor or being head of the Order.

"How was it when I was gone?"

Hux let himself absorb the warmth of Bens body.

"You don't want to know." Ben sighed.

Hux hummed. He probably didn't want to know indeed. If it was anything close to what he imagined he definitely didn't. Hux looked up from Ben’s shoulder. His eyes where red-rimmed and he looked so tired- It was sort of scary. Ben smiled lightly despite of it and placed a hand against Hux's cheek. The other leaned against it, turning his face to let the warmth of Ben’s hand seep into his chilly skin.

"What's in the bag?" He asked softly, trying to focus his thoughts on something else.

Ben turned and set the bag on the floor.

"It's not much." He said as he set it between them. "I had to improvise a little."

He took out the small packet of food. It was homemade, Hux could tell.

"It's for breakfast." He muttered, showing Hux the small stack of food he had smuggled along. "I'm staying the night."

He put away the bag and held Hux's face in his hands.

"After tonight though... What will we do?"

Hux sighed, shrugging a bit and staring in Ben's eyes.

"I will need to go away." He said then.

Ben felt his stomach coil when Hux said it… Like it was finite.

"I don't want you to-"

"Me neither... But I will need to lead the Order now. What happened created a power vacuum, the Order will need me to learn how to lead it. If I cannot get a grasp on this unit we are going to end up in another regime that hates us." He sighed. "It will be harsh, people will be scrambling to get a foot-hold now that the plans have changed. It will be violent and nasty. I cannot drag you into that... I will not."

Ben shook his head.

"It would be okay... I will be part of the Order with you, I will train and-"

"NO. No... I do not want that. You need to finish school, you do not want to be like me... I do not want you to be like me."

Hux smiled thinly and reached for Ben’s hand.

"It would not be for long... I hope."

Ben sniffed a bit and looked at Hux.

"But you are mine." He said weakly.

"I know... I am... I will always be... That is why I am doing it like this, so that I can stay yours and you can stay mine, when the time is right again."

Ben’s lip quivered a bit.

"I'll guess that's the only thing we can do then, but don't make me wait too long."

Hux pulled Ben close again.

"I won't. I will be back at your side as soon as possible."

Ben closed his eyes and leaned his head back on Hux's shoulder. He wished it didn't have to be like this. If only today hadn't happened they could still be as they were, together. Ben wrapped his arms around Hux. This was probably their last night together, for God knew how long. It would be hard, to not have each other like they had grown so used to. Hux sighed and placed his hands on Ben's back, inhaling his scent and trying to keep his resolve. His entire being wanted to drag Ben to the Order and train him, make him one of theirs. But Ben would enter a hostile and troubled community. He did not even know who to trust and who to consider a traitor. The First Order needed to be clean before he would be able to reconnect with Ben. As it was now he was afraid that people would know about their love, and they would harm Ben. It would not be right... And then he also had to think about his own chances. He could no longer run for Emperor, Ben's mother would expose him. He needed to disappear without discrediting himself. Maybe he would arrange something with his mother to drop out of the run for Emperor without looking like he had something to hide. He couldn’t use anyone prying deeper into his life- Risking that the whole thing would be out in the open. Ben let out a soft huff.

"I can almost hear your mind racing."

He chuckled, although it sounded somewhat dampened.

"Just be easy." He said then. "It will not matter tonight. Nobody will find us and we will have each other."

Hux nodded, closing his eyes a bit and then smiling.

"I wish that I could commit all of you to my memory, so that I can imagine you whenever my eyes close." He murmured. "Is that weird?"

"No."

Ben shook his head.

"I don't think it is."

Hux wrapped his arms tighter around Ben and placed some soft kisses in his neck.

"Promise me something."

Ben closed his eyes as Hux hummed to indicate that he was listening.

"Don't do anything too reckless. I'd like to see you back alive."

Hux smiled lightly.

"You'll see me back alive. I can promise you that."

Ben chuckled, satisfied, and kissed Hux softly. He wanted to remember this. The warmth, Hux's lips, the softness of his kisses, everything. Hux pressed his face against Ben's shoulder as they sat against the couch together. The rug was soft and plush and there was something warming to the way all this was small and simple. Hux sighed out a bit and looped his arms around Ben again, not really holding him with them as he more or less leaned his weight into him. He was tired, every joint felt sore even though he had not exerted himself.

"You have to promise me something too though..." He said then.

"Anything."

Hux sighed.

"Stay in school... Be good... Don't get tainted."

Ben smiled lightly.

"I will. I'll finish school, get a job I like. Don't worry."

Ben teased his fingers over the lighter red hairs on the back Hux's neck.

"Let's get some sleep. You look like you're going to pass out any minute now."

Ben smiled softly.

"I don't want to waste this time by sleeping."

Hux muttered against the fabric of Ben’s shirt.

"We don't know when we'll see each other again."

"I know, but I'll be here through the night. And you need a good sleep. As for now I am the only one who can give you that, and without me- Who knows when your next good sleep will be."

Hux also smiled, but it was bitter- Utterly bitter. Ben was right, it might be his last good night sleep for a long time, but still.... He didn't want to miss a moment of Ben’s face being real… Of feeling him- until he had to leave.

"I just don't want to regret the last time we'll sit here... Who knows when I'll see you again?" Hux asked.

"It's okay. You will see me again, so this is not final and it will be enough to know that. It should be enough." Ben said.

He believed in it too, sincerely so. Just like the time he had seen Hux walk away from the fight between their schools. He had believed that he would meet Hux again and the world had granted him that gift. Ben smiled a little at Hux's eyes, seeing them glazed over like that was kind of good to see, it meant he was calm. Ben hummed and shortly pulled away to lay himself down on the couch.

"Take off the uniform and sleep. I will be here in the morning to gaze at."

Ben smirked a bit.

"I promise."

Hux sighed but gave in without complaint, stripping the layers away until he was in boxers alone and grabbing a blanket from the old stack. Ben smiled and pulled at his elbow, making him sit. Then he kissed the bullet-scars. He usually avoided them when touching Hux, always afraid they would still hurt, but they had settled in now, and he wanted to show him that he loved those too. They felt different than Hux's other skin. They were coarser and slightly raised. He sighed after kissing the last one on his hip and pulled him closer.

"Sleep well, Bran." He said. "Don't worry about anything, just for tonight."

Even though Hux had said he didn't want to sleep he was gone in less than 5 minutes. Ben fell asleep soon after, the soft breathing sounds that left Hux’s lips as soothing as any lullaby. It wasn't a dreamless night like the one before, but nonetheless Hux slept well. No nightmares to wake him when Ben was there to hold on to. Instead he dreamt of a simpler life… Meeting Ben at the coffee-shop like he had once lied to Leia. Silly dates, lazy smiles, running off together to a place where the sun was always shining and they were never hungry or bored… Just together- Forever. When he opened his eyes the next morning he wished he hadn't. He wanted to sink back in his dream-world… And they could shoot him- So that he would never leave it, however ludicrous that thought was… At least it was idyllic, more so than reality. He knew these were the last hours he could spent with Ben for a long time to come. He looked at the boy in his arms, his Ben, who was still sleeping soundly. How would he ever get through the nights without him? Still though, Hux didn't want to cry. He wanted Ben to remember him with a smile. Even though they said it wasn't farewell it still felt that way. Hux sighed and let his head fall against the armrest. It shouldn't be this hard, he thought. Ben was still relatively new to his life. They had known each other for only a few months, and yet meeting him seemed like it was a lifetime ago. Maybe it had to do with how many things had happened since they first locked eyes. Hux smiled a little as Ben clutched at him in his sleep, trying to keep him as close as he could. Hux let him and carded a hand through his hair. Ben cared too much about him, made him too important... And yet Hux could not bring himself to steer away to spare him the pain. Because he wanted him to care like this, even if it was going to ruin them. Hux smiled when he saw Ben blink his eyes open and yawn.

"Morning."

 Hux smiled lightly.

"Morning." Ben replied, voice croaking a little.

"You hungry?" Hux asked as he sat up straight, unable to look at Ben any longer before he would start to fall apart. "I don't want to leave."

Ben smiled and leaned back against him, keeping him seated.

"I know." Ben murmured. "And I don't want to see you leave either."

Silence fell, both of them staring at the way the sun bathed the old city in light. So silent and so peaceful.

"Not that it matters at all." He said. "I know you must."

Hux nodded a little and closed his eyes for a short moment to fight the harsh sear that threatened to make him spill tears, before he rested his cheek on Ben's thick hair.

"It will only be temporary." He mumbled. "We have to hold on to that."

He smiled a bit and held onto Ben's hands.

"It will pass." He sighed. "It will pass...."


End file.
